Mom (68) ended up in a behavioral psych unit a week ago for the second time this year. We finally got a diagnosis: Frontotemporal dementia. The psychiatrist has put the condition that she cannot be discharged home as it is unsafe at this point. We must have a facility for her to go to. She is fighting this denying the dementia. They want to discharge her Tuesday but only if she has a place to go to. No medical POA was created before this and from what the placement lady from hospital explained was it was too late to do that due to diagnosis. She advised guardianship/conservatorship wasn’t necessary and very expensive. Has anyone else encountered this? We have a place picked out that the hospital recommended. I believe my brother has financial rights but how do we verify this quickly? Are we authorized to do all this since the doctor put it as discharge plan?
Talk to a social worker. Her remaining option may be for a judge to assign her a third party legal guardian who will then get her into a facility whether she "agrees" or not. Guardianship is necessary for someone to make decisions on her behalf from here on in but yes, it can be very expensive if you pursue it personally. Does your Mom have the funds to eventually pay for this? If so, you may want to consider moving ahead with that.
A 3rd party guardian will act to protect your Mom. This means you will be locked out of her house, her accounts and any decisions in managing her affairs. But the guardian will consult you, since you know your Mom best, and you will still be allowed to carry on your relationship with her (as long as it remains healthy and edifying for her).
I'm so sorry for this distressing situation. I wish you all the best as you seek a solution.
First of all, there is no executor of a trust.
There is only a TRUSTEE of a Trust. That is currently either your mom or your brother, as we know it isn't YOU. You need to know which. As your mother is now incompetent to manage her Trust and the Trust will designate who becomes Trustee in those circumstances.
You can ask brother to show you the papers that allow him to act for his mother now.
However, know that he doesn't NEED to show them to you if he is Trustee of Trust now, or if he is POA.
You can see an attorney who would perhaps be able to confirm his power to act for your mom.
I am beginning to see this now as a problem between you and your brother. Your mom is helpless. The two of you need to come together. If you cannot then you need to see an attorney on your own behalf to at least know if brother is currently the Trustee, the POA and the Guardian of your mom.
You and brother have to work together now Kaki. There's no way around that.
I disagree that conservatorship or guardianship is not needed. SOMEone must now serve for her, whether you or brother or the state. At this point you seem uncertain just whether or not brother already IS guardian?
I don't understand how your Mom can be placed otherwise.
As your mother is wealthy enough I think you should see an Elder Law Attorney right away with the information of the diagnosis of frontotemporal dementia, and the information that a psychiatrist/neuro has said she cannot be safely discharged. I don't believe she can be safely discharged to you at this point, either. She is no longer competent to make any of her own decisions, including whether or not she is in care or who is her POA/guardian.
Even without this dementia, you told us in your April 15 posting that there have been many breakdowns and hospitalizations for mental illness with hospitalizations in the last year. At the time she was diagnosed you told us you weren't aware there are different kinds of dementia. Sadly, the one mom is currently diagnosed with is notorious for causing outbreaks of violence that are very difficult to manage and get controlled, even with medications.
Mom now needs placement in good care and a guardian to manage her finances for her, all of this being paid by her assets. SOMEone is currently guardian. You need to be told who that someone is, because I think that isn't being shared completely with you. I wonder about the relationship between your brother and yourself? Is it currently broken?
I really don't know what to tell you other than that I think you and brother should get together, then go to social workers wherever mom is currently now held. I think you should speak to them together.
Or I suggest you see an elder law attorney for your options here, because if state takes conservatorship of your mother neither you nor bro will have much input at all. If she has assets they will go to her care, and decisions re her home, car, etc as well as her placement will be out of your hands. You can beg she be placed close enough for visits; that's about the extent of your control at that point.
I am so very sorry all of this has happened to the three of you. This is so terribly sad. The only thing I can say is that you now know why all these hospital admissions occured.
I hope I mentioned Liz Scheier's great memoir, Never Simple, in which she tried to help her mentally challenged mom for decades with the help of social services in New York. It was all to no avail. I am just hoping you will read this book; not a new one and should be cheap used on Amazon.
I truly wish you all luck.
Please get together with your brother and speak about who will now serve as mom's guardian.
I hope you will update us.
I just read your update that indeed your mother does have money.
In this case, you are being told that no one is conservator/guardian or POA and no one has to be makes me suspicious and curious.
If your brother is already Trustee of what you indicate below is a sizable estate he doesn't have to prove that to you. Nor need he share any info about his POA with you.
BUT SOMEONE has to be, and not the state at this point.
I would contact an attorney and ask them to see who currently is appointed to act in your mother's behalf.
Secondly, I don't know who you talked to at the hospital that told you petitioning for conservatorship/guardianship costs a fortune. It doesn't.
How that works is you go to the probate court and file the petition for conservatorship with them. The court will appoint a lawyer for your mother (unless you have one that will be used) that represents her interests. That lawyer gets paid for by HER funds. Not yours.
The judge considers all the diagnoses and everything else and then there's a conservatorship hearing. The judge will decide the petition there and then usually. It's not such a difficult process.
Let the hospital place her until you get the conservatorship petition done in the probate court. Then go from there.
See an attorney that specializes in elder care / elder care trusts.
Never ever 'totally' rely on responses here. Every situation is somewhat different as are state laws.
Of course she is "fight this denying the dementia." This is what dementia is.
She is confused and scared.
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created her trust and see how they can advise you. Good luck.