I am a 53 year old woman who has worked and lived independently since my early twenties. I lost my job and move in with my mother and brother. This was four years ago. I've worked part time on and off. Now I'm unemployed. My mother is 70 and is suffering from dementia and Alzheimer. It has gotten worse. I want to work and of course it's harder to find employment since I've gotten older. I feel I am destined to be mom's care taker. My brother doesn't want her in a home and we can't afford it. We don't have the money for help. I can't anybody able to take care of her. She goes into rages several times throughout the day. What happens when my mom passes and I'm jobless, older, unemployed? My brother is going to school and wants to work himself any ideas?
(If funds are an issue Medicaid pays for a nursing home but your mom would have to be approved first).
When your mom passes, if you don't go back to work, you will be older, jobless, and mom-less. It's a tough spot to be in. I would encourage you to find a job now and make that a priority and find another situation for your mom. Many adults give up their life to care for an elderly parent and find themselves standing among the ashes and the ruins when the parent dies, with nothing to show for those years spent caring for that parent. I know because I was in the exact same predicament. However, I was in my middle 40's at the time and saw what was coming a mile away and was able to salvage my life but just barely.
As for the rages there are medications the Dr. can prescribe to help alleviate them.
2. Brother is not mom's caregiver. Why does his opinion trump yours?
3. YOU don't pay for your mom's care. Mom pays for mom's care. If mom has no funds, then you apply for Medicaid for her.
https://www.agingcare.com/search.aspx?searchterm=working+after+caregiving
First 4 threads from this search hit:
https://www.agingcare.com/search.aspx?searchterm=returning+to+the+work+force
GladI'mHere is a poster who if I remember correctly very successfully re-entered the work force after caregiving. I've P'M'ed her and asked if she'll offer some suggestions. I believe though that she was finishing a degree in graduate work, so that positioned her better than if she hadn't been continuing her education.
This is a concern with me as well as I plan to re-enter the work force, hopefully next year, but it depends on what else is happening (or whether I stay in the US as a result of the election).
Over the years I've read a number of career planning books, and tried to develop a different perspective, translating the caregiving skills into workable, marketable skills. Although I don't think I could successfully re-enter my former profession b/c of competition from younger, lower paid workers, I do have some options, including the growing field of elder care agencies, senior centers, etc.
E.g., I used to work with a government contracting group planning monthly meetings and annual seminars on current issues in that field. Logistics of planning large seminars translate into a variety of similar events, ranging from the commercial groups which plan holiday crafts sales, senior centers and AAA groups planning caregiving expos, museums planning special exhibits, etc.
Another avenue would be part-time teaching. I used to teach crafts classes and tutor academic classes. That began when I took my first computer course. And I need to update those skills, especially in the area of security.
So I'll take a class, push myself to perform well, and try to leverage that into some part time student assistance, then perhaps into teaching in the adult ed venue.
So sit down with a nice cup of hot cider, coffee or tea, or beverage of choice, list your past jobs, skill sets used, potential opportunities on a part-time basis, then start searching online for jobs that use those skills, or check out one of the big career sites.
Temporary work in your past field is also an option to get your foot in the door, and companies like temp workers b/c they don't have to pay them as much or provide benefits.
If he doesn't want your mother in a home, then he can take care of her.
Your mother is only 70, just 17 years older than you. She could live a long time...are you up to task? Things are only going to get worse.
While caring for them I completed my master's degree at the age of 58! I am now 62 and found work in my field but had to think outside of the box to do it. I had lived in my state my entire life, my kids and grands are in the same place I was. I had to look into other job markets that were not as competitive, so cost of living also lower.
It was a very difficult decision to move to a neighboring state, but the further away from my dysfunctional family of origin, the better. There are free classes online and even certifications that can be completed for a minimal charge. Look at Coursera for one.
You need to approach trying to find work differently. If bro is in school there is no reason you should not be doing what you want. You and bro do not pay for mom's care, that is her responsibility! Start by calling the Area Agency on Aging to find all sorts of resources for mom. Is she on Medicaid? Does she own her home? You may need to sell it to pay for mom's care.
You deserve your life, but only you can change it. Develop a plan.
What are they wearing? Professional dress is professional dress, some people have a more formal style. Suits, pant suits, dresses? What the heck!
I think rather closed minded on the part of the employer.
Your language even to us here is condescending in nature. Using terms like babysat? Really?
I have never been to just one interview and offered a position. There is always a minimum of three, the first by phone, the second in person before a panel, the third includes the tour and offer if I make it that far.
It is terribly unfair to applicants to expect them to read your mind on what is to be worn to an interview. Heck people that have not worked in a plant like this one before probably don't own the safety attire that you require. My generation we even dressed nicely to apply at fast food joints. Is that wrong too?
You will probably get better results if you develop a handout, or instructions to distribute to EVERY applicant so they all receive the same information.
While not the exact same situation as yours, I have just re-entered the full time work force after retiring from my first career and then taking a little time off and then working a couple of working part time jobs - not in my field.
I have been at my current position for six months and an even better opportunity has presented itself (interview next week - wish me luck).
My biggest challenge is listing references. I had a bucket load of very good references (prominent in our field) who would all give me glowing recommendations but, slowly, they are all retiring themselves and I have no way to stay in touch.
If I knew then what I know now, I would have found a way to either keep those references or cultivated new ones.
My other challenge was keeping my skills fresh. The laws dealing with my field have changed since I retired (6 years ago) so now I am cramming for my interview by looking up and memorizing all the changes.
My advice on this is don't stop studying. Keep your job knowledge current. Also, don't wait for your mother to pass on before thinking about working again. She is young and you could very well be retirement age yourself before you try to find work. No one is going to want to hire and train someone who only has a couple of working years left.
Advice #2, stay up to date technically and professionally by taking free courses online like through Coursera.
Advice #3, stay positive and think positive. There is no need to worry yourself or think doom and gloom. A lot of people have very successful and sometimes their MOST successful careers in mid to late age. Why not you? Just think to yourself that you are going to go out there and hit a home run. Really dig into yourself and discover your absolute true passion (start with Strength Finder 2.0) and pursue those passions. If not now, then when? (to quote a Tracy Chapman song)
Be sure to keep your references and resume current - i.e. there may not be anything to add in particular but don't lose the old one. You will need a place to start when you are starting to seek employment again.
ALSO, you are not going to be the ONLY one doing this. There are others out there like myself and other people on this thread. Remember, what you have done is ADMIRABLE and shows you have lived a life with HONOR and LOYALTY which are all qualities that employers seek. Be sure to sell yourself and include these positive traits that you have exemplified through your time are a caregiver.
It is not easy work and the pay is not that great.
You do not say what you did but if Caregiving is not for you could you work independently/privately?
But consider this:
A Memory Care facility has staff that is trained to work with people with Dementia, they can handle the anger, frustration and many of the "quirks" of dementia better than untrained people can. And it is not one person 24/7 it is many people working in shifts so they do get a break. You DON'T.
It is your Mom that will pay for a Memory Care facility not you once funds run out then apply for Medicaid. Sell the house use those funds to provide care in a facility. If you want to keep Mom home you will have to hire caregivers. There is no way that you can do it by yourself 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for what might be 10, 20 years. Even if it is 1 year that is far too long for 1 person to provide 24/7 care. (and remain a sane, loving, caring daughter)
But to get back to your original question you can also use this time to "reinvent" yourself, you may find that what you were doing is not what you would really love to do. Is there something that you have wanted to try? Do it. You have an insight that life is short and work, while necessary is not what defines you it is what you do to keep a roof over your head and put food on the table. Don't live the last half (?) of your life doing something that you don't enjoy. Live it doing something that you love.
It is fortunate that we are all individuals with different views and styles. Throughout my multiple years in the work force, I had the pleasure of meeting a variety of professionals and hiring managers. A certain subset of hiring managers appeared to "think the same" and hire individuals based on the same structure. Fortunately, there were other hiring managers that based their hiring decisions on the individual's strengths. The managers followed their instincts and recognized that the individual's strengths would be a positive addition to their team. Years ago, I was one of those individual's that was in a position of hiring. I was able to recognize the value of hiring individuals, without placing limiting factors. I never regretted hiring individuals that were older. Their work ethics, experience, and individual strengths, far outweighed any perceived weakness. I recommend to all older individuals, looking for work, Let your light shine during your interviews. Focus on the multiple strengths that you have and will bring to the job. If you need to learn new skill sets, such as use of an iPad, etc., you can learn this. Age is only a number, and it does not define you, or make you "outdated." There are wonderful strengths that you can bring to a job. Perhaps the older man that had an interview, recalled how he was once instructed to dress for an interview. Perhaps there were alternative explanations for not wearing "work boots." In my view, it appears that age may have been a limiting factor in someone's decision, vs individual strengths. My heart is with all those that need and/or want to find productive work. I look forward to the day when, once again, age is viewed with respect and wisdom!
I think my most productive employees were young divorced women who were ex school teachers with two or three kids who wanted to advance. They were usually motivated to do a great job in spite of their responsibilities at home. But they may not have worked out in another industry. So all of that has to be considered.