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My MIL is very sweet but has ALZ which seems to be progressing quickly; she is becoming more frantic recently calling many times per day, asking what to do, saying she doesn't know where she is, she wants to go home, etc. Has lost the ability to read and strings together strange sets of words most of the time (word salad).
What non-reading things can we do to her environment (room in very nice ALF) to reassure her that she is home, she is safe, that we know where she is, haven't abandoned her (if we have been gone 3 minutes we were never there). I'd hang a sign in her room but she can't read anymore. Can't work the TV anymore, etc. Staff are good but cannot be with her constantly.

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my hubby has progressive aphasia and now iam having a problem with him letting me groom him he yells and screames and saids no, he is now in depends all the time and I have to remind him to go on the toilet so he doesn't soil him self its bn so hard on me.. he loves the cats so that's a good entertainment for him .But he does not like me to talk to anyone on the phone he gets vey agitated and wants my attention all the time. I have my son here so he helps me with him on weekends. BUT Iknow I will eventually have to get someone to help me so I can ger out too If anyone has any advice plz be free to share
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Bless you. I livevwith my Mom in the same house she has had for 39 years... almost half of her 82 years and she still wants to go home. When she stubs her toe or spills something or anything bothers her, she wants to go home. I know that it is not anything against me. She wants to go back to when life was simple... hard maybe but simple. She grew up in Idaho. For some time they lived in a tar paper house befor her father got a job as manager of a bean warehouse. They lived in a corner of the warehouse. It was the depression. I know life was not easy but she wants to go back. Typically, i tell her we are here for the week or "It's too late to go home today. Maybe tomorrow or this weekend. I normally helps. When she wants her parents to tske care of her, I say they cannot as some is taking care of them or they are on vacation this week. Eventually it passes. I tried hanging pictures of her family and my siblings and such. Anything to make her think this is her house and she lives here but when she sees young pictures of us, she wants to go home to take care of her children. Does you MIL have a special piece of furniture that feels like "home". For Mom it is her sewing machine...the big cabinet type. When i tell her she lives here, she sees it and says "oh yeah, there is my sewing machine and my desk. I wonder how i am going to get those home? " At which point I tell her her dad will have to figure that out. A few pictures and a special piece of furniture are the only thing i can think of to make it feel like home. Oh, and a quilt or afghan. Never underestimate the power of a warm blankie. Especially if it is one she has had for years!
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If this ius a sudden change in her behavior, I would talk to the head nurse about your concerns and ask if she can be checked for a UTI. My Mom had ALZ/DEM and what seemed to be a decline would actually be a UTI. If left untreated, your MIL could become dehydrated with sepsis which is serious if the elderly persons immune system cannot fight it off.
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Look for a Board & Care, 6 residents, 2 caretakers in a private home.... smaller venuye looks more like home. But this is the ALZ MANTRA --- go home go home go home..... Its hard, but once she stops talking, you will miss the mantra.....
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There is a difference in using anti anxiety medication and "drugging someone into oblivion". Believe it or not there are people living and working among us that take medication for anxiety it isn't only used with dementia patients.
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My dad is in his tenth year of alz and confusion is making a nice little nest in his brain,next door to fright and down the hall from miserable and anxious. He is still in his own home (I moved in 7 years ago) and even though everything is the same as far as decor, he still does not realize its his home. Throughout the day he will make a comment like "I remember when I had a house down the street" Or he will look out side and comment on how nice these people keep their yard. I painted a hugh family tree on the wall in the living room and on each branch hung pictures of the immediate family and the grandchildren in 8x10 photo's with names underneath them. Since he didn't get to see everyone all the time I thought it would help with his memory of them. He loved the tree and every day he would sit there and say all the names and who went with who. About a year ago he stopped noticing them. Doesn't even realize the tree and the pictures are there and when I point it out he makes comments like "what the hell is that doing there" or who are those people? This disease makes you question everything you do, and what may work for one will not work for another. As I contemplate removing the tree I stop and think that maybe one moment one tiny moment he may look at it and remember something, anything or maybe not so the tree stays.
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My mom was having a good day today at her AL home. She is going down for meals and not whining and complaining. A week ago it was the opposite. I hated to be with her. She had missed a few doses of her anti-anxiety meds because of vomiting. Nothing serious. It has taken a while to get it back in her system. ( I think that's the situation.). I would gladly have the dr. up her dosage if she were as miserable all the time. But not to make her drowsy or not able to communicate. (I spend a lot of time assessing her reactions and making sure she isn't having bad reactions to it.)
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Isn't it tough to see your loved one progress like this ??? I know it is for me...my mom has Alzheimers...does ok some days, then not so good on others. I love her so much, but her hygiene is so bad and I cringe every time I am with her. So, I try to help her and clean her up, and then fuss a little on her and she seems to enjoy that. I know I really shouldn't fuss , but that's my mom and I'll be darned if I shouldn't because then she'll expect it. so every time I get frustrated or cringe, I kick myself and suck it up. It's not her, it's the disease and I have to remember that. Then after I've kicked myself, then I can concentrate on making her feel better knowing she's clean and comfy. Then we sit and talk about subjects she likes to talk about, even if it is about her silly television shows or whatever. It's important to her, and for as long as she can remember them and enjoy them, then I can too. I always keep in my mind that one day she won't be able to enjoy them, and she won't know me, probably. We repeat the same stories over and over and over (I can tell those stories backwards, I almost know how they go word for word) but those are what Mom has now...memories we've made, and memories she's had. So to all who have loved ones with this destructive and terminal disease, time and love is what they need so desperately...put your own feelings aside and give them what they need . I resent this disease so much; I think it is going to rob me of my Dad too. He is showing the same signs as Mom...and so I am following the same steps I did with her. Dad is now on meds that have had a dramatic positive effect on him and things are better for now. I have all the right people aware of it and everything will be taken care of accordingly. I have taken the right steps for their safety, medications, with time and most importantly love. I visit them almost every other day now (sometimes I do surprise visits and they love that ) but I still have parameters in place (mostly the weekends I don't visit but then my brother is with them). I am more at ease now that Dad is on more meds that are helpful and he is getting more sleep which is good for anybody. I love them both sooo much, can't someone find a cure for this ??? I wonder what my chances are for getting this same disease ??? Once I've thought of that I stop to think how I'd like to be treated and that has had a powerful effect on me; I talk with my son about it too since he sees them as much as I do. Damn disease. This site is just wonderful; only us on here understand what we are all going thru; is a great support group. Thank you to all now and in the future for reading, and caring. Is very helpful.... :)
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Like stated above, home may be a childhood home, I've seen people at home repeat over and over they want to go home. My grandma lost her ability to count money first, things only went downhill from there. Make sure she has familiar objects in her room, family pictures, a quilt on her bed. Contact your local Area Agency on Aging or Bureau of Senior Programs, they will have someone who will be able to give you more specific info and can answer questions. Encourage the staff to engage her in the facility activities, this may take her mind off of 'going home'. It may be necessary for her doctor to assess her for some medications; not enough to zone her out but a low dose that will ease her anxiety and allow her to enjoy things again. Dementia is a terrible thing, I've been there with my grandmother so I can understand your frustration. Good luck.
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My understanding is a person with Alzheimer's dementia retains the ability to read well into the disease. It could be her vision is preventing her from reading??? Maybe a sign in her room in large, easy-to-read font that says "Mary's Room" (of course use your MIL's name) would help. Might be worth a try.
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My mother had Alzheimer's and was unable to take care of herself. She lived with us until the later stages. Is your mother in law able to care for herself? Most facilities have an Alzheimer's unit where your mother in law will have 24 hour supervision and she won't be alone. This may help her fear. My mother went through the exact stage that your MIL is going through, it is a normal part of the disease. They do not know where they are or who they are and they become very scared. Consistency is the most important thing that she needs right now. I was very structured and kept the same schedule everyday. This helps to minimize the fear. You can contact the Alzheimer's Organization - 1-800-272-3900. They have a 24 hour helpline. Ask them to send you an information packet. This will help tremendously. Their website is www.alz.org. Everything you need to know is on this website. God Bless you and I will pray for you. This is a horrible disease.
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First, I'd start with the Director of Nursing at the ALF. What have they observed? Does she focus all of her anxiety on her family? If that's the case, and she's relatively calm and able to be engaged in some activity at the ALF when you're not there, then I'd feel comfortable limiting phone contact to once a day.

However, if the DON reports that your MIL appears to be suffering from anxiety a good bit of her waking hours, I'd try drugs. It's heartbreaking, not only for you, but also for the staff, to have a resident who can't be made comfortable.

As for activities, is she one who likes to fuss with things (like folding, sorting, etc)? If so, bring in lots of napkins and ask her to fold them for you. Or, buy a bunch of multicolored copy paper, mix it up and ask her to sort it. Bring the next 'job' with you when you visit. Some people can be content with a large stack of magazines to page through, even though they've lost the ability to read.
ps – The more, the better! Dozens of napkins, hundreds of sheets of paper, a foot-high stack of magazines...you get the picture.
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Some excellent insight in these comments, thanks. She does have favorite items in her studio room. She has some companionship after a fashion as my mother is in the room next door and they seem to remember they know each other. I don't understand Ferris1 about the signs, could you elaborate? We gave her a (stuffed animal) 'puppy' at Christmas and she will hold and stroke the puppy and seems to like it. She had a dachshund for years and this is a good substitute. She was a very religious woman, I think she would enjoy church music, but I have to study how to have it play in her room without her having to turn something on. I love the brain trust that goes on here. Thanks.
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Reduce clutter, minimize her space. My Dad improved greatly when we moved him from his house to assisted living (about 1/8 of the space). Then improved again when he moved to the memory care ward (1/3 of the space of the Assisted living). Recently we de-cluttered his room, removed a lot of knick-knacks and extra photos and that has helped as well. Drugging him into oblivion is not an option in my mind because then he loses his ability to be active. A non-active mind and body declines even faster.
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This phase will pass soon and then she won't be able to tell you how confused she is. She is not "home" in her mind because "home" is where she grew up with her mother and father and siblings. That distant memory exists and nothing which is new will have any meaning for her. That is what is so painful for family members of loved ones to realize. There is nothing you can do for her except love her. Signs hung in rooms are no longer allowed due to HIPPA laws. I object to that when a person cannot hear, doesn't have their hearing aids in or won't wear them, and really cannot hear the conversation, but that is treading on a person's rights. I don't make laws...
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I have my Mom home with progressive dementia. She is always confused, more so in the early AM, but most always. She is always talking to her deceased siblings and she wants to go see them because they have called and asked her to come over. Her doctor said NOT to tell her they are dead. She calls me by name, but talks to me as if I'm her sister that she doesn't like. She is always going on road trips and comes home exhausted....lol She has a very nice BIG room with all the amenities, but always ask how her pictures and drapes are always every place she goes. I have to constantly tell her that this is her room and two seconds later she asks the same questions. There is really NOTHING you can do to minimize her confusion. Just be thankful that she is elsewhere and not at home. Taking care of a memory loss person 24-7 is NOT easy and very frustrating and stressful.
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This doesn't apply to all those who wants to go home - especially to the ones who Know that the ALF or NH (nursing home) is Not their home. But for those who have loss of memory, the 'going home' doesn't necessarily mean their real home, or their childhood home. Sometimes when they say this, it's because of how they're currently feeling - like fear, loneliness, pain, etc... You can acknowledge or distract them.

My mom, at one stage of her dementia, calmed down when we gave her baby doll. Well, she grabbed it from my little niece and refused to give up the doll. After that, whenever she became agitated, we would just gently lay the 'baby' on her lap. Mom would cradle her and calm down. But that was the mild stage. When she progressed to the violent stage, only meds can calm her. Mom had 9 children. So, even though she forgot most things, she did not forget how to calm down so as not to upset the baby.

Is there something that your mom used to love to do that you can implement in her room? If she used to knit a lot, can you decorate her room with knitted objects?
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Medications helps, I know it is heartbreaking to see her like this, I'm sorry
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yes I agree with tryingtomakeit - I often tell my mum that we're going home later when she asks when we're doing that - I had a friend whose mum was in a care facility and she was constantly ringing him with the same problems. He used to say' OK I'm on my way - be with you soon' but tell the care home that this was just to calm his mum down and he wasn't really going to come. And sometimes this worked because it settled his mum for that very moment in time and she would forget that she was expecting him - only a partial remedy though because the 'going home' desire returns
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Hello: I think that maybe if you can bring to her room at the facility some of her things like pictures of family she used to have at her own house, or some of her porcelain figurines or knick knacks, maybe her personal items like maybe comforters, lamps, etc. This might ease the confusion and her fears that she is not home. My mother's room in my house has some pictures she had hanging in her own room before she came to live with us, we also brought her bedding and a crochet blanket she made a long time ago.
But unfortunately, from time to time, she does get agitated, she is very sure someone had called her to tell her they are coming to take her back home, so I lie to her and I tell her not to worry that "it's tomorrow when they will get here" and she accepts this and calms down. After a short while, she had forgotten all about it.
It's so difficult to see the confusion and fears people with this illnesses have, there is very little we can do to ease this fears. If you haven't tried what I've suggested, give it a try, it might help.
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I don't think you can do anything apart from get her a companion and maybe that means care in her own home if she still has one, or care with you if you can accommodate her and a companion - tall order I know. My mum has dementia but has similar behavioural issues, can no longer operate the TV, can read a little but not engage with a newspaper any more, watches the TV but thinks the characters are in the room with her. She lives with us but has her own lounge and both me and hubby work in our own studies (retired but still doing academic work). I have to arrange for visitors to sit with her during almost all her waking hours otherwise she would be forever banging on her lap top tray for me. One thing that she does watch quite happily is children's TV - it's all quite comforting and she doesn't get upset by it so that's worth a try. Good luck
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There are medications that can help with her anxiety they make her seem sedated because she is but its better than her feeling frantic all the time.
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If there was something we could do to lessen our loved one's confusion sites like this wouldn't be necessary. There's nothing you can do about her calling numerous times a day unless you want to turn your ringer off. And even if you could orient her to where she is, by phone, I imagine she would forget it immediately based on what you described.

That's good that you're satisfied with her ALF but it may be time that your MIL is somewhere where she does have staff who can be around constantly.
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