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Hi,
Thank you one and all for all the input/help in the past year. Mom went into hospice this past Friday and passed today peacefully with me holding her hands. I am so numb right now and exhausted from the past couple of years dealing with the day to day challenges of dementia. I haven't had a chance to process all of today yet. The journey for my mom is now over, but for me it is not over yet. Now will come the clean-up: living trust, death certificates, banks, house, inheritance taxes, her taxes...


I sure I hope I will get some kind of sign from my mom to let me know she made it to the other side and will be waiting for me.

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Elvisman67
So sorry you have lost your mom. It’s beautiful you could be with her and she was able to be in hospice and had the comfort of you with her.
Give yourself a few days to rest.
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elvisman67 Feb 3, 2024
Thank you.
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Elvis,

I am so sorry for the loss of your mom. Wishing you peace as you grieve.
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elvisman67 Feb 3, 2024
Thanks.
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So so sweet that you held her hand that whole time. May you now receive rest and refreshment, and peace in your heart.
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elvisman67 Feb 3, 2024
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My sincerest condolences on your mom's passing. May all the tasks you have yet to do go smoothly as you negotiate your grief. Peace to you.
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elvisman67 Feb 3, 2024
Thank you.
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My deepest condolences to you upon the loss of your mom. She was lucky to have such a loving son and I’m so glad you were able to be with her at the end.

Best wishes to you! 😊
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elvisman67 Feb 3, 2024
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Well done, you. I'm glad you were there and that she passed peacefully. You will get the necessary work done, but maybe take time to sit with this big change and the new feelings it brings for a day or so.

At my grandmother's wake, a man from her church said for me to expect a visit from my grandmother and not to be too startled when it happened, but that he felt it was a common experience (he and others had had it) and he thought I would have this experience, too.

I'm pretty anti-mysticism in nature and just allowed the man to say his piece to me. I could tell it was important to him to say this to me, but I didn't believe his words. But, more than once, I've felt my grandmother's presence since she passed. Mostly it was soon after. I saw her once. In a way that I can't explain, I saw her... like it was some kind of vision or something.

So I'll say to you what the man said to me: Expect the visit. She'll come when it's the right time. And you'll just know, somehow, that she's at peace and that she's never truly that far away, even while you remain on this plane of existence, and she's gone ahead.

Some things just can't be explained through empirical evidence.

Wishing you peace and comfort.
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elvisman67 Feb 3, 2024
Thanks. I want that visit and sign soooooo bad! I hope it comes sooner than later.....I'm looking, listening and waiting.
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A big sigh. I am sorry.
Take one day at a time as they say.
The feelings can break through the numbness in wwaves. Go with the waves until they settle. It can take time.
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elvisman67 Feb 3, 2024
Thank you.
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I am so sorry you have lost your mother. What a comfort for her that you could be there holding her hands.
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elvisman67 Feb 3, 2024
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So sorry for your loss .
It will take time to grieve and process it all . Be kind to yourself , the chores will get done . Take breaks , allow yourself to rest .
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elvisman67 Feb 3, 2024
Thank you, great advise... it's the resting part that is hard right now....the mind is racing a thousand miles a minute..hospise reached out to me yesterday and it felt good to talk...I am most likely going to hook up with a local support group in the next few weeks.
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She is free.
Take time for yourself.
Do not let anyone tell you that there is a time line to grief. There isn't. We each have our own.
With all that you have learned please continue to share what you have learned and what you will learn with this new daunting task ahead.
(((hugs)))
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elvisman67 Feb 3, 2024
Thank you.... she is free from all the pain now... everywhere I look, there are traces of my mom..many great memories to hold on to.
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I’m sorry for your loss and hope you can find peace in the days ahead. I’m sure your mother knew on some level your love and care, and she was blessed to have you looking out for her
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elvisman67 Feb 3, 2024
Thanks.
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I'm glad that you were able to be with your mom when she passed and that she passed peacefully. That is a gift for sure.
Now is the time for you to heal and recover from all that you've been through the past several years. It will take some time, so don't rush the process. Allow yourself time to grieve.
You're going to be ok, and even though your mom won't be with you physically, she will be with you in spirit.
May God give you His peace, comfort and strength in the days, weeks and months ahead.
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elvisman67 Feb 3, 2024
Thank you so much.
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Condolences on the loss of your mom. If there is a place on the other side, she surely is smiling down on you and will patiently wait for you. May she rest in peace, may her memory be blessing, may you survive and thrive in the future. Hugs to you.
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elvisman67 Feb 3, 2024
Thank you so much.
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So sorry
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elvisman67 Feb 3, 2024
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Elvis, as a nurse, and as an atheist, the one thing I DID see with patients who were leaving this realm, was that those who were awake mentioned their loved ones coming for them. So I hope you are right. Many are so at rest, so medicated, that they sleep through, and don't mention such things.

Give yourself some time, and know there is no hurry in your doing the Trust. I advise a Trust and Estate Attorney to help. Even in just getting the tax EIN number online they are a whiz whereas if you do the application yourself and miss something it delays it like mad. They don't cost much if you do a lot of the work yourself. For me the work of settling this stuff kept me busy enough not to think too much.

I am so sorry for your loss. For me, when I lost my brother, who I had written long long letters with when he was alive but living in another town, I wrote him. Decorated it with photos and memories and just discussed my days with him. I did this a bit short of a year. It helped me mourn, but still celebrate his life.

Your Mom was lucky to have you by her side at the end of her journey here.
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elvisman67 Feb 3, 2024
Thank you.
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I didn’t know your mother but for over 60 years I have known a mother’s love. Far too many people have not been able to enjoy that special bond. I join others on this forum as I send you my warmest condolences.
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elvisman67 Feb 3, 2024
I had her for 57 years in my life and I am beyond honored to have been her caregiver the past couple of years with the dementia she had even with all the chaos and disorder that dementia brings.
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I dont know you of course but am so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad from the same cursed disease (though no diseases are great) seven years ago.

It will be a hard row ahead, but in my case I firmly believe my dad gave me ways to let me know he made it. I will not say what those ways are as yours may be different. But I believe your mom will let you know that not only is she OK, but how appreciative she is for you for all you have done to be there for her.
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elvisman67 Feb 3, 2024
It is so strange to go from 24/7 caregiving to complete silence now.... I know it's been over a week now but I sure wish mom would give me a sign sooner than later to let me know she made it.
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I believe! Rest up …go slow and easy….God Bless you.
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(((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))
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elvisman67 Feb 3, 2024
Thank you.
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I am sorry for your loss. And I pray that you get help to talk out and process your continuing journey: the practical steps that you have to do, and for the exhaustion of having dealt with the day-to-day of your mom's dementia.
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elvisman67 Feb 3, 2024
Thank you....It's been over a week now and I am absolutely numb....my body is here but my brain is shot with emotions.
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I am so sorry for your loss. May The Lord give you grieving mercies, strength and comfort during these hard days.
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elvisman67 Feb 3, 2024
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I'm so sorry for your loss.
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elvisman67 Feb 3, 2024
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I'm sorry for your loss.

I hope you can grieve your mom as you go forward. Take some quiet moments by yourself and let the good memories flow over you.

I am a 'woman of faith' and I KNOW there is a life after this one. And it's beautiful, and best of all, there's no pain, sorrow or sadness.

((Hugs))
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elvisman67 Feb 3, 2024
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Get some rest , Take Naps - go by some flowers . Sorry for the Loss of your Mom .
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So very sorry, be kind to yourself, she is in a good place.
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I'm sorry for your loss. It is so overwhelmingly difficult to go through this. Perhaps the paperwork will keep you busy enough to deal with the grief little bits at a time instead of all at once. Take care of yourself and I hope the message from your mom comes soon. It may come at a very unexpected time and place, so stay open to it.
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So sorry for you loss. Praying for you and your mom.

My husband passed away a few months ago after suffering with dementia for seven years. You are right, there will be very much to do---funeral, sending death certificates to various companies, insurance policies, etc, etc..

I hope you get some sign from your mom. My husband smoked a pipe many years ago. After his passing, I smelled pipe smoke on and off for many weeks. My youngest son also smelled the pipe smokes several times when walking his dog.

If you are a regious person, know that your mother is at peace, free from pain and in a wonderful place. ((((Hugs too you))))
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My condolence is sent out to you. Just take it one day at a time and hang in there and you will do well.
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I’m so very sorry for your loss 🙏🏼
Id suggest take a few days not thinking about all of the paperwork you need to do. Probably getting away from the house will help. Prayers to you 🙏🏼
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