My Mom lives on the West Coast and I am on the East Coast - My Dad died two years ago when my husband was deployed to Iraq. He then came home and retired after 40 years. Because my husband was gone for so long, our marriage can't take another separation with me being in California. My brother took care of my Dad and now just recently put Mom in a beautiful assisted living center, but she is fighting it tooth and nail. She has been diagnosed with dementia but is able to take care of herself, however it just became too much and my brother felt it would be better if she was around other people. The guilt I feel is unreal, and because she doesn't keep her cell phone on, I cannot connect with her. I send her a goody package a week and let her know how much I love her but I still feel horrible.
Thank you..
Yes that is what I meant. I know Genesis is definitely For Profit
If your mom would be interested in/able to watering plants, my mom loved the basket of bulbs (tulips, hyacinths, whatever was in season) that she just kept watered and watched them grow.
Some NH/ALs where the family has not paid to have a landline installed in their room, if there loved one wants to call their family, etc, the facility would provide one, there is either no privacy or it is limited. Landlines in many of these places are the responsibility of the resident or family, so you're right there.
If someone is calling in to speak to a resident, they can also call the main number and be connected to that room, sorta like a hotel. Otherwise my Dad had his own number. To dial out he needs to "dial 9 first".
If one needs a landline, Target sell them. I suggest something simple. Just about every room in my house has a landline so there is no running about looking for the ringing cellphone [I don't like wearing my cellphone].
Plus if an elder is still living at home, if they dial 911 the dispatch will see the elder's home address immediately on the screen all the elder has to do is verify that is their address, if they can talk. If the elder had a stroke and can't talk, the dispatcher will send EMT out to check on the person.
I would think land lines would in fact be the responsibility of either the resident or family, and that the OP would be willing to foot the cost to keep in touch with her mother.
I get the feeling we're on two different wave lengths - what am I missing here?
Many AL/NH, landlines in the are the responsibility of loved ones. They pick up the cost for it being installed and the bill as well. The OP's mom has access to a landline, but it is probably at the nurses station/reception desk or some central room (for privacy).
One of the reasons some of us caregivers don't rely on cell phones as primary communication for our parents is that a few seconds can be critical if an injury occurs and immediate help is needed. Picking up an "always on" land line phone is quicker than opening a cell phone, pushing the on button, waiting for it to activate, etc.
Seguing off CWillie's suggestion, cards and letters are in some ways just as good as phone calls. Your mother can keep them, post them on a card board (there are specially designed boards for this), and reread them.
I think I've written this somewhere on another post but don't recall which one. When a family member was ill, I collected about a few dozen cards from my stash, used rubber stamps and added funny comments, then wrote on the outside what the cards were for - i.e., to be opened when feeling blue, or tired, or feeling great, or thinking about a season change, thinking about family, etc.
You can add photos; I'm thinking your mother might find it interesting to see photos of the places you've lived and seen during your husband's military career.
You can also ask your brother if the facility has Skype capability. If so, you could use that as a communication method as well, but perhaps it would be better if your brother or a staff member would be there so your mother doesn't have to figure out to Skype.
Does your mother have a CD player (not an iPod - those can be too complicated for someone with dementia to use)? If so, get some CDs of her favorite music and include them in the goody packages.
Send flowers on special occasions as well.
Notwithstanding the difficulties of multiple separations and deployments over the years, do you think you could visit occasionally, perhaps for the holidays - or both of you could visit so you're not separated from your husband?
I do think the goody packages are wonderful ideas.
Oh, and please thank him for his service and sacrifices.
My case was different as my Dad was the driving force behind moving from his home and going into someplace where he wouldn't need to worry about keeping up maintenance on his house, and having to pay for around the clock caregivers. For my Dad, it was $$$ he was saving by doing this. Dad is now in Memory Care and he likes his studio apartment.
But it is hard, here my parents had been fugal their whole lives, [Mom has passed] and now Dad is in this little apartment. The Staff helped me understand that when someone has dementia, that person prefers a smaller apartment where they can see all their things by sitting in one chair. It gives them a sense of security. For my Dad, when we recently moved him from Independent Living to Memory Care, I told him it would be like he was back in college and moving into a dorm room.
Personally, I don't think cellphones are a good choice for someone who has dementia. Heck, even I am all thumbs using one. My Dad has a landline and he has no trouble using it.... this is one thing that is ingrained in their memory because they have used landlines for way over a half a century.
I guess you will just have to rely on old fashioned snail mail and send cards and letters, this may actually be better as she can save and reread them and show them off to friends and staff, and it saves you from hearing rants about things you have no control over.