Lost loved ones.

Velvet: Thinking of you. Hoping things are a bit better for you?

You have had a LOT of loss all piled together. And you are having a hard time coming out of it. Do know that prolonged grieving is now on the psychiatric DSM-5 as a diagnosis and this helps you to get help and coverage for reaching out to professionals. There may also be grieving support groups available to you and I surely do suggest them if that option is closeby in your area.

I think that we tend to act by habit. That is to say that our minds want to do a habitual circle much like the old mill pony let out to pasture after years of pulling the mill wheel in a circle, and then makes his own daily circles round a tree. Our minds find safety in known habits. So we tend to wander that same circular path.
It takes great courage to consciously break out from that. To walk if we didn't walk. To take our cell phone and take pictures if we didn't do that. To foster a little dog or a bunch of kittens. To join the library knitting club. To join a book club. To visit seniors in nursing homes, To go online on Facebook and look at art, join groups with like interests, to volunteer. To do the 1,000s of things that honor those who have left us and that make us feel WHOLE and NEEDED and LOVED AGAIN.

The longer we live the more we lose, both of our own faculties (to say nothing of beauty, hee hee) and of those we love. The love we have had that was so wonderful comes with this price of loss, but I will ask you also to consider how much still with you all these people you mention are. No, you can't discuss the current case coming to trial with them, but you sure do know what they would say, and you can make it up. Maybe you can even argue the outcome with them!

Whether it is collage, scrapbooking, painting, knitting, quilting there is a world of crafts that will give hands work while it frees the mind in an almost zen sort of way. I so recommend picking up a pencil and a sketchbook and trying to draw a face. You will see faces different the rest of the day.

You can come HERE daily as I do with a cup of coffee gone all caramel color with cream, and answer people who need your help? I come here every morning. Check the email, look in on Facebook, and come here to AC.
You would be so very welcome in this community.

Dear Dr Laura, who, like me is a "mean girl" always says that we ALL have losses (she talks of her dearly beloved hubby often, her little dog she recently lost and replaced with her sweet new dog). She tells people we all feel these losses but we cannot continue to "marinate" in them.
I love that expression because when you think of it, back in the day when we bought cheap tough cuts of meat, we marinated them to WEAKEN the muscles in the meat. Marinating DOES weaken. It weakens US. As much flavor as it can add to dead meat, it hurt those of us who are living.
Remembering, celebrating, writing a loving letter to the one we lost full of small things we saw today? THAT strengthens us.

I am glad you are here on Forum. Welcome.
Come daily. I came here YEARS ago (close to five now), and I was desperate for help, feeling so alone and afraid-- and without knowledge I needed. I was about to lose the man, my brother, who had been Hansel to my Gretel in every single dark woods of life. I was getting older (81 now) and afraid of other losses to come (I STILL AM).
This Forum has so helped me. I would bet it can help support you as well!
You have this one life.
You have some you have lost that you must now see this world for. Do them that honor. Take CARE OF YOURSELF. That's what they all would want. They would be so proud.

My heart goes out to you.

I'm so sorry for those incredibly painful losses. Have you done grief counseling at your church (or elsewhere)? May you receive peace in your heart.

Here's a Christian organization for you.

Perhaps you'd like to give them a call.

They meet weekly in various locations, and sometimes on Zoom:

Griefshare.org

From their website:
A GriefShare support group is a safe, welcoming place where people understand the difficult emotions of grief. Through this 13-week group, you’ll discover what to expect in the days ahead and what’s “normal” in grief. Since there are no neat, orderly stages of grief, you’ll learn helpful ways of coping with grief, in all its unpredictability—and gain solid support each step of the way.

What sort of grieving workshops and support groups have you explored? Does your faith-based community have any? If not can you START one?
Consider listening to the Podcast by Nora McInerney called Terrible, Thanks for Asking. She lost her Father, her baby, and her young husband (cancer) in fairly quick order, and her podcast explores that we are NOT all OK a LOT of the time. And we need support and help to make it through. I recommend you start with her earliest episodes where she describes her own losses, but just understand that you will meet on these programs, one at a time, people who are facing all sorts of losses.

Loss and unhappiness is a part of life. If you were lucky to escape them for some years then you were indeed lucky, but seems now that your plate is piled full with a whole lot of loss all at once.

You say you are a Christian as though that should prevent this loss, or make this loss easier to understand. But it doesn't. Loss is loss and it doesn't matter our faith or our lack of faith. The pain is the same. While you may draw comfort from your faith, it doesn't change the loss. There is no way it ever could.

I am sorry for this grief. If you need help of a counselor do seek it out. Try to journal and make scrapbooks of memories that celebrate the beauty of those who are gone from you, and do know on a very deep level they will never be gone from you while you are living.

There is for some no way through but time, which softens the edges and makes them less painfully sharp.
I wish you the very best.

I do hope and pray that you've sought out some grief counseling in your area, as that can be very helpful.
I know that a lot of churches offer Grief Share that is free to attend, so if you haven't yet, please check them out. You can also talk to your pastor.
A wise woman on here shared this a while back and I will share it with you.
"Grief never ends but it changes. It is a passage, not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness nor a lack of faith. It is the price of love."
That to me says it all. Grief is something we go through, not stay parked in, and if counseling is what it takes to get us unstuck, then so be it.
Your deceased family members would want you to be living and enjoying your life, and I believe that is one of the best ways we can honor them by doing just that.

My soul mate of 26 years died 3 1/2 years ago now, and I can tell you that there is life after the death of a spouse and even joy to be found.
It will be up to you now to take the necessary steps to figure out just how you want your life to look like. And you can start with just baby steps, as each step will bring you closer to the life that God now has for you. And I can promise you that He has good in store for you, but you'll have to do your part as well.
And don't let your financial worries drag you down, and keep you from enjoying life. Do whatever you need to to lighten that load, ie. pay down/off debt, downsize, get a second job etc.

You now get to create a new life, just the way you want it. And while that can be a bit scary it also can be very exciting. So get out there and start enjoying this one life you have and make your husband, mom and best friend proud!!!

I lost my Mother in 2020, my beloved second husband in 2021, and my sister I was closest to in 2006. I lost my only dog I ever had in 2009. I lost my SIL (of 20 years) in 2012.
I lost my best GF (of 32 years) in 2013. We worked at 2 jobs together, had been thru marriages, divorces, you name it. She always had my back, and I miss her so much.
I don't even know why I'm here. I'm not half the person of my LOs who have gone before me. I don't know how I've made it this far.
I did a Trust to make sure nobody gets stuck care giving me. Several will be blown away by what they get, and have no idea.
I wait for the day I see my beloved Brett again. Those years were the best in my life.

I’m so sorry for all your losses. My husband recently passed away and I’m reading a book that was recommended to me called “It’s OK that you’re not OK” by Megan Devine—“meeting grief and loss in a culture that doesn’t understand”. Among other things, she talks about how everyone wants you to recover from your grief when that’s not how it works. She also helps you to understand that your feelings are normal and that there is no timetable, no stages you need to go through. I’m finding it helpful and I’m also looking for a support group that fits me.

I’m glad you found this website. I discovered it last year when I was a full-time caregiver and have just started posting since losing my husband, which also seems to be helpful.

Grief counselors help - someone to talk to . Finding New hobbies Like gardening . I would suggest a cruise if you have the Money or travel with a group .