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Cell phone concerns with 86 yr old mother in law been in nursing home near 4 yrs, due to partial stroke affected motor skills, wheel chair and an fall resident, needs help assisting with bathroom toileting. Not much dementia, however normal manipulation of aging / so called dementia has been occurring to make family members feel quilt. When is it time to take the cell phone away, continually calls near daily, bazar conversations of noisy subjects, most intricate questions about what will be the next step in our kitchen remodeling project. Inquiries which wall will be painted and such. MIL hasnt been to our house in over 30 yrs. Causes stress on husband and I totally resent her calling and cringe ever time I hear his cell phone ring, thinking it may be MIL calling again.

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Been there just delete all the contacts you don’t want her to have. Put your hone on silent. Only answer when you want to
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Reply to PandabearAUS
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My mom is in assisted living. At the time, she was 90 with dementia. After 26 calls in 13 hours to me, I told her the phone wasn’t working right and needed maintenance and took it. I never brought it back and she still has not asked about it. I think she would see it sitting there, I was on speed dial. That was 2 years ago.
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Reply to Gma74055
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When my wife had a hospital stay she phoned me while I was on the way home. Then I was going there every day before noon and spending the afternoon with her, she would call in the morning asking when I would be there (and talking about other things). A couple of days before she was to be released, she asked me to take the phone home. I didn't. The next day, she asked me the same thing, and I asked why -- her answer "because I don't know how to use it". She had not called that morning. She never used it again.
Her dementia came in stages. She is gone now, but I would give anything to be able to get a phone call from her again.

In your case, she may well be lonely. The workers at the home may try to offer her entertainment, but are just offering what they have, likely not what she wants. They are also not family. At this point, her world has shrunk to a tiny room, and the phone connects her with family -- the kitchen wall is not really the issue, the walls of the nursing home are. She needs to connect with her family.

Taking away her contact with family is cruel.

Yes, get her tested for a UTI, but realize those tests seem to come back negative more than they should. There seem to be other organic causes of confusion. Ask yourself "Would I regret not escalating investigating the cause of this?" (and know the answer is yes). Also, get detailed medical check of mental condition - the nursing homes all seem to just take a quick look and not a detailed investigation.
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Reply to neveragain2
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Care home should restrict calls 10 minutes on xx to xx s x tests it
speak With the supervisor
On another note is your mother suffering from anxiety
maybe time to speak to dr about it and medication
I gave my dad an one iPad and ear plugs and find him some relaxing music
he’s well happy chilling to that
maybe you can do something similar to ‘occupy’ your mother
she could just be feeling lonely - maybe speak to her
you’re making a lot i ok f calls mum is there something wrong because people are busy and can’t be taking calls - maybe she can tell you why
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Reply to Jenny10
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Yes! It is time to take the phone away. My daughter is in a NH and is doing the same thing. She has demonstrated that she has abused her phone privileges and now she has to demonstrate her ability to earn those privileges back. Since she is using a cell phone, I assume the NH has no involvement with this since it is not their phone she is using. Remove the cell phone now and let her work her way back to use of the phone based on your schedule and not hers. If phone service is the responsibility of the NH, then you may have to facilitate this through them but based on the same reasons.
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Reply to johnawheeler
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In addition to all the previous good advice, I second swapping out her cell for a memory phone. We have a Raz memory phone for my husband and his connections help fight loneliness. He enjoys chatting with friends and family in his contact list without being bombarded by spam and fraud.
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Reply to DMcD55
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Animallovers May 8, 2026
I am also a fan of the RAZ memory phone!
(1)
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Don't answer the phone every time. The facility will call if there is an emergency. MIL is clearly bored and wants to be involved somehow. Just make sure her cell does not have WiFi or internet access. She may end up being scammed all the time!

If MIL gets upset at no answers/Voice Mail, you just tell her you are busy doing renovations and the house is noisy so you don't hear the phone. Your husband will have to be strict to his Mom about her calls, and tell her the same.

She's getting someone to pickup every call, she is totally spoiled by that as her main entertainment.
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Reply to Dawn88
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Don't answer the phone every time.
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Reply to RedVanAnnie
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As others have suggested, have her checked for a UTI if she is suddenly displaying unusual behavior, as that can be a cause.

As to the question of whether to take away the cell phone, I think it is totally appropriate to take the cell phone away. Or, simply don't answer her calls.

There are some phones designed especially for seniors, which allow you to set controls on who they can call and when they can call, and the frequency, because evidently this is a common thing. Look into GrandPad, and there are other similar phone devices which allow seniors to have access to a phone, but with controls you set in place.
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Reply to CaringWifeAZ
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My niece had to take her grandmother's phone away for two reasons. First, she was getting spammed and losing her money. Second, she called her daughter in NY and would tell her that granddaughter wouldn't buy her necessities, or that she wanted this or that, even though she had requested it from granddaughter and had been refused. It was a lot like a child playing both parents against each other....you know, if Mom says no-go ask Dad. It was causing a lot of misunderstanding within the family. Granddaughter is POA and takes care of GM's finances, and DOES take really good care of GM.
Sometimes, you just have to remember that you are the parent now and do what is best for elder one, even if it means a tantrum.
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Reply to MTNester1
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Heck, no. At least she is reaching out .. ask her peeps to give her a minute of their time to wish her well. It may mean more for her present well being than anyone can I imagine.
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Reply to ChosenRoad
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JustAnon May 3, 2026
Having access to a cell made my mom far more upset. She had to be weened off of it. It can cause a lot more problems than many realize especially when dealing with dementia or mental illness. Unless you have had a parent call you suddenly to warn you that someone has targeted you for assassination or called the FBI to SWAT the neighbors, you probably won't get it.
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I decided mom no longer was going to have a phone. I got rid of all of them (yes, she had many cell phones as she is a hoarder). She was beyond mad, but I did allow her a laptop that she plays games on and watches Youtube. I no longer have to worry about her calling me with crazy stories. I can visit and get them first hand.
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Reply to JustAnon
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Definitely block her calls on your phone and husband's. If there's an emergency, the care facility will let you know.

Perhaps you could replace her cell phone with one that restricts her outgoing calls. There might be one that restricts outgoing calls to only a certain time frame, such as 5 p.m. to 7 p.m. Shop around and see what's available.

As to "not much dementia," I suspect more dementia than you know. There's never not much dementia because it doesn't go away, some people are adept at hiding it, and once it starts you might as well prepare for the worst. Suggestion: start looking at memory care facilities ASAP. When was the last time she had the 30 question MMSE test for cognitive skills? Her PCP should be administering it at least once a year. You could get it off the internet and administer yourselves without her realizing what you're doing. It wouldn't be official but could confirm how far along she is, which would give you some credit if you demand that her phone "disappear" and she enter memory care.
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Reply to Fawnby
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Animallovers May 8, 2026
The RAZ phone does allow the person managing the phone to set times when calls are blocked for each of the people they have added to the contacts list. At one point I did set it to block my mothers calls for two hours each morning since it was a very inconvenient time for me and I knew the staff at her MC were there and checking on her. I accepted calls the other 22 hours a day because there were times when I was the only one who could successfully calm her down if her night time paranoia was bad. I asked my brother if he wanted me to add any blocked times for him but he puts his phone on do not disturb when he doesn’t want any calls. I did block her from calling her friends in the middle of the night. The app gives you a great deal of control! You can also sign up for their service in which any 911 calls go through someone who screens them then can direct them accordingly or call the assigned person (me for my mother) and ask them how they would like them to handle certain situations. My mother often hits the 911 button by accident so that has been very helpful! Even without that service you can set it up to send a notification to up to three people (I think that is how many) if the person does call 911. I have been very happy with the system.
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I remember when people thought you had to pick up a phone call. That you had to let the caller end the conversation. Well, we don't need to do that anymore. We can talk or not talk to anyone we want, when we want. We can block callers. We can put our phones on Do Not Disturb. I set mine from 11pm to 9am. Is Mom calling other people and they are complaining, thats when I would lose the phone.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Moderators, please relocate to Question section, thx
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Reply to Geaton777
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Definitely have her tested for a UTI if this behavior with the calling so frequently is new. If she's wheelchair-bound and has to to have assistance toileting, chances are she's probably not getting to the toilet or being cleaned up as well as she should be. A UTI is going to be common and will happen often.

Don't take her phone away though. If you think about it, what else does she really have? If the calling so much is a regular thing, she's probably bored or lonely. Talk to the recreation director of the facility she's in and ask them to encourage her to get involved with the activities and entertainments they have going on. Or if it's possible hire a companion to visit her a few hours a week. You don't have to answer every all though. Let them go to voicemail then delete them at the end of the day. You can block her number entirely or for a certain number of hours a day so your voicemail won't be filled up with messages from her. There's AI programs now specifically designed for the elderly which will respond to them all day if they want to be on the phone.

Get her tested for a UTI and talk to the recreation director of the facility she's in. See what they recommend.
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Reply to BurntCaregiver
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First the phone issue.

People can chose to answer the phone or let it go to voice mail.
You can shut off your phone after a certain time at night and don' turn it on until the morning (or just let her calls at night go to voicemail)

Now a medical take on this.

If these calls are a sudden change you might want to ask that she be tested for a UTI. ANY sudden change or decline should be a reason to test her. The test for a UTI is simple and if using a test strip it is pretty inexpensive way to screen her.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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Everything you describe points to 1 or both of 2 things: a UTI, which can cause dementia-like symptoms (and are extremely frequent in elderly women) or actual dementia.

In my experience with 5 elders to date, the phone issue is the first sign. I would have her tested for a UTI, which is treatable. If she tests negative, then she most likely has moderate dementia. By time family sees daily signs she is already at the moderate level. But, if this behavior seems "sudden" then this is very likely to be a UTI.

No one needs to answer her calls for now. Let them go to voicemail until her husband or PoA figures out what's going on with her.
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Reply to Geaton777
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