My mother's two oldest daughters are telling lies to other family members, even going to the extreme, writing letters and showing them to family saying I wrote them. I have taken care of my Mother for almost 6 years she has dementia. They continue to send bullying text message and just mean horrible things saying they will split up my own family. I have tried to ignore but that didn't work and have contacted the authority, they still continue especially one.Even during my Father's funeral. I have set up visitation outside my home in a safe place and they complain about that. The meanest one has never helped and the other one has helped once ever 6 months and maybe a few weekends. They are much older and have no one but themselves to care for but mom never wanted to stay with them and they wouldn't have done it anyway. The meanest one was mean to Mom before when she stayed with her a couple of weeks while some work was getting done on her house, Mom wasn't sick then. I just don't understand where this hate is coming from and how anyone could treat someone this way that has been really good with their Mother. Thanks for listening RRc.
If they continue to bother you; get a restraining order from the court. No fooling around with people like this. Take care
You are doing nothing wrong......
The two female siblings have been particularly nasty and the one in USA has even written to social services to fabricate absolute lies about me - her lies were so outrageous that it was easy to prove her as acting maliciously. She wrote these letters from her home in the USA (TN) where she thought the distance of miles and difference in legal jirisdiction would not touch her. The other female sibling, the eldest who lives near us but never visits or helps at all, has also made up lies to suit her actions - namely that I have prevented her from visiting her mother and unfortunately, she and her equally malicious husband convinced members of my late father's family of this too.
The third sibling, a brother in the USA, has not behaved in such ways but lives in a world where he sees easy answers such as simply putting our mum in a carehome. He tells me I have no one to blame but myself for being sole carer as I have the power to change that - he preaches at his local church and calls himself a Christian etc and has also convinced himself that things fall as they do for a reason so he has no need to help or feel guilty if he chooses not to. He has even said that my friends should not have it put upon them to help me with mum! whilst he does nothing.
Anyway, I thought I would reply to this thread as some of my experiences with siblings echo what I read here. What made it worse is that the one in USA has been there since I was an infant, when she left this country and the other, years older too, I have had little to do with. No thanks for being there with their mother - nothing. Just abuse and lies taken to official levels - and all because I finally told them that there are FOUR of us and that we needed to DISCUSS our mother's future care as she gets older. I have no answer as to dealing with people like this except to have cut them out of my mind altogether.
Cautious, thanks for your reply - and yes it looks like male care givers are on the rise. My problem is made worse by the fact that I am single and male, although I have support of one or two friends and because I was much younger than the siblings, was in my parents' company (my father passed in 2004, Alzheimers) for a long, long time after they had long gone. But also, my parents were very insular and had no friends or social life of their own and so it has fallen to me to provide that for her too - although of late I have forced the situation by involving my mum with people her own age at local churches etc as one person cannot fulfil a caregiving role AND be a social provider too! I have forgegone aspects of my own life in recent years as she had no one else at all, not one friend, which I DO regret. I don't regret the caregiving but do regret that I allowed my mother to effectively dictate to me that she wanted no other help (of friends with networks of family members her own age) than mine and to expect that I just go along with that. She herself has not helped the situation I'm afraid. Slowly I am making arrangements to get my own apartment back and work life and social life, by using social services (being Scotland it is a different healthcare set up to the USA, we have the National Health service or NHS) to lay on more help.
No one should have to endure such extreme situations and I have had to learn to state my case the last few years and put myself first.