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When I ask her if she needs anything, she will say nothing!

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llamalover47: Mom has no idea that she calls me so much. I have told her about it and she refuses to believe it. When I told her that she calls me in the middle of the night, she said "I'm not even up then". So when the phone rings at 3 a.m. I listen to the message and then take the phone off of the hook! God forbid, if it's a real emergency.
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Coralmae: I'll bet that your mother has no idea that she's calling you so frequently. When I asked my mother why she called me 5 times in a 4-minute period, her response was nothing, she said no words! Have her call you on your cell phone only. Try to imply to her to leave messages for urgent situations only.
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If your thinking about another place make arrangements at on & take her to lunch there. Could be there when ready & she picks it out.
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Muffincat, thanks for your suggestion. I finally had to join the real world and get a cell phone! I give that number to people who need to reach me (friends, doctor's, etc) and my Mom only has the home phone number, where she can leave all the messages that she wants. I do answer her calls when I am through with my work calls, then take it off the hook. I make sure that I tell her when I am coming over with her dinner and I've decided not to mention the cat food or her underwear! That way when I'm with her, she won't dwell on either. Tonight we were watching TV while I was there and saw a commercial for an assisted living program and she said "I'm not going there" and then proceeded to tell me about another commercial that shows "a place for mom". She laughed about it but it gave me the perfect opportunity to bring up the place that I am trying to get her into. I said "mom, what will you do if anything happens to me & I won't be able to help you?" She replied that she would do what she normally does but when I asked her who would do her laundry, yard work, cook for her, clean her house, etc. she had to think about it. I then suggested that maybe it was time to move out of her big house, with a lot of stairs, and go to a nice, small apartment (meaning a studio apartment at the local nursing home). She told me that she would think about it, but also said that her house was too big for her and the steps were killing her.

Well, I guess I'm getting way off track here, but I truly do appreciate your answer!
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Coralmae, can you get her her own number for you, so that you can turn it off, fill up the message machine and have it on when its suitable. My mother got to the point where she didnt know what a phone was, I was with her one day when it rang, and she just sat there and said I dont know what that noise is, as noone is at the door. She was back in the 1940s [ I guess] and the phone was down at the public booth on the corner of their street. . I also wonder if she would know what was an emergency and when it wasnt. So dont beat yourself up. It really is hard. I will admit my sister and I sighed a deep sigh when she finally got to the secure rest home. Only problem was it turned into not a good one.. but we are happy with the present arrangements
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My mom (who has dementia) started calling me a lot when we got back from a vacation that she was really excited about. We were gone for only 4 days, but when we got back, the phone calls started coming at an alarming rate of speed. She now calls me at least 50 times a day to tell me that her cat needs food (I have to monitor that now, because she was feeding the cat 4 times a day and he wasn't eating it) and the she needs Fruit of the Loom underwear (which she has a ton of). She seems to be fixated on these two things, no matter how many times I show her that the cat has food and I show her the underwear every day.

It has gotten to the point that where she is calling me at 1, 2, or 3 in the morning because she can't tell night or day now. Again, this has been going on since May. At first I was answering the calls, but for my own sanity, I had to stop. She fills up my answering machine and nobody else can get through. I've missed important calls because of this. At this point I am ashamed to say that I take the phone off of the hook at night when I go to bed around 1 a.m. Then I call her in the morning. when she starts the non-stop calling I take the phone off of the hook again. I really hate to do this because I'm afraid that something terrible will happen and she won't be able to reach me. But I work from home and have to respond to customer service emails and I just can't take the constant interruptions. And I'd like to be able to get a good night's sleep before going through the whole routine again.
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If she has Dementia or Alzheimer's, she may not be recognizing you. It has been some time now that my mother has failed to know me. Her face lights up and she realizes I am someone she knows but she doesn't know my name or that I am her daughter. One thing to remember....this too shall change. She will stop this and move on to something else. Pour your frustrations out to God. He will listen and understand.
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I dislike saying it, but my late mother would turn into a 2 year old. Our loved ones cannot help it. Their brains are aging. Come back on here as much as you want for your own sanity. (((Big Hugs)))
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My wife has Alzheimer and at church she got up to go look for me. The usher said here he is. Her reply was ,in your dreams. I told her he had to go home so we left and when we got there she found me. Just no end to the stories that candy be shared.
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Yes, my mom used to do exactly that. If something was clearly on her mind i would go through a list of things she might need to try to figure out what was bothering her - hungry? thirsty? pain? need to use the bathroom? etc, but sometimes she was just agitated and there was no logical cause.

If this is becoming a constant thing then there are a variety of medications that may help with her anxiety, my mom was much more herself for a long while after we started her on mirtazapine to help her sleep at night.
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My mom is often rude and nasty to me when she phones, but her regard for me is much "softer" and kinder when we are physically together. It's almost as if she perceives me differently "in person" (when we're together) than when we are just connected by telephone. There is also a tendency to objectify me on the phone; she is more likely to treat me merely as the means to an end, or perhaps as an obstacle to getting what she wants or needs, as the case may be. I haven't figured this out, and I don't think I can shed tons of light on why your mom does this, but I suspect there is a reason, brain-wise, for the behaviors you (we) are seeing.
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My alz hubby is in our home at the table working on puzzle &I am other rm when he will yell help, help or come I need you & it is only he needs to see me to make sure I'm there or wants me to see what he's done, another way to say I can't see you. He is in his world & can't change so I have to step out of my changeable world into his. Yes, it gets tireing but he's like a little kid who lost his mommy in an unreognizable place & scared to death.
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Unrecognizable place scared to death. (Sorry bad punce didn't finish)
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My alz hubby is in our home at the table working on puzzle &I am other rm when he will yell help, help or come I need you & it is only he needs to see me to make sure I'm there or wants me to see what he's done, another way to say I can't see you. He is in his world & can't change so I have to step out of my changeable world into his. Yes, it gets tireing but he's like a little kid who lost his mommy in an unrecignizable
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My Mom hasn't done this yet, but I wouldn't be shocked if she did. I can tell sometimes she calls me with no real purpose, but tries to make one up, and she's just reaching out. I'm OK with this, she doesn't want to talk long, she never was a chatter, it's only when she calls and yells at me that I have a problem...which she just did while I was typing this. Yay for yelling, at least she hung up on me before I had to hang up on her.
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My momma literally picked up her telephone and tried dialing me while I was sitting next to her in the doctors office. She was sitting on my right and another woman was sitting on my left. Me and this woman were having a conversation, just chit-chatting when I kept noticing my mother staring at the door where the nurse calls me to go in, it was odd, but mom kept staring at that door. I wasn't thinking anything about it, I figured she was watching for the nurse to come out to call me. The next thing I know she's trying to dial me on her phone. I looked over at her and I said, "Momma who are you calling?" and she said, "you". I assured her I was right here and she looked at me so pitiful and told me she felt absolutely stupid. I asked her what she was thinking and she said it just felt like a very long time that I had been in there. It was just that short time I was having a conversation with that lady that she felt afraid because I had been gone a long time. That's when I started realizing she was losing the concept of time and I knew I could not leave her by herself so that's where we are today, I can't leave her by herself even though she is in her right mind much of the time, she does not understand the concept of time. This gets worse when she's hungry, sleepy or upset about anything.
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If Mom is sitting next to you and calling, try holding her hand for a minute. It might just be she needs the reassurance that you're there.

Toddlers reach out all the time to Mom - maybe your Mom is doing the same with you.

Have you tried giving her something to hug? A teddybear, a pillow, a blanket? It might help. She could just be afraid at the moment she is calling you.
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muffincat, that is an amazing thought. lola, I imagine this could either make you want to laugh, or cry. Maybe ask her some light questions when she 'calls,' like what did she dream about last night or what's her favorite type of sandwich. People always recommend the videos by Teepa Snow on YouTube.
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She wont even know that she is, In the rest homes they yell" Nurse Nurse Nurse". and thats it.
A bit like a 2 yr old saying "Why" to anything you say
I liken it to the doppler sounds of a dolphin, and not the start of a conversation
Its hard to just bounce back a sound, but if you can think of it like that or another analogy it might help you
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Lola, it seems as though this could have to do with anxiety.

Has she been worked up by a geriatric psychiatrist for anxiety, agitation and depression?

Meds can often make a huge difference
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Lola, this is part of the dementia. The Alzheimer's site has lists of typical behaviors and suggested caregiver actions. Often this disease leaves the person afraid. She may just need some assurance that you are there and helping her. Conversations can turn into a loop of repetitive statements!
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Dear Lola,

I'm so sorry, I know you are doing the best you can for your mom. I know I would find this extremely annoying too. You have tried to be as patient as possible. I'm not sure what her medical issues are or mental faculties are, but maybe tried to have them reviewed by a doctor.

If you can, maybe try to get another caregiver to sit with her and go out once a day for yourself. Be kind to yourself. It is hard. My dad has passed and I still wish I had found another way.
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