Mom has a court-ordered guardian who wants to split her possessions among myself and one sibling. I think they should be sold for her care.

@StoneMan, why challenge the guardian's plan? Why not challenge the will made last year? Surely your mom wasn't "of sound mind" that recently.

I don’t understand why you don’t want to go to the meeting? You have all these questions that only the guardian can answer....why not go to the meeting and get some answers? I still suspect the guardian has decided not to sell everything off because it would cost your mother in the end. When my neighbor passed, his daughter was going to have a big estate sale to get rid of a house full of stuff-she described it as “1980s ceasars place”, however when the estate sale people came out and valued everything l, they told her it wasn’t worth it.

I'm assuming a guardian was appointed by the court because you and your sister couldn't agree on what should happen to care for your mother. I'm sure it's more complicated than that but that's the basic boil down. I think you need to just let the appointed guardian do their job, they need to report every penny and every move to the court, they aren't simply working autonomously or for themselves since this person isn't associated with the family aside from this new appointed position. I'm not sure why you would have an issue with this, I think the more typical complaint in this situation is that the guardian is selling everything off without consideration of the kids so I'm thinking you got a caring one who want's to do the best they can by the entire family. It is their primary job and purpose to care for your mom though so if they feel there are enough funds to manage the care she needs until her passing while giving you and your sister the items you want why fight it? If you really don't want any more items then don't put stickers on anything but I would urge you to include your children in claiming items important to them as well if you have any. You might be surprised at the salt shaker your daughter became attached to because GM always used it when they cooked together or something. Then if both you and your sister have dot's on the same items and one of those is the salt shaker be sure to calmly, dare I say lovingly, tell her it is (Sara's) choice not yours and will go directly to her, maybe it will make a difference and maybe not but currently you say you have no investment in any of the items so it should be easy to just give in then and say ok you take it sis but maybe you could consider leaving it to Sara in your will. As far as having your mother pay for storage, again if the guardian feels it's affordable why fight it and if the items really don't mean anything to you why not let your sister just have them, no regrets?

If your mom runs out of money to support her placement and it doesn't sound like that's on the horizon, it's the courts problem not yours, they appointed a guardian to use and conserve her money the best way possible and if she runs out I think they then become responsible for making sure she continues to be cared for, she wont be thrown out on the street and it may very well be the case that the MC she is in also has Medicaid beds or a plan in place to keep her there even if she should run out of enough money to self pay. This isn't like a family trying to preserve a LO's estate by finding ways to keep things and have the state pay for their care, this is the state in full control. Maybe you are just so conditioned to fight for your mom, feel like you need to protect her that's it's hard to let go now that you no longer have that responsibility or option. Did you agree that having a court appointed guardian was the best resolve at this point? Try stepping back and out a bit here, focus on taking care of yourself and the rest of your family don't let go of your family treasures (they may have monetary value and they may not, it doesn't matter) and memories out of frustration now and be sorry later including the gift of being able to just spend quality time with your mom now in her current home, the one she will likely pass in. Be a part of her life and just experience that from now on, let the guardian take care of the details and headaches they are being paid to take care of.

Okay - when I say "walk away" I suppose I must have meant metaphorically speaking. The guardian needs your explicit agreement, I imagine, because otherwise she'll be leaving a loose end which might later be challenged.

Are you likely to get much hassle over those two items? (yikes, don't tell me, the secretary is where your sister used to do her schoolwork, according to her recollection..?)

Is the guardian aware of your doubts about the current will's validity? Was that gone over during the hearings?

StoneMan, Solomon was being reasonable in exactly that way when he suggested cutting the baby in half. These items have sentimental value, do they? Do you mind if I ask what sort of things they are?

Ohmygod I can see the two of you getting into a bidding war at the sale...

Wouldn't it be a *relief* to let it go?

"... pay for storage on things we can't agree to"

is not compatible with

"I don't care if my sister gets everything."

What is there not to agree to, if you've no interest in particular items?

Please understand that this is a point of view with which I would have complete empathy: is it the case that you just can't stand the thought of your sister walking off with a shed-load of free loot?

I happen to think that such a feeling would be natural, and perhaps justified by earlier experience. But it's got *nothing* to do with your mother's welfare now.

"But my sister changed that [mother's will] last year."

Come again? What do you mean? I'm sure you know that your sister could not alter your mother's will, so what did she do?

I know that you and your wife have been going through hell over your mother's care; and I appreciate that there is still some distance to go; but how are you going to get past fighting your sister? It's in your and your mother's interest to do so.

Tip: starting a fight with the court-appointed guardian will not help.

If there are only two items you care about - unless by some freak of fate those are the same two items that your sister claims are the only ones she cares about, of course - why would it not be your best course of action to accept them and walk away? Do you have practical grounds for concern that the money will make a material difference to your mother's welfare?

I agree with the previous posts, most likely it will cost more in the long run to sell the items than they would bring in if sold. Unless your mother has expensive art work or antiques of great value. Even then those items would have to be appraised $$$, and likely sold at auction which takes time to find the right sort of auction.

The only thing I would quibble on is putting the remainder of the items in storage. I would donate them, no point in paying storage for something the family does not want.

The guardian has very generously made arrangements for you and your sister to choose items of your mother's that undoubtedly have more sentimental than real value, which as others have already pointed out may in fact cost more in the long run to pay to be disposed of than they are worth. While the letter of the law may indeed be on your side I question why you are pushing back on this - since the guardianship was a bitter contest that resulted in a third party being appointed I can't help but wonder if it is more about ensuring that your sister gets nothing than worry about your mother's finances.

It does sort of depend on how much money your mother has. Do you have any reason to think that she is likely to need the comparatively small funds she's likely to derive from what would be essentially an estate sale? Not to pry, but how secure is she financially, and what would be your rough estimate of the value of these goods?

"Sell everything and put the cash into your mother's account" has the virtue of being simple. But it is part of the guardian's ethical responsibility to *continue* the course that your mother has preferred unless there is a good reason not to. So, say she was Melinda Gates's richer sister, and had always donated generously to animal welfare: those donations should be continued, in spite of your mother's no longer being able to express any interest in the matter, unless it becomes or might become a problem.

Here: if your mother can afford the storage without noticing the cost, and if this is a temporary solution to family disagreement that will allow your mother's estate eventually to be distributed as your mother at some point indicated, then that would justify the guardian's approach.

Normally this sort of thing wouldn't be consulted until the right time, but do you happen to know if your mother attached an inventory to her will?

Doing what she can to smooth down family conflict is also within the guardian's role. Where the children's interest conflicts with the ward's interest, there's no contest - the guardian protects the ward. But where issues around the care of the ward are creating conflict between the children, the guardian is right to do what she can to reach a compromise - she is standing in your mother's stead.

Even the fact that your mother doesn't know the time of day any more is not relevant. The question is what your mother *would* do if she were able to act for herself, and the guardian ought to get as close to that as she can without risk to your mother's interests.

I can't know what you are speaking of here. Things bring very little today, and are bought by people looking to resale. They give you almost nothing. They would not likely cover a month in memory care; of course on the other hand you could be talking museum quality antiques. It personally sounds to me as though the guardian is doing an excellent job, selling things of value for her care, letting you and your Sis decide on momentos, and with the incentive to get along being the storage thing, which personally I think you should have to split cost of YOURSELVES.
I think they are given some leeway. I think in the interests of there starting to be some peace here I would go along with this as long as the things you and sib will split up are not of any great value.
The constant going over every little thing becomes sort of habitual. Time to pull together and assist this guardian in doing all she can to make things better for Mom, and to share with Sis the pain of where Mom is at now. Sometime we would rather "go to war" than face "grief".

I would send a letter to the court. Could it be that this guardian is being paid by the hour and is figuring out how to get more than their fair compensation by creating jobs?

They have legal guidelines, do you know exactly what those are? I would get the paperwork pronto and get this resolved before it is to late.

I do think that you are allowed to take personal items from the estate, these are typically non asset, unless they are very valuable and specifically addressed in the will or trust. What would your mom want is the question of the hour.

Get yourself educated about what this guardian should be doing, is allowed to do and how they report to the courts. Knowledge is power in these situations.