Bedroom and bathroom upstairs, some days she won’t go down and eat because it’s too painful to get downstairs. Doctor recommends one story home. Husband refuses to sell home, family owned house for 100 years. “I’ll die here”. That’s fine, his choice but it shouldn’t have to kill her too. She will not divorce him- he has diabetes and “needs me” extremely toxic relationship. She calls weekly crying to me how awful everything is and how cruel he is. Can he be reported for elder abuse?
If neither of them have been diagnosed with cognitive or memory impairment, you can’t force them to do anything. Call APS to report them as vulnerable adults. The county will become their guardians and they will make all their financial & medical decisions, including which facility they put them in. If your LOs don’t like this thought then they need to make changes now. The ball’s in their court.
Look into a stair lift, perhaps?
Who cooks for them? The person could take the meal up to her. The only other option you have is placing her is an AL but that cost money. A NH she could get Medicaid. Assets are split with Husband becoming the Community Spouse. Moms split gets spent down and the Medicaid applied for.