Good afternoon fellow caregivers. I have DPOA over my 85-year old mother's financial and legal affairs. My older sister is the alternate. My brother is the health care proxy and I am the alternate health care proxy. My younger sister has a supplemental needs trust as she is on welfare and could lose her benefits if she inherits as a regular beneficiary from mom's will. Mom has a Mychart account which I set up with her doctor's knowledge and permission as Mom is no longer able to navigate such an account. Younger sister is insistent that she be allowed to see the supplemental needs trust document and the Mychart account. I have called mom's attorney and she told me younger sister is not allowed to see the document without mom's permission. As for the MyChart account, the health care proxy form allows access to mom's medical records, and permission to discuss them with healthcare providers, only to her named Agent(s), which are my brother and me. This is the same younger sister who gave me grief several months ago because I had not changed the address on mom's car registration when mom moved to a different floor in the AL facility. Also, this morning mom moved her wallet, which contained her license and debit card, to a new purse. I saw the old purse and did not see the wallet, and I admit I panicked a bit. Well I contacted mom's aides and they told me they had seen a purse behind mom's chair and the wallet was in it. Now younger sister is furious with me and is making claims I am, "Not acting in a thoughtful, competent or capable manner," or "This is neglect." Younger sister then adds "I hope all of her bills are being paid fully in a timely manner." Yes they are, younger sister. Folks if you have read my previous posts, you know how seriously I take my role as caregiver and I love mom very much. Yes, I will make mistakes, and I like to believe my intentions are good. I have blocked text message and phone contact with younger sister as she really does nothing but criticize and claim I am not acting in mom's best interests. So now I have to witness Mom's dementia decline and deal with these rotten family dynamics. I am through with younger sister. By the way I have the wallet now.
There usually is one troublemaker, best to eliminate her from your life.
You have enough to deal with, you are doing a great job!
You’re the responsible one . Ignore her , no contact .
Sis should redirect her energy and efforts towards getting off welfare , instead or criticizing you .
I've got 2 , a brother and a sister, I erased both of there numbers out of my phone, so I wouldn't be tempted to mean text them.
Your doing great for your mom , that's all that matters
I'm sorry, I wish I had more to say , some kinda help but nothing is coming to me. Just wanted to let you know, I get it!
My mom had a stroke & heart attack and didn't have a POA. There were so many medical, insurance, financial, living, etc., decisions to be made but many of the places could not speak to me or my siblings bc mom hadn't named a POA. Two sisters just criticized & caused drama, but never actually helped with mom or accomplished anything. Finally my other sister & brother asked me to petition the court for Guardianship of our mom, which I received. I did make them promise me that I would never have to pull rank bc I was mom's Guardian. It was important to me that the 3 of us talk to mom's doctors, weigh any pros & cons, respect mom's wishes, and make any decisions as a team. Fortunately, the 3 of us stuck to that promise until the very end. We ended up bringing mom to my home with Hospice & she died a year ago. We still don't speak to our other 2 sisters bc of all the drama they caused and the extra suffering they caused mom to go through. Mom was begging to leave the hospital & go home with Hospice, they wanted her to either do Hospice in the hospital or in another facility. I waited 2 weeks hoping & praying we could all be on the same page. I finally had to set my foot down & tell them the wait was over & arrangements would be made the next day for her to come home, we didn't have anymore precious time to waste & risk our mom dying in the hospital while she was begging to go home! I'll regret waiting those 2 weeks hoping they'd come around, for the rest of my life.
Don't give your sister the power to make you regret one single choice! You are putting your life on hold bc you love your mom; that is a beautiful & rare gift. Enjoy every moment you can & ignore your immature sister. I truly wish more than anything I had blocked & ignored mine!