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Hi,


I am living abroad and my brother is really struggling looking after mum. She is too weak to up the pull-ups, thus causing a daily mess at his home. Because of her dementia, she can't handle the nappies with tape-straps. We can't pay for a carer. Are they better nappies easy to up and down for weak elderly? Thank you.

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It is time now to seek placement.
This is often best done from hospital where social workers can help you find placement.
I would call 911 before this goes into a bedsore that can cause sepsis and death. Have mom transported to hospital care.
Do make a visit home NOW if you are at all able to.
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Thank you AlvaDeer; I'll share your advice with my brother; I visited mum last month, but can't move there permanently for time being
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Alva is correct. It’s time for placement.

My uncle was living alone in his home. He refused to go into placement and he developed a urinary tract infection that turned septic and he almost died.

My cousins were all working full time and told their dad that they would not be able to care for him. They insisted that he enter a facility.

My uncle initially fought back and said that he would hire a caregiver to help.

My cousins convinced him that he needed to be in a facility. He agreed and he was well cared for by the staff. He was content and made friends with the other residents. He died at age 96.
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Uh. Why is she still living on her own? It is not safe. Brother should be walking her to the toilet every few hours. Brother can contact social services to see if she meets minimum requirements to need help with at least 3 ADLs. They can do a needs assessment. You and he needs to understand that paying for any part of her care will never be reimbursed. Expect that she will not be happy with being placed. Her doctor will need to be involved with paperwork
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Ronnyj Apr 29, 2024
THanks 👍
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There are tools that can help pulling up "pull up" briefs and pants.
Tab type briefs are the type that someone else puts on a person that is generally not real mobile since they are prone to slipping a bit more. So generally a person is not going to be putting a tab brief on themselves.
Taking a brief off is not a problem most just tear at the side so they come off easily.

If she can not cover the cost of a caregiver has there been an application for Medicaid made?
A waiting list for a facility with a Medicaid bed. The lists are long and best to put her on the list at several facilities. Many would like the resident to be Private Pay for at least 2 years before the need for Medicaid.

If brother has to keep her home and no caregiver he will have to learn how to put on briefs and aid her BEFORE she makes a mess.
That means getting her to the bathroom at least every 2 hours. Staying with her in the bathroom. Cleaning her, washing hands and putting a clean brief on.
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Ronnyj Apr 29, 2024
Thank you 😊
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There is a better lift device that you pull up with. I got one on Amazon for $100.
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Ronnyj Apr 29, 2024
Thanks 👍
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IKEIMU23: Perhaps your mother requires managed care facility living.
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Ronnyj Apr 29, 2024
Maybe????
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Get her larger size pull-ups so she has less issues getting them to slide up.
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Beatty Apr 25, 2024
My LO tried the next size up & it did make a small improvement.

We were warned not to go too big though as a snug fit is needed to avoid leaks.

I guess it depends what the issues are.

Common problems;
- cannot bend well to get over feet
- large legs, pants very tight
- hard to stand up
- hard to balance
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The pullup style is good. But if a person cannot manage to pull them up (lacks strength, cannot stand well, cannot balance) then I am guessing they have trouble in many other areas too. This may be a hygiene problem, but it may be adding a significant falls risk also.

An alternative to pullups could be disposable 'net' pants?

They are unisex, fit like snug boxers, designed to hold a large incontinence pad in place. Probably buy from pharmacies or online. Warning: quite sheer.

As they are very light & very stretchy, they *may* be easier to pull up one hand at a time while still holding a walking frame BUT wrangling the pad into the correct position may be too hard.

Dementia progressess & frailty will worsen I am sorry to say.

The next stage is assistance by another person. As your Brother is her main caregiver he will need to decide if he willing to continue down that road of Caregiver into Personal care: dressing, bathing, toileting hygiene, dental hygiene.

It would be reasonable to call time. To start looking at other options now.
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Ronnyj Apr 29, 2024
Very good advice! 👍
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My aunt used to use feminine napkins instead of pull-ups. You just need to have them changed frequently, so she doesn’t get a UTI. Not sure if you are in the US or not. You mentioned your brother can’t afford to hire a caregiver. There are programs out there if you qualify. If she or your father was in the military and if there was a war going on during the time they served, she would qualify for the Aid & Attendance program. She would get a monthly income to help with hiring someone to help your brother. There are other programs out there though. You just have to do your homework and find them. Check with her insurance and see if there is someone that can come give your brother a break a couple times a week. Check with your local County or City to see if there are other programs.
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