Mom has an online "boyfriend" who wants her bank account info and SHE GAVE IT. What do I do now?

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Mom has an online "boyfriend" who wants her bank account info and SHE GAVE IT. What do I do now?

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My mom discovered the world of dating apps to find men her age to talk to. I'm okay with it because it DOES give her people to make friends with, but she met a "too good to be true" man who asked for her banking info AND SHE GAVE IT TO HIM. She said "he wants to wire me money".

No, I am not guardian for my mom nor do I want to be. This is the first bizarre behavior I've seen.

How did she fall for such an old trick? She doesn't even entertain spam calls! She doesn't donate to those fake charities, but she fell for this trick? Some man she's never met asked for her banking info and she fell for it?

I could rip my hair out.

Frauds & Scams

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This is why old people should not be allowed on the internet. Nor should they be trying to date. Too many fall for these scams. Your mother will lose all her money. Just don't bail her out financially when it happens.

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Please note the date. I would hope OP has contacted the correct people by now.

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Close all accounts now, contact credit bureaus as the scammer may have her SS number as well

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If they've never met and never lived together, they may not be legally married according to the laws of your state. Most states do not recognize a wedding ceremony in which one or both parties are represented by proxies. I'm quite sure that according to the rules of the Catholic Church, this "relationship" would not be recognized as a valid marriage.

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Obviously call the bank and police to report this. Disable the computer and find something else for your mom to do with her time that won't bankrupt her.

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Llamalover47,

It is not called iYogi what was formerly called Techjini. It is now called Datamatics.

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Patathome01: Thank you for your post.

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aj6044: Perhaps your mother fell for it because the gentleman used a tactic of promising money. Without knowing more about the individual, you were right to consider it suspect. Close down your mother's bank account(s).

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Dear Everyone,

I am very aware that any post on any social site has the potential to be pure catfishing / gaslighting, that some people are bored and simply post to see how many responses their posts can generate. You know, think up some too common problem, make a provoking post, then sit back and watch the show.

Honestly, the lack of response from the OP on this one has me wondering if this is legit or simply a lure for well-meaning people to involve themselves in exercises in futility by responding at all, many with very helpful and thoughtful advice.

I commented on a post awhile back that had too many repeated responses from the OP that encouraged the well-meaning to continue to give her/him the attention s/he so obviously craved. I called her/him on some aspects of the supposed situation and ended up having this person leave a msg on my page, inviting even more attention and doubtless, doing the same to others.

Honestly, how would we know what drives some people's behaviors?

It's a shame that well-meaning individuals with good advice to offer get caught up in harmless attention-seeking scams by simple virtue of wanting to help.

May not be the case here, but zero response from an OP who said she isn't guardian for her mother and doesn't want to be. So, why did she post about this in the first place?

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Plus why ask on here what to do. Call the bank and police, block the account and get a new number.

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Just something about Medicaid for healthcare. You are allowed more in a savings acct than 2000. My nephew has more than that in his savings acct. You also are allowed to make a certain amount of money a year.

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Call the bank immediately. And then police.

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My exampIe of trouble: I was a victim of bank fraud in late 2017 to early 2018. I called my email carrier on the site's phone number but got referred to thisTechgini company out of "New York" who fixed my hacked email account and I thought he was OK. However, this Indian-accented male, Scott, also talked me into more laptop work, claiming it needed bug fixes that cost me thousands of dollars in gifts card transactions, promising to refund all money back and compensate me a percentage when his jobs were done. Unfortunately, he got more payments until my bank stopped more transactions. I had to visit my bank in-person until I got my laptop cleaned up from his work at my regular servicer. And, I never got my refunds that were promised. Bottom line, never go to any vendor online site for assistance. Contact your regular contractor for assistance.

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Patathome01: Perchance was the tech company called 'iYogi?'

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This appears to be fraudulent actions. Were gift cards or cryptocurrency used? If you have not yet contacted her bank, do so today!! Where did your mother find her date, and what APP is set up? Some sites invite legitimate relationships and need to be closed immediately! Her mental condition should be evaluated by her doctor and social worker.

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Someone tell me if this is legal and/or a problem. I might alert the bank manager. Explain the problem and accept that he may not be able or willing to look into it. I once lived in a small town where it would have helped at the local branch. These days?

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Hate to say it but some really lonely women - even with no cognitive issues at all - are so desperate for male companionship that they fall for these scams. Even smart women get swept away by a man who will say the things she wants to hear. The "love bombing" and constant attention break down her defenses so she grows affectionate towards him ...and then the money requests come.

Don't give money to strangers pretending to want to date or marry you - EVER.

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Call the credit card company if you haven't already.

Take the computer and get a tech to remove suspicious sites. Dating Apps are dangerous. There are groups for all sorts of interests..........why not help her put those up? Cooking, sewing, pet project, senior programs, collectors, etc.

Make appointment with Geriatric Psychiatrist for an evaluation.

Dr. Phil has dedicated hundreds of episodes to phishing, perhaps you could direct her guardian to view a couple with her.

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It's called, "CatPhishing" - put it in your search window.

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I have a friend who is 53. Hardly elderly and a smart (I thought) businesswoman.

BUT--she fell prey to the 'Cyprus/Nigeria' scam where she somehow met a guy online and they began a heated love affair--all on the internet. 'They" worked the lonely hearts scam from an actual office in Cyprus and tried to get lonely women to take the bait.

She fell for this 'guy' and all his BS and finally WENT to Cyprus several times and tried to meet him. He was cagey, I'll give him that...she never actually was able to clearly identify HIM from all the other people in photos. She became obsessed with him. She began sending him thousands of $$ because supposedly he was being held in Cyprus and had to buy his way back to Nigeria (I know, this sounds so bizarre).

She was sooooo lonely. She wanted to get married, and actually had been engaged 3 times but the weddings never happened--so she never had kids and a family--I was worried sick about her, this was so out of character for her.

She actually cut me dead when I told her I feared she was being scammed and said to me "How are you going to feel when I walk into church one Sunday with Joe?" I said "I will think that you adopted a Nigerian orphan, He's 24. You're 53".

She has not spoken to me since then.

And she finally DID marry the kid! Now, she is back home and working to support his entire family and it looks like he can't come to the states.

She lost her home, her savings, now she's living with her mother and working herself to death to support this scam. BUT, she's married!!

These scams are real and most don't go as far as this one--it was truly bizarre to watch it unfold.

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I know you're not talking to her, but she must feel awfully foolish!

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People are telling you to close the account, but you are not guardian, and you are not POA and your Mom is not demented or impaired,so you cannot do that. If you cannot make her understand, she will WILL lose all her money. She has shared this with you, but at some point she will stop telling you. I would encourage her to open one of those new CDs at a good rate (now closing in on almost 4% interest. That will close down an account for withdrawal, leaving only her checking at risk. Is she bright and capable enough to know, when she loses some money that this is losing a lot.
Dr Phil has a whole bunch of programs about women being taken online. If you can access any try. Share AARP articles also with her, they have a lot about scams. I am sorry this is happening, but it is kind of like conspiracy people; you cannot convince them they are wrong. As long as there is no diagnosis on your Mom there is no protection. She is free to flush her money down any toilet she wishes to, and sadly so many seniors are doing just that. There is a lot to access online to prove to her she is in danger. Share it with her and hope she wakes up. Do let her know that you will be no help to her when her money is gone. I am so sorry this is happening.

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Simple close the account and open a new one.

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I’m sure as other people have said you gotta go with her to the bank and get that account closed and open up a new one.

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Well now that it is done change banks NOW! Set up another "safe" account and then set up a "fake" account that mom can have as a go to. Only keep about $100.00 or the minimum in it and show her the receipt. This way she still has some "control" yet she can see there is not a lot of money in there.

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Who is her guardian? Her guardian should notify her bank IMMEDIATELY and ask their advice. It may be necessary to change passwords or close the account. It sounds like it's time for her guardian to take over her financial matters.

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It does not sound like there is a guardian, the OP isn't and is not interested in being one since she wrote this:

"No, I am not guardian for my mom nor do I want to be."

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Call the bank and close her account down.

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You can't do it over the phone. The person who owns the account has to do it.

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First, follow all the advice to shut that down, change accounts, alert banks, new passwords, all that.

Next, chat with Mom. What's your take on her level of 'scam awareness'?

There are bad decisions.

Then there is cognitive decline, brain injury or brain disease causing impairment.

Profile mentions Mom has various issues "stroke victim, alcoholic, memory impaired"

Has there been a recent cognitive assessment? The short dementia screening test could be of value, depending on type & skill of professional. Can be a start - a full neuro-psyche will show the actual skill levels across many domains.

Don't be fooled by a simple 3 question what's the day, year & president's name. Means they know that - does NOT mean there is reasoning, processing, judgement & working memory to handle financal matters.

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There are plenty of very lonely women with no cognitive decline that fall for these scams because they're so desperate to have love.

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My Aunt, God rest her soul, did the same thing! She was giving money to some man who promised her a "better life." She depleted her account, my uncle's, would borrow money from anyone who would give it to her. No amount of talking would change her mind. After she passed away, the calls/requests for money stopped. We think it was a local guy because he knew of her passing.
As mentioned in other comments, changing of accounts, don't give her info, etc., are all great! We have to be our eyes and ears for our loved ones.

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Here is what you need to do right now, yesterday.
1- change the passwords to your mother’s on line banking and don’t tell her the new ones. When you do give them to her, continue to change them once a week.
2- open a new account, transfer the money from the old account, and then close the old account. No checks. All bills paid through on line banking by you. Inform the banks of her mental capacity. They can put a note on her account that alerts them to a confused senior and that you are to be called if she should try to withdraw money over a certain amount. You will need to be on the account with her for them to do this.
3- make sure she has an account with a very small amount of money she can access and then you control the larger account and transfer money over as needed.
5-cancel all but one of her CC’s and on that one set up an alert that comes to your phone for any charge over a certain amount. You will have the ability to deny the charge or at least call the CC at that moment to tell them it’s a scam charge.
4-go to the three credit reporting agencies and freeze your mother’s credit. This will prevent anyone from taking out loans or cards in her name. This is very important to do for anyone who has dementia. I even froze my own credit as you can unfreeze it quickly if you need to. Freeze is free, a credit lock is a monthly charge.
5- go onto the dating app and block this guy. Inform the dating site that is he preying on senior citizens. I would also see if you could send him a message through the app saying you are her daughter and are on to him and will press charges if he contacts her again. And he may want to tell his scamming buddies to leave her alone because you will be monitoring everything in your mother’s life from here on out. I don’t think it is a good idea for her to be on these apps at all if she can fall victim to scams like this, but if you take the above steps so she doesn’t have access to her money it may be okay.

My father suddenly had a women calling him that he said he had just met and was speaking to a lot. I overheard him talking to her about going on a vacation to Spain and he said, “I’ll pay for the whole thing”. One day she called his cell and I picked up the phone and said he’s downstairs can I help you? She got very cagy and when I asked her how long she had known my dad and where they met the two stories didn’t line up. She said she had known him for years and they met at a party. My father doesn’t do parties. Never has. I told her he said he just met. She started to backtrack. I hung up on her and blocked her number from his phone and deleted her information. End of that scammer.

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According to your previous posts, you are POA, correct?

Your mother can't have very much money in any accounts, since she's on Medicaid, correct?

Your mother lives in senior housing, correct? What kind of Medicaid does she get?

You've written of difficulties with your mother for years now. What are you doing in the way of caregiving for her now? Does she get any in-home help, and if so, who is paying for that?

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I can't assume someone who says "No, I am not guardian for my mom nor do I want to be" is going to be that involved in what happens to her mother. Sad to say.

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You can become her Power of Attorney which puts you in charge of her finances. Hopefully, you did something about the account she exposed to her "friend",,,same procedure as if she lost the card or had fraud on it. She did it because she has dementia. You need too protect her. And that will protect assets that she may be beqeathing to you.

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Did you see what she wrote? "No, I am not guardian for my mom nor do I want to be."

Does that sound like she wants to be involved?

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Scam. Scam scam. Change the phone numbers and delete delete every trial but first save for the police just in case he may just show up at ur door. Simple. Don’t tell mom what u did. That’s Nuts! Bd careful and be safe put passwords on mom can’t use for at least a mth just so the guy will be puff be gone. Ur going to have to treat the computers phones like u do for kids just to keep mom safe life she doesn’t get it. Sorry it’s better to be safe than sorry.

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I can tell you that if she fell for this, then there's probably more you're not aware of. When I discovered fraud on my mother's account, research found that it had been going on for three years. The scammers have now sold her information to other scammers as she's now flagged as a known sucker. They will be relentless. I've actually talked to one on the phone and told him to quit calling my mother. He had the gall to call right back and tell me how rude I was. The problem with letting them talk to the scammers is that they aren't talking to one person. They are talking to a team of people, who are available to them 24 hours a day. You can't compete with that. My advice is to get at least financial POA. Pull credit reports. Make a police report. Maybe install parental control software on her phone and computer. I take care of all my mom's finances now. She's got a credit card with a small limit, that way they can't do too much damage.

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I would report it to the police. They should have a fraud reporting department. You should also notify her dr as they may order an assessment now.

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Mom has an online "boyfriend" who wants her bank account info and SHE GAVE IT. What do I do now?

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