We went to the Dr. and she basically lied to him about stuff. Said she walks and sees 3-4 friends every day. Says she goes to her clubhouse for lunch & dinner with friends. I know for a fact she does not! She tells us and my brothers how lonely she is but tells the Dr. she is happy with her life and has a lot of contact with people. She is starting to have issues with the checkbook where she misplaced 2 checks and wrote that she had written one in the register when she did not write it. Lots and lots of other things, but not enough room for it all. She refuses to try anything new or different to help her. We don’t know if we should allow her to continue with the “fantasy” life or correct her.
Would like to hear any experiences you may have had handling this type of situation.
She is probably frightened and not quite sure why.
She probably has not “……lied to (doctor) about stuff”. If the doctor was able to develop a diagnosis on what she said to him, he was interpreting what she said in the context of her age and what he knows about her.
She needs your help. Hopefully you can begin to develop a care plan for her to implement as her needs increase. It is difficult and painful to realize that your parent will be needing more support as her needs increase, but there is useful information here and also to be found in your community.
I would take over her finances. You don't need to get her to believe that she really can't do it anymore but that you just want to help her. My mom would get really stressed about doing any of her financial stuff after dad dies so I just took it over, for both of our sakes. I hope you have POA.
Allow your mom to continue her fantasy. Doesn't hurt anything. But the medical professionals need to know the truth. Sometimes I teasingly ask my mom if she really did those things, but 99% of the time just nod, smile and say/think "whatever" . Cuz it just doe not really matter.
So expect her to say crazy things that don't match with reality. That's dementia or at least one facet of it. Expect the unexpected. I used to write things down when I was trying to get her diagnosed and get my POA activated so I would have examples of her biggest issues.
Does she still live by herself? If so, those days are likely numbered. They can lose the ability to stay safe. My mom would decide to out of the blue, heat up some soup on the stove after 5 years of not touching the stove. OK, we put child proof locks on the stove handles. Tried to defrost some frozen snacks in the toaster oven? Moved it to the barn.
It's a roller coaster. Sometimes, they still say things that are true and accurate. Other times it leads you to scratch your head thinking "whaaaat????". But just say something vague "oh really" or "interesting" type of thing. You'll never get her to believe that what she says is wrong so don't waste your time.
Best of luck.