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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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I'd like to know the answer to this, too, because my mom does the same thing. It's frustrating because you're trying to be helpful and explain something--just like you'd do if she was still "herself". I have to remind myself that she can't help it, and just can't remember what we're talking about and why. The hardest thing is dealing with their emotions and the ones they evoke in us.
I'm going to be straight up with you and use a specifically hard time in my life to illustrate the technique.
The answer is lie, agree, and withhold information you think would upset her. Agree with your mother, then do as you please. As long as your mother is safe and happy not a whole lot else matters. Sounds bad doesn't it. But let me explain.
My mother went on a respite vacation leaving me with Grandma for a week. One hour after my mother was gone, grandma forgot all about where she went and when she would be back. No matter what I said or how I reasoned with her, she was angry, emotional, and full of anxiety which left me up to my armpits in poopy. I'm embarrassed to say that I didn't LEARN this self preservation technique till about 5 days into the trip, but as a last resort, I lied. I lied like a rug on the floor, like a convict on parole to get out of a ticket....and it worked. Seriously grandma believed that mom was just at work...she'd be home later that day....or tomorrow...it didn't matter what I said as long as I didn't tell her mom was gone. They aren't serious lies, they are little white ones that satisfy her brain like giving a baby a pacifier.
We can't share any neighborhood problems with grandma or let her watch the news like we could when she was "herself". All of the bad stuff she sees is internalized. She thinks the worst about the weather and if there is crime, it turns into "men in her room" which keeps us all up at night.
It only hurts her to hear the truth about some things she can no longer process with her oxygen starved brain. Hearing the truth about her mother being dead, she being one of the last 2 of 10 of her siblings to be alive is extremely upsetting to her...since she lost the memory of their passing. Does it hurt us to let her speak lovingly of them like she saw them yesterday? No...we are learning to work around it, and losing the guilt for what we say to keep her emotionally comfortable.
On days where I just find it taxing, I just nod a whole lot. There is nothing gained by trying to reason with or explain anything to someone who has dementia. All you can do is love her and try to keep her out of things that will hurt her.
Vent, vent, vent. Please let out your feelings. Venting in a safe place will save your life and help you to preserve your mother's feeling of dignity.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
The answer is lie, agree, and withhold information you think would upset her. Agree with your mother, then do as you please. As long as your mother is safe and happy not a whole lot else matters. Sounds bad doesn't it. But let me explain.
My mother went on a respite vacation leaving me with Grandma for a week. One hour after my mother was gone, grandma forgot all about where she went and when she would be back. No matter what I said or how I reasoned with her, she was angry, emotional, and full of anxiety which left me up to my armpits in poopy. I'm embarrassed to say that I didn't LEARN this self preservation technique till about 5 days into the trip, but as a last resort, I lied. I lied like a rug on the floor, like a convict on parole to get out of a ticket....and it worked. Seriously grandma believed that mom was just at work...she'd be home later that day....or tomorrow...it didn't matter what I said as long as I didn't tell her mom was gone. They aren't serious lies, they are little white ones that satisfy her brain like giving a baby a pacifier.
We can't share any neighborhood problems with grandma or let her watch the news like we could when she was "herself". All of the bad stuff she sees is internalized. She thinks the worst about the weather and if there is crime, it turns into "men in her room" which keeps us all up at night.
It only hurts her to hear the truth about some things she can no longer process with her oxygen starved brain. Hearing the truth about her mother being dead, she being one of the last 2 of 10 of her siblings to be alive is extremely upsetting to her...since she lost the memory of their passing. Does it hurt us to let her speak lovingly of them like she saw them yesterday? No...we are learning to work around it, and losing the guilt for what we say to keep her emotionally comfortable.
On days where I just find it taxing, I just nod a whole lot. There is nothing gained by trying to reason with or explain anything to someone who has dementia. All you can do is love her and try to keep her out of things that will hurt her.
Vent, vent, vent. Please let out your feelings. Venting in a safe place will save your life and help you to preserve your mother's feeling of dignity.
Hang in there! Love HB