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The exploiting of seniors unable to do otherwise or a voice for them to express their brokenness at being treated so disrespectfully- and just ignored.
It is addressed with social services and seems to get better for a day...I am afraid of retaliation on my Mom as she hates that she selected this location with such high hopes, and I want to fix this if we can or maybe not and find another. I cannot bring her home, and we both are just tired.

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Oh, this is so sad. It was very difficult, I'm sure, to place Mom in a nursing home, and now to have staff tell her to go in her pants must add to your distress.

Sometimes the timing is beyond the staff's control. If a worker has called in sick and now there are two "emergencies" with residents, the short-handed staff may have to put some residents off for longer than usual. This happens in the best of facilities. But it should be the exception and not the rule. It shouldn't happen most of the time the call light is activated. Did social services explain to you why this happens?

My mother needed two people to transfer her to the toilet. One might respond quickly and then have to go find another free worker. This sometimes caused delays. If I was with her I'd say to my mother, "You do have a protective pad on, so if you leak a little while you are waiting it won't be a problem." I wouldn't tell her "just go in your pants" -- what adult wants to hear that? -- but I tried to reassure her that not being able to wait so long was not a disaster and no one would be mad.

I hate thinking that NH residents are treated disrespectfully, or just ignored. There is probably a quarterly staff meeting about your mother, right? Perhaps there you could voice your concern about the long wait for responses to the call light. Don't be accusatory or argumentative. Just state it as a concern and ask if there is anything you can do to help the situation. At these meetings my sisters and I would start with the things that were going well. We'd tell the dietary person how much Mom liked the meals, and we'd thank the PT person for helping find a good tray for Mom's wheelchair, etc. And we would also state our concerns. "I've noticed in the past few weeks Mom has not had her teeth in three times. Is there new staff in the morning now? What could we do to ensure she has her teeth in before breakfast?"

I hope you can get better service for your mother. Are most other aspects of her care going well?
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I'm so sorry to hear about your mom's experience at the nursing home.

I know some families have put nanny cams into their parents room to record any unprofessional behaviour. In our community some have even gone to jail for it.

I would try and escalate these concerns with a manager. But if they are not responsive, I would consider moving your mom to a different facility.
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pnutbutrnchoc, I can understand how frustrating it can be for an elder to not get the timely help they need when Mother Nature calls. As we get older, we don't get much of a warning !!

We do need to realize there is probably a triage system within the facility.... thus a patient who is having chest pains or other medical emergency will be immediately taken care of compared to Mrs. Smith or Mr. Jones who needs a bathroom run.

My very elderly Mom never got use to using her Depend type garment. Even at 98, unable to walk or even stand, she wanted to either go to the bathroom or use a bedpan.
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pnutbutrnchoc, I can understand how frustrating it can be for an elder to not get the timely help they need when Mother Nature calls. As we get older, we don't get much of a warning !!

We do need to realize there is probably a triage system within the facility.... thus a patient who is having chest pains or other medical emergency will be immediately taken care of compared to Mrs. Smith or Mr. Jones who needs a bathroom run.

My very elderly Mom never got use to using her Depend type garment. Even at 98, unable to walk or even stand, she wanted to either go to the bathroom or use a bedpan.
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dmorochnick - while I fully appreciate your effort to call attention to elder abuse on this Facebook page, I’m not sure you want to be advertising that here on AC if you are hoping to continue to use AC forum posts and the replies. I’m pretty sure AC has rules about reproducing material that is generated here. I would hate to see you banned for trying to do a good thing.
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Pnut
Any update on mom's situation ?

Even the 5 star Medicare rated nursing homes don't respond to lights - used to infuriate me when five lights were beeping when mom was in rehab for a short stay and the one male aid was asleep in the hall
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I had a similar problem when my Dad was in an extended Rehab facility. So we did a "test." When I'd visit, we'd find a reason to push the call button and measure the time taken to respond. Sure enough, it was 20 minutes.

I made an appointment with the exec director and asked what was THE POLICY on call light response. The answer was 10 minutes max. She was very responsive to the information that it was taking 20 minutes and I noticed that it improved in the future. It also helped my Dad understand that he couldn't have an expectation of an instant response.
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Thank you so very much to everyone responding to the extended call light issue. Mom's care is a tad better having moved to a lower level within and less patients. Now the tendancy to leave her on the pot and wait after pulling call light- even when she assures the CNA it's 'quick-stop' they run off. That process is a 45 minute record Addressed in a quarterly forum, somehow it has improved! I faxed a score card of her care prior to the start with those concerns. I don't care who how or why- my Mom's HAPPY! I doubt I will ever fully relax, but it's the best I can do for her. You are all in my prayers- this is a hard journey.
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My mom was recovering from total knee replacement in a facility and was stuck on the toilet and in the shower on several occasions for an extended period of time. She actually used her cell phone on one occasion to call me while she was in the bathroom and I had to call the front desk to have someone sent to her room. From there, we had a talk with the director who was originally in denial as there is supposed to be a two minute response time or something similar. They have the ability to pull the call light records to see how long your loved ones light has been on in a given period of time. I would start with having them pull those records to start a dialog from there.
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I experienced very long waits in rehab - up to 2 hours one time. I used the phone to call the front desk. Another time I just pulled the cord out of the wall. We did adress it with management and they were actually thankful for our input and suggestions.Every that is expect the med nurse who looked at me and said "nice doing business with you" I called her the Med N**s* When i told one of the aides she said that was pretty much what the staff thought of her too. I did not get any reprisals but with me and hubby they probably knew better. I liked the system in the hospital better where someone on the desk answered very quickly and asked what was needed and sent the help asked for.
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My husband has been in 2 rehab facilities and also spent a week on the skilled nursing floor. When I visited him once, he told me that 2 aides were responsible for 20 residents. This included delivering meal trays and collecting them an hour later. While I was there once, one of the residents accidentally pushed his tray off the table, so the aide had to clean it up. Another time, a lady who had a stroke started screaming and shouting. She was upsetting the other residents and the aide had to go in and calm her down. That left one aide available. But, on the other hand, my husband was left on the toilet for over an hour at one point, even though he kept ringing for the aide. When they tried to get him back in bed, he became dizzy from sitting in one position for so long and passed out. Everyone was very upset and he was thoroughly examined for any injuries from the fall.

If what happened to your mom keeps happening to her, I would absolutely call a Care Conference and insist that not only the Director of Nursing be there, but also the Administrator. In some facilities, each resident is assigned an aide for each shift. Ask her/him to be at the meeting also, if possible. No one should be humiliated like your mom was and this should be called to the attention of administration.
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