Mom has mid stage dementia and is still cunning and manipulative. I have reminded the aides, nurses, and supervisors several times and they assure me they will instruct the aides. However, again today, Mom insisted they take off the footrests so she can get close to the table when she eats. Then afterward, no one bothers to put them back on. They don't even have to be removed, just lifted and turned aside. The nursing home over and over ignores this or says it has been addressed and over and over it re-occurs. Also, Mom is left with liquid tea when ALL her drinks must be thickened. If I am not there, who knows how many times these things are ignored. I am tired of speaking to the "staff" over and over. What is my recourse if Mom is such a fussy and demanding resident who refuses what is ordered for her? So far, none of the issues have been life-threatening. Do I just sit back and let these things go on? So very frustrated.
While I wouldn't go so far as to suggest you sit back and let things go on, my experience taught me to pick my battles. Our loved ones are one among many now and are not going to be cared for in the meticulous, attention-to-detail way we would care for them.
Advocating for our parents who are in a NH is busy work. I succeeded in alienating the staff with all of my demands in the beginning. I wished I had done things differently. My dad is not being abused or neglected and knowing that has to be good enough sometimes. The first week my dad was there they lost all of his clothes. I had to go out and buy all new clothes for him. I stomped around that place for days looking for these clothes and the only thing I succeeded in accomplishing was making myself nuts. Like most elderly people, my dad's skin is very thin and he cuts and scratches himself often. The staff would apply sticky bandages to these cuts and scrapes which would pull at his skin when removed. To me this was a no-brainer and I complained about this too. It was just one thing after another. Some people suggested, reasonably, that if I didn't like the care he was getting, move him somewhere else. But after going through all of this, after spending so much of my precious down time on the phone trying to change things I realized that I had to let them go. Pick your battles and let the rest go. Once I did that I was much more at peace and now if there's an issue I feel that I can go to the nurse and be heard since I'm not complaining all the time anymore.
You have no recourse if your mom is a fussy and demanding resident. Can you reason with her? The thing about the footrests on the wheelchair, is that really a priority? If your mom is in pain from her foot dropping because there are no footrests she'll let someone know, believe me. If it were you, would you suffer in silence? I know I wouldn't! So if it's not bothering her let it go. The thickener, on the other hand, is a battle you should wage. If your mom has trouble swallowing and there's no thickener in her tea she could choke. Tell the nurse, tell the nurse manager, and tell the director of nursing that your mom has to have thickener. Then try to trust that someone will see to it. Give it a day or two and pop in at mealtime to ensure there is thickener available to your mom. If there isn't then you have to go through the whole thing again. Fight this fight until your mom gets the thickener.
My dad's been in the NH for 5 months now and I've had to let go of a lot of stuff. I know how difficult it is but we can't be with our parents 24/7. If my dad is clean and doesn't complain of being mistreated then that's a good day.
Good luck.