Mom has a court-ordered guardian who wants to split her possessions among myself and one sibling. I think they should be sold for her care.

I would send a letter to the court. Could it be that this guardian is being paid by the hour and is figuring out how to get more than their fair compensation by creating jobs?

They have legal guidelines, do you know exactly what those are? I would get the paperwork pronto and get this resolved before it is to late.

I do think that you are allowed to take personal items from the estate, these are typically non asset, unless they are very valuable and specifically addressed in the will or trust. What would your mom want is the question of the hour.

Get yourself educated about what this guardian should be doing, is allowed to do and how they report to the courts. Knowledge is power in these situations.

I can't know what you are speaking of here. Things bring very little today, and are bought by people looking to resale. They give you almost nothing. They would not likely cover a month in memory care; of course on the other hand you could be talking museum quality antiques. It personally sounds to me as though the guardian is doing an excellent job, selling things of value for her care, letting you and your Sis decide on momentos, and with the incentive to get along being the storage thing, which personally I think you should have to split cost of YOURSELVES.
I think they are given some leeway. I think in the interests of there starting to be some peace here I would go along with this as long as the things you and sib will split up are not of any great value.
The constant going over every little thing becomes sort of habitual. Time to pull together and assist this guardian in doing all she can to make things better for Mom, and to share with Sis the pain of where Mom is at now. Sometime we would rather "go to war" than face "grief".

It does sort of depend on how much money your mother has. Do you have any reason to think that she is likely to need the comparatively small funds she's likely to derive from what would be essentially an estate sale? Not to pry, but how secure is she financially, and what would be your rough estimate of the value of these goods?

"Sell everything and put the cash into your mother's account" has the virtue of being simple. But it is part of the guardian's ethical responsibility to *continue* the course that your mother has preferred unless there is a good reason not to. So, say she was Melinda Gates's richer sister, and had always donated generously to animal welfare: those donations should be continued, in spite of your mother's no longer being able to express any interest in the matter, unless it becomes or might become a problem.

Here: if your mother can afford the storage without noticing the cost, and if this is a temporary solution to family disagreement that will allow your mother's estate eventually to be distributed as your mother at some point indicated, then that would justify the guardian's approach.

Normally this sort of thing wouldn't be consulted until the right time, but do you happen to know if your mother attached an inventory to her will?

Doing what she can to smooth down family conflict is also within the guardian's role. Where the children's interest conflicts with the ward's interest, there's no contest - the guardian protects the ward. But where issues around the care of the ward are creating conflict between the children, the guardian is right to do what she can to reach a compromise - she is standing in your mother's stead.

Even the fact that your mother doesn't know the time of day any more is not relevant. The question is what your mother *would* do if she were able to act for herself, and the guardian ought to get as close to that as she can without risk to your mother's interests.

The guardian has very generously made arrangements for you and your sister to choose items of your mother's that undoubtedly have more sentimental than real value, which as others have already pointed out may in fact cost more in the long run to pay to be disposed of than they are worth. While the letter of the law may indeed be on your side I question why you are pushing back on this - since the guardianship was a bitter contest that resulted in a third party being appointed I can't help but wonder if it is more about ensuring that your sister gets nothing than worry about your mother's finances.

I agree with the previous posts, most likely it will cost more in the long run to sell the items than they would bring in if sold. Unless your mother has expensive art work or antiques of great value. Even then those items would have to be appraised $$$, and likely sold at auction which takes time to find the right sort of auction.

The only thing I would quibble on is putting the remainder of the items in storage. I would donate them, no point in paying storage for something the family does not want.

"But my sister changed that [mother's will] last year."

Come again? What do you mean? I'm sure you know that your sister could not alter your mother's will, so what did she do?

I know that you and your wife have been going through hell over your mother's care; and I appreciate that there is still some distance to go; but how are you going to get past fighting your sister? It's in your and your mother's interest to do so.

Tip: starting a fight with the court-appointed guardian will not help.

If there are only two items you care about - unless by some freak of fate those are the same two items that your sister claims are the only ones she cares about, of course - why would it not be your best course of action to accept them and walk away? Do you have practical grounds for concern that the money will make a material difference to your mother's welfare?

"... pay for storage on things we can't agree to"

is not compatible with

"I don't care if my sister gets everything."

What is there not to agree to, if you've no interest in particular items?

Please understand that this is a point of view with which I would have complete empathy: is it the case that you just can't stand the thought of your sister walking off with a shed-load of free loot?

I happen to think that such a feeling would be natural, and perhaps justified by earlier experience. But it's got *nothing* to do with your mother's welfare now.

StoneMan, Solomon was being reasonable in exactly that way when he suggested cutting the baby in half. These items have sentimental value, do they? Do you mind if I ask what sort of things they are?

Ohmygod I can see the two of you getting into a bidding war at the sale...

Wouldn't it be a *relief* to let it go?

Okay - when I say "walk away" I suppose I must have meant metaphorically speaking. The guardian needs your explicit agreement, I imagine, because otherwise she'll be leaving a loose end which might later be challenged.

Are you likely to get much hassle over those two items? (yikes, don't tell me, the secretary is where your sister used to do her schoolwork, according to her recollection..?)

Is the guardian aware of your doubts about the current will's validity? Was that gone over during the hearings?

I'm assuming a guardian was appointed by the court because you and your sister couldn't agree on what should happen to care for your mother. I'm sure it's more complicated than that but that's the basic boil down. I think you need to just let the appointed guardian do their job, they need to report every penny and every move to the court, they aren't simply working autonomously or for themselves since this person isn't associated with the family aside from this new appointed position. I'm not sure why you would have an issue with this, I think the more typical complaint in this situation is that the guardian is selling everything off without consideration of the kids so I'm thinking you got a caring one who want's to do the best they can by the entire family. It is their primary job and purpose to care for your mom though so if they feel there are enough funds to manage the care she needs until her passing while giving you and your sister the items you want why fight it? If you really don't want any more items then don't put stickers on anything but I would urge you to include your children in claiming items important to them as well if you have any. You might be surprised at the salt shaker your daughter became attached to because GM always used it when they cooked together or something. Then if both you and your sister have dot's on the same items and one of those is the salt shaker be sure to calmly, dare I say lovingly, tell her it is (Sara's) choice not yours and will go directly to her, maybe it will make a difference and maybe not but currently you say you have no investment in any of the items so it should be easy to just give in then and say ok you take it sis but maybe you could consider leaving it to Sara in your will. As far as having your mother pay for storage, again if the guardian feels it's affordable why fight it and if the items really don't mean anything to you why not let your sister just have them, no regrets?

If your mom runs out of money to support her placement and it doesn't sound like that's on the horizon, it's the courts problem not yours, they appointed a guardian to use and conserve her money the best way possible and if she runs out I think they then become responsible for making sure she continues to be cared for, she wont be thrown out on the street and it may very well be the case that the MC she is in also has Medicaid beds or a plan in place to keep her there even if she should run out of enough money to self pay. This isn't like a family trying to preserve a LO's estate by finding ways to keep things and have the state pay for their care, this is the state in full control. Maybe you are just so conditioned to fight for your mom, feel like you need to protect her that's it's hard to let go now that you no longer have that responsibility or option. Did you agree that having a court appointed guardian was the best resolve at this point? Try stepping back and out a bit here, focus on taking care of yourself and the rest of your family don't let go of your family treasures (they may have monetary value and they may not, it doesn't matter) and memories out of frustration now and be sorry later including the gift of being able to just spend quality time with your mom now in her current home, the one she will likely pass in. Be a part of her life and just experience that from now on, let the guardian take care of the details and headaches they are being paid to take care of.

I don’t understand why you don’t want to go to the meeting? You have all these questions that only the guardian can answer....why not go to the meeting and get some answers? I still suspect the guardian has decided not to sell everything off because it would cost your mother in the end. When my neighbor passed, his daughter was going to have a big estate sale to get rid of a house full of stuff-she described it as “1980s ceasars place”, however when the estate sale people came out and valued everything l, they told her it wasn’t worth it.

@StoneMan, why challenge the guardian's plan? Why not challenge the will made last year? Surely your mom wasn't "of sound mind" that recently.

So try and get sister to agree about stickers, choosing things till the last picture hook is taken care of, keep what you want from choices, have an estate auction with what's left, put proceeds in an account that requires 2 signatures to withdrawal with your and your sister's name on it. Account is not in mom's name but extra funds are available for her if needed. No storage fees, no mess to deal with at a later date, upon mom's passing the two of you can then close out the remaining money from the account, having the bank issue exactly 1/2 to each of you.

I'd go ahead with the sticker plan, except for the part where "no one wants it" so it goes into storage. Instead just say, "okay I'll take it" Or let your sister have it and then if possible when you end up with it, sell it if you can and what won't sell give to charity. Then use the money for your mom.

I am against storage as it ends up costing more than the value of the items. We did that with some of dad's furnishings when he moved from AL to LTC. Paid about $1000 to store and then I said enough and we donated them to Salvation Army. You can’t hardly give away used furniture...it’s ridiculous. Even young kids just starting out don’t want our stuff.
When we sisters went through dad and mom's items when we moved him to IL, we used stickers. There were 4 of us. If two or more of us put a sticker on the same item we drew a number from a bowl. The person with the higher number won the choice. You can also use a deck of cards. We accepted the decision and moved on.
Then we had an estate sale and donated what was left behind. You need to come up with an agreed upon method to dispose of these items and not store them.

Can you just take everything your sibling doesn't want, then you sell it and you give that money to the guardian to use for Mom's care? Also, unless your mom has very very unique items most of her stuff will not bring in much money at an estate sell. I certainly see your point about not wanting to have her pay for storage.

Forget it, You can't Fight City Hall, Although this seems like An Appall.
Guardianship gives her Court Rights and unless you go Broke with a good Lawyer, It could be Lengthy and hellish, Don't waste your Time. Let her Go.
Take what is Given and be glad she didn't Leave you and the Sibling Out.

I recently cleaned out my Mother's condo. Donated household things like pots, pans, dishes/glasses and small appliances to Goodwill. Donated furniture to The Salvation Army but note that they do not take mattresses or anything with glass like a glass top coffee table or mirrors. A company called "College Hunks Hauling Junk" took whatever leftover furniture Salvation Army did not want. We went to an auction house with "collectibles" like sterling silverware, Hummels/Lladro and Wedgewood and got about $2,500 for a car load of stuff. Definitely would NOT put stuff in storage, because you know in your heart that when Mom dies, the junk in the storage unit will go in the trash. Get rid of everything now. Good Luck.

I would make sure everything is stickered by you or sib. Take your stuff and sell it, use it for moms care. Nothing will be left for storage. Guardian has upper hand on this, but they cant tell you how to play your hand.

If she has already been moved to a nursing home, and you sell the house, and the house is still under her name, won't the nursing home get the proceeds for the cost of her care? I thought under Medicaid a person can only have like $2,000 in their account and no more.

When she passes and anything that goes into probate, Medicaid can acquire under the Estate Recovery Law.

My mom had a guardian and conservator appointed by the court. Very contentious between the twisted sissies and me. Many things were sold at an estate sale. Some things were split, which for the most part I chose to not participate. I was the caregiver, just did not care. Every squabble that occurs that guardian is charging your mom.

Putting things in storage, I agree does not make sense, at all.

Twisted2, mom's POA and executor, decided that mom's business assets would be put in storage, that happened four years ago now. TS2 tried to sell some, but had more an emotional attachment to the items. Just yesterday, the things were moved out of storage to my unfinished basement. Over the course of that four years storage cost in excess of $25,000.00. That is finally done. To spend that kind of money on something TS2 considered only worthy of donation was causing issues with closure of mom's estate.

So, Stone, the more you do not agree, the more it will cost mom funds that are needed for her care. Accept 1/2 of the things to keep or donate or give to others. Go with the flow to get done with it.

Estate sale would raise funds for items at a rate of pennies on the dollar. It is tough, I know. I actually was the one that asked for a court appointed guardian, the situation was out of hand. There was nothing I could have done that would have convinced my twisteds of anything. Work with the guardian to show that you can and will cooperate for your mom's best interest.

If you all have a good understanding then go ahead sell all her things and distribute to the kids with full understanding that you all put the money in an escrow and use it for her care in equal amount. This way it will be 1. She can get the care she needs and not worry after her time.

Sending loads of hugs and prayers to you. Recently lost our Mom and it was a long journey. Having read your story, I guess I have a question. Are you making this harder on yourself with dealing with a Court appointed guardian? When we had to move mother into Assisted Living we knew she would never again have need nor want all that "stuff" in her home. We did put some of her belongings from the house into storage. We later realized this was useless as Mother would never again be able to use any of it. Yes the house was sold and the money used for her care. My brothers and I were fortunate as we all agreed that disposing of the household items was what needed to be done. We divided them.

Not having the same level of cooperation I am suggesting that you take the things you want (to keep or sell). Then sell what you want and get your mother any of those things she may require that are not covered by the dollars paid to the facility she is living in. Be that clothing, creams, hair care, fingernail care, and the list goes on. You could also spend some on special treats (flowers or something special to her) Also you may be able to take a few pieces for her to have with here in her new home.

That way you will feel you are helping her and the costs are covered with money from her belongings. It can be a win/win for you and your mother.

Good luck, remember, be kind to yourself first, so you have the heart, strength, and health to give your mothers extra love and special attention.

A few questions/points.
1) Will mom have to apply for Medicaid at some point? If so then giving things away may not be a wise option.
2) Most "things" are not worth what people think they are worth. So selling may not produce that much in the way of income.
3) If the Guardian thinks it is necessary for the storage unit then the court will approve of it even though I agree it is a waste of money. Anything that can not be sold or that you or other heirs do not want could be donated to a local Charity. (Not much of a write off but some).
4) You have every right to go to court to let the judge hear your opinion.
5) while it may cost a % it might be wise to get someone in with Estate Sale background that can appraise what is in the house and get it ready for an Estate Sale that will draw more people. There are people that follow Estate Sale companies so look for one that has a good reputation and is known in your community. (and the % it will cost still puts more money in your mom's account than paying for a storage unit or giving things away. Although you should take a few pieces that mean something to you..if you want them)

I'm just being practical here. I have no idea how many possessions you are talking about or how huge the job might be, but could you and/or siblings just choose all the things, sell them, and avoid the storage? you can put the money towards your mom's care then. If the job is very large, then maybe just get the estate sale going. There are some estate sale places that specialize in emptying houses for elders.

Seems all parties need to meet and come to an agreement. I think the guardian is trying to avoid the "I really wanted that _____ to remember Mom by" scenario. Go through the place with the guardian. Sticker everything you want. Have others do the same. Agree on a date to remove everything. You could always agree to take leftovers and sell them to put into an account for Mom's care.

Let it go... it’s just “stuff”. We spend 1/2 of our lives collecting stuff, and then spend the other 1/2 getting rid of the stuff. If we’re lucky anyway.
if something of your moms has sentimental value to you, then by all means request the item.
otherwise, why worry about “stuff” ?

Storage for long period is crazy - that's at least $100 per month & most of stuff will be tossed later

Selling these items is crazy too if you think there will be much money from them .... think about 5 to 10% of initial value so not much - why don't you & sibling take what you want but say to guardian that the 2 of you will take the other third to donate to charity or do a garage sale between you - however look under all items for a 'name' as there might be something of great value but don't hold your breath on it

You & sib will have taken the most sentimental items & rest has little value - here there is a community garage sale the Sat. after labour day so all the college kids can pick up what they need maybe that would work for you

The work to arrange selling this stuff is huge [I found this out with my mom & dad] for basically little money back - we asked an antique dealer to look over the things we didn't want but he only would take 5 things & then on commission only - the guardian charges a fee by the hour spent on this or has a flat fee depending where you live & it is not worth his/her time for the money recovered

I say if you both have POA and I pray at least one of you does have it, and if not, get it now, YOU can tell the caretaker what to do - they do not have the right to control things. I personally say sell what is not wanted or needed for her care and to store things is pure insanity. Don't do it. Talk to a good attorney and get involved in decisions made by the judge. These are her possessions and funds from them should go for her care, and I don't see how anyone with half a pea sized brain could argue with that. Good luck.

So my cousin recently had someone come in and set up a sale of the items in her parent’s home. Someone had come through and put big $ in her eyes when looking at the house and what repairs it might need before selling. Aside from a couple of chairs I don’t think anything was older than 1940. Most if what sold was the small stuff, kitchen dishes and pyrex pieces, the kitchen table. Her Grand Haul was $1,300.00 the seller took $400.00 and she owed the neighbor about $200.00 for item he put in the sale. On top of that she drove up there several weekends getting ready and had to pay for her Companion to go with her as she has limited mobility and the companion helped her get things ready for the sale. I’m sure the $700.00 she ended up with got eaten up with those expenses. Now she has to make another trip to arrange for the removal of the remaining items to trash or donate which had been her plan to begin with. Understandably there was no sibling to deal with and mother has been gone 20 years (father longer). So unless there is some big ticket item that people are going to come running for I’d go with what the Guardian is offering. Pick a piece or two that means something to you and let the rest be sold or let the sibling have it.