She claims she doesn't want to be a burden but in Reality this has been an excuse to be a miser all of her life. Every time there has been a need for her to spend money, she had to save "for the nursing home". However she is very naive about what a nursing home will be like. She thinks it will be like a cruise ship or spa visit.
In fact yesterday she was complaining about a relative who was calling her sister at least 4 or 5 times a day to come to the nursing home to help him with this or that. Mom said why doesn't he just buzz for someone. She thinks they will appear like a genie. I told her the homes are understaffed. My daughters are nurses and one worked in hospice care. The staffing problems are getting worse and worse. She thinks I just discourage her from going Into a home because I want her money. In actuality, I could never take care of mom. She is a big woman and I am getting older myself. And she has a personality problem of some sort, no friends, no one who likes her at all.
I guess my question is, does anyone else have a pRent who actually saved money all of their life to go to a nursing home? I have been hearing this since I was in High School and l am 62. Crazy
Oh and by the way she does not have dementia.
Yes I know some of these places are vey nice. I actually live across the street from a very nice home that runs about 80K a year. And about 2 miles in both directions from some that cost probably even more. She lives 4 miles from a very nice assisted living. It is directly across the street from my brother's neighborhood, she refuses to go look at it.
What I think is going on with her is she has been so cheap and so uninvolved in her kids, sisters, and brother's lives that she thinks everyone is like her. That everyone and everything is a burden. It's just me, me, me and she thinks she can pay for someone to wait on her hand and foot. She has no real idea what homes are like since she never visited anyone in one.
Arghhhhh. I am so tired of her pulling the nursing home card all of the time. She is so manipulative. Thanks for letting rant some more. :/
No she doesn't have insurance but she does have almost a million dollars in money and assets. She actually said to me yesterday that she wanted to go into a nursing home so she would not be a burden on her kids "if" the nursing home would take her." I said, ""you are paying out of pocket, you will be first in line". Duh, once more.
I just don't know anyone who talks about this until it is absolutely necessary. I have been hearing about this ever since I was in high school. I got a job after high school and had to pay to live at home. Why? So my parents could save for the freaking nursing home.
She is going to be disappointed if she dies first. Thanks for letting me rant.
Suggest you take her on a tour of a few in the area --AL, Senior apts, and NH. They will give you brochures and she can compare costs of services and get a reality check.
I've done this with my mom. She too is miserly and continues to say she is saving and doesn't need care services. I've taken her several places over the last few hrs to at least plant the seed. She doesn't like the reality check...but I know she at least has awareness now. My mom doesn't have assets that your mom does, but I've educated myself as well on costs and financial supports and options for preparation for mom.
No use fighting this, but you will have to steel yourself and let her talk about it. Visiting options will at least bring you both on the same page.