Mom is being pressured to do a reverse mortgage. How can I stop this agent?

If your Mom is accepting of this "friendship" then it is not illegal for the agent to visit, and likely has a whole circuit she/he covers. If your Mom doesn't NEED a reverse mortgage it would be exceptionally foolish to get one. These high interest "loans" on the house comes with all sort of bad things, including the home and pay off the loan were she to have to enter the home. Try to "use" this in your warnings such as "Gee, Mom, if you ever DID do this, when you left your home, you could not return; it would have to be sold to pay off this high interest loan. You wouldn't have the option of returning".
What you need to do for yourself is educate yourself with the facts.
At the end of that, if your Mom choose to do this it is on her. Not you.
Do arm yourself and her with facts and comments from forums.
My partner's Mom DID a reverse mortgage and it worked very well for her. No family lived near her. She had a paid for home in a "precious" desert community. She did the reverse mortgage so that the monthly check from it, combined with other income and Social security gave her enough to pay caregivers so she could stay in her home until her death. So it was a godsend to her. Her asset going to her care.
But these loans are tricky and some are VERY VERY tricky. My advice to your Mom is to be VERY CAREFUL. The friendship of this woman or man should NOT include trying to sell a product he or she makes money off of. With friends like THAT no one needs an enemy.

Please check if the RM agent in question has any letters after her name. If she does, it is likely that she belongs to a Professional Organization and as such will be bound by their rules of conduct and behaviour. You can make a report to the organization about your concerns and they will investigate it.

It is one thing to be friendly, it is another to apply high pressure sales tactics on vulnerable people.

Kat, some sellers, including of financial products, use different tactics to "soften up" their targets.  Sorry for the blunt language but (a)  that's a term I've heard to describe aggressive and sneaky salespeople, and (b) this is what I see, especially with someone pushing a reverse mortgage to an elderly person. 

First, try to find a substitute for the "friendship", which I suspect will gradually fade and eventually end if your mother were to take out a reverse mortgage.

Secondly, think about how to find other social opportunities, difficult under the circumstances, but worth a try.    If your mother's area has a senior center which is open and requires masking, that's definitely a good possibility.    Since you'll be moving in with Mom, plan your day to include relaxing chats to counteract her loneliness, and if Mom is able to walk, plan local walks in the neighborhood, masked so that you can interact with neighbors.  

Third, I detected a sense of explanation in your thread, as to why an RM isn't needed.   You, nor does anyone else, need to explain to any salesperson why a purchase isn't desirable.   They have no rights to that kind of courtesy.

Fourth, given the pressure some sales agents create, I would be very forthright and blunt, but not explanatory.   A simple advice that your mother doesn't need an RM should suffice.   If it doesn't, you can raise the issue of having to report the agent to the company hawking RMs.  

Fifth, I would spend some time at this site, to acquaint yourself with the Federal government's role in RMs, and if necessary tell the agent that you may have to report her and the company she represents if she continues to raise the issue (i.e., "pressure your mother") of an RM.   You could also mention filing a complaint with the BBB.

https://reverse.mortgage/government-role

If you consider either of these after other options don't work, spend time with Mom when the agent is there and discreetly document the number of times she raises getting an RM.   Or just pretend to be taking notes and document.

If that doesn't work, be aware that (if I understand correctly) counseling from a HUD approved agency is required before executing RM documents.    Go with Mom to that meeting and express your own thoughts so the agent becomes aware of the subtle pressure exerted by the saleswoman.

Sixth, or you can tell her Mom just inherited funds from a relative and has no need of an RM. This salesperson does NOT require nor is she entitled to explanations on your mother's financial decisions.

Remember this always: these are personal financial issues and NO salesperson is entitled to justifications why someone isn't interested.

I think you need to be sure you have specifics on your mom's honest-to-goodness financial situation. Do you know ALL of her income, monthly costs, and debts? There could be other reasons why she wants this reverse mortgage. If she lowered her spending by 90%, how did she do that? Are these budget reductions sustainable? What did she cut, or was she just transferring debt around and chose to view it as a "savings?" I've known many elders who have done this because they are scared or embarrassed and may not even fully understand it all anymore. And, many elders tell one story but it's quite another on paper. One lady I know had a large lien on her house due to ongoing mismanagement. All the while, she continued to spend, spend, spend and act like all was well - and was still propping up her oldest son to the tune of many thousands of dollars because she didn't want to admit she didn't have the money. This lady, just like your mom, likely got manipulated by "nice" people at banks and credit card companies and signed all kinds of things that she was certain would help her (but in the long run did not). We could not stop her since she was competent and still drove. She kept a lot of it to herself and it didn't unravel until her health started to decline. Anyway, I don't think reverse mortgages are always bad, but each and every other alternative MUST be exhausted first. It's supposed to be a last resort. It needs to be clearly understood what the financial problem is, what a reverse mortgage is, and HOW will this solution solve the problem. Often these financial "fixes" don't fix anything because the initial problem was not clearly understood.

If your plan is to move to Nevada , with your Mom, why would she need a RM ?
Could she just sell the house and use that money to help with the move?
And is her mortgage paid off? If not, with the sale of her house, she should come out with some money.

Your profile says Mom has a Dementia. Even in the early stages she should not be making these types of decisions. Do you have POA? If so, you can take over Moms finances if her doctor makes a statement she is no longer competent to make her own decisions.

Even if u don't have POA, I would call the agent explaining you are her daughter and to please stop calling your mother. Tell the agent since Mom suffers from Dementia she is not competent to make financial decisions. If she chooses to continue to call Mom, you will file a complaint. Be nice but firm.

Kat Kat, given what the RM agent is telling your Mom, so misleading, and given your Mom's understanding of it, it is time now to write the company this "person" is involved with and putting them on notice that your Mother is being "befriended" by a woman PUSHING Reverse Mortage to her, and if this continues you will consider this to be elder abuse and you will be requesting an investigation into the company's practices be opened. Then send a letter to the woman. Tell her that if her friendship again descends down the rabbit hole of advising your Mom financially to open a RM, you will file a suit for elder abuse against her and her company. Tell her that her friendship needs to have ZERO advice or mention of financial matter; that those matters are not under the definition of "friendship". Keep a diary of everything that happens. You say you are moving with Mom and will be her POA. It would be a very good thing if you can take this over, keep meticulous records of income and output, and be the lioness at the gate for those attempting to take advantage of your Mom. It is sounding as though your Mom is knowing that handling these financial things now is not going well. I hope she will turn things over to you so that you can protect her. A RM in future may be a good thing to help her remain in her home if that is her wish. Time will tell. Keep your own finances separate from Mom's going forward.

If this RM harrassment continues, please report it to the BBB. With dementia and Alzheimer's, your mother is incomptent. Also, insure no scam activity is happening.

I think the Federal Trade Commission may help here if you need to file a complaint.

"The purpose of the FTC is to enforce the provisions of the Federal Trade Commission Act, which prohibits "unfair or deceptive acts or practices in commerce." The Clayton Antitrust Act (1914) also granted the FTC the authority to act against specific and unfair monopolistic practices"

Once she signs, it will be a legal quagmire bear to undo it. I would move her to your home until you are ready to move to hers. I would talk to the agent's company top management about their agent trying to scam your mom and demand they stay away from her. Call the police as well. FILE A POLICE REPORT. If your mom signs that will help. I'm telling you once she signs it will be very expensive to undo it. Make certain you have POA.
REVERSE MORTGAGE is a mess.

Please have a discussion with this agent. Explain that your mom is not totally mentally competent. Explain that you would prefer her to go through you and not your mother. Explain that if she does not stop calling your mother, you will place a restraining order on her and report her to the BBB.

Make sure you have POA over her health & finances— before your Moms health deteriorates!You will be glad you did down the road!
I certainly am glad I had this done for my sister who has Alzheimer’s!
I am the only family my sister has! I had to give my sisters home back to the bank - she had a reverse mortgage & her hubby had died so I had to take matter into making sure my sister had the care she needed!I had to empty her home & pay her bills that she had not paid for the last 6 months! It has been nine yrs ago ! My sister just turned 76 & is in a nursing home & no longer knows me! She is well taken care of! I’m glad
now that having POA came with no instances!

Dear, KitKat124:
Please take our forum readers' suggested action ASAP with POA, etc. now, before your mother's situation becomes an expensive emergency. Do not fall for and be taken advantage of these apparent scam-type requests. I would like to know how your mother's concerned outcome safely works out, but that sharing is your mother's and your option. Thank you for reaching out to Agingcare for our advice!

Hi, you can go on line to legalzoom.com and print out a POA form then you and your Mom go to her bank fill it out and have it notarized.

I have to agree with Alva, do it thru a lawyer. Just makes it more legal. And you are assured you have covered all bases. I think Alva's cost is a little steep but I haven't been involved with be assigned POA in over 10 yrs.

KitKat, oh my FG! “She sees Tom Selleck on TV and thinks she’s going to meet him” (if she gets a RM).

Please please reread everyone’s posts, make notes as to suggestions and find a elder law atty to update your moms legal and try to get her bank accounts as POD/ TOD to you ASAP.

Listen we get it, all of us have in some way had to deal with a parent who isn’t competent and cognitive. As Alva posted, it sounds like she’s on the cusp of competency. You have to get stuff done while she’s still somewhat able to appear competent and cognitive. If that means she goes to the beauty shoppe on Tuesday and then to attys office on Wednesday between 9-11 as she’s still perky then & looking good, it’s what you gotta do. She need to be able to show some competency.

If she’s been target by grifters once, it’s likely to happen again.

My mom had Lewy Body Dementia and could carry on a reasonable conversation for the 3-10 minutes most folks stop to chat in. She was still good on the ADLs & knew how to coordinate her wardrobe and did weekly beauty shoppe. She had decades of being very social to kick in to autopilot. But if you really talked with her beyond a few minutes, she was in another solar system filled with false beliefs. Thankfully her legal, banking, codicil was all done way way before she moved into a NH. You can’t wait on stuff as the bank will likely want her to sit in a bank officers office on her own to verify that whatever’s being changed is what she wants to do. If you take her to SSA office, they will do this too.

Really for her own safety and security, and your own sanity, get with an atty to review her legal and do whatever fresh needed & soon.

You need communication skills that will get your mother into what is best for both of you. It sounds like in your narative you are appropriate in your goals for yourself and your mother. It she is in the next move...a reverse morgage does not look wise. She will be selling in future and move with you. Or she will be buying. Be present when you meet with this person and remember this person wants to sell your mother and make money off of her. You need first of all to get your mother on the "same page" so to speak as you and be together with a goal that she and you both want. Then the re-verse mortgage person will be out of the plan.

KatKat124: Anyone with dementia should NOT be making these type of decisions. Also, you need to obtain DPoA as soon as is possible.

GET A POWER OF ATTORNEY
ASAP!!!

My brother tried taking my moms house and all her assets without my knowing. Mom doesnt have the education but of a 4th grader, so he took advantage of that. The attorney who signed the POA and the will should be shot.
All has since been rectified and as it should be.

My point is, dont assume your mom will do the right thing. People can coerce her and she will think shes doing the right thing.

Also, if this person is employed by such a bank to whatever, you need to report this person. NOW!

"...keeps telling Mom that there is 0 interest and it will cost her nothing...nothing."

What a scam artist this woman is! It DOES cost, which I'm sure you are aware of. If not, or for others interested, just like ANY mortgage, there are FEES to process the damn loan!

"The origination fee covers a lender's operating expenses associated with originating the reverse mortgage. A lender can charge the greater of $2,500 or 2% of the first $200,000 of your home's value plus 1% of the amount over $200,000. HECM origination fees are capped at $6,000."

Plus, they use a calculator to determine how much of the value you can take - it is NOT guaranteed that you would get the whole current value of the home as factors like age are used.

Even more scary is having someone who is overspending being told by a financial advisor that they may need a RM if they keep this up - for those who don't have help and/or can't curtail their spending (kudos to you for getting mom's habits changed! not easy when dementia is at play.), they could continue spending and waste ALL the funds from the RM!!! The primary reason I can think for considering this (last resort) is to stay in one's own home and have funds to pay for care. Otherwise, RMs are a potentially dangerous beast!

"She sent the RM agent an email and told her mom didn't need a RM ..period. the agent said she would cancel the paperwork that mom keeps putting on hold. I pray this is the end."

Hopefully that quashed this woman's overzealous attempts to coerce your mother into signing for an RM! BUT, I would not just pray - I would follow up on it with the person you contacted, to be sure mom's off the "to do" list. If mom is still living alone in her home, can you set up a camera, to monitor who comes/goes? Sounds like your mother is somewhat gullible and if this person keeps coming around, I would take the next step and threaten legal action.

Hopefully you do have all the POA paperwork done - if so, I would remove all check books and let her have one small limit CC or debit card, if she insists (try to work with her and keep these with you, but she can still use them when you are there.)

"But she sees on TV Tom Selleck selling RM and she thinks if she does a RM she will meet him. SCARY"

On one hand, that is just so cute and sweet. On the other, yes it IS very scary! How many other little old ladies are sucked into that "dream" or any number of others?

As to your other comments:
"...she would be moving for 5yrs."
"Mom is so confused she told me a week ago that she has not talked to her Granddaughter in 4yrs , when she just talked to her a month ago and 4 other times since December."

These are some of the hallmarks of early dementia stages. Losing concept of time, repetition, forgetfulness (more than just where did I leave my damn keys!) I highly recommend learning all you can while you can, esp before this move. There are many sites (alz org or this site among others) that list the stages and the common symptoms. Knowing what you to expect is very beneficial. There are no hard and fast rules about what symptoms and which stages, each person has their own journey, but being aware of what might come along is SO helpful! I was totally unaware of all that goes on, and started learning all I could when mom was similar to your mom now. It did help, but I still had more to learn. For instance, UTIs can cause odd behavior, like sun-downing. In mom's case, she had that once, but now it shows up as night time bed wetting! Any sudden change in demeanor, suspect UTI - easy and cheap to test for and treatment will usually resolve the issues. Also, since she's already having early signs, beware that your move with her can disorient her and possibly cause some additional memory loss (one reason we often recommend a single move to MC AL rather than AL then MC.)

Hopefully the RM lady has exited your mom's orbit, never to return! Best of luck with your move and future care-giving!

Do not be personal with this crazy RM agent. If you are still getting more requests, block the agent's phone number and emails on yours and your Mom's devices. Call the Law Enforcement Officers, or the police. Please do not fall victims. Again, report incidents to the FTC and BBB. Get that POA by tomorrow. One day late may mean one day too late.

I'd suggest you make a call to a local lawyer and ask where you stand legally, if your Mother refuses to dismiss the dishonest agent. What is the appropriate action steps to take
Trust your intuition. Intuition is the voice of life...direct. If you feel the agent is 'too friendly'...she is!
A lot of times "right information, wrong person" is the case. Meaning, your Mum may not listen to you.
However, if you get an outsider, perhaps a loving relative...or even better a female counsellor who preferably has experience with the elderly. Chose a warm person
Hospital systems have social & welfare workers . However, you might check with your medical insurance provider, they will have counsellors on their lists.
Rather a counsellor or therapist than a psychologist or psychiatrist
Then you could express your concerns, your goals for yourself and your Mother, and not least of all..your fears for your mothers safety & well being in every sense..including financially
A counselor could speak with both of you together. Listening is a learned skill. Professional counsellors (a good one) have this down to a fine art.
I would suggest considering a few sessions, and discussing what your Mothers hopes and plans are for the future...and Yours also :)
I admire your Mother's discipline by 'cutting spending by 90%'...wow, impressive.
He forgot to give your Mum clear definable goals. eg..a reasonable budget to clear her debts, save money, and have some quality of life.
So maybe she can have a budget which makes life more fun and enjoyable, while still taking care of her financial stability
Perhaps the counselor could assist in this area also, or recommend you to someone ethical who could
You might consider having your Mother write a 'bucket list' also.
One of my Grandma's favourite wise sayings was

"To be happy we have to have
something to do
something to look forward to
And, someone to love"

My Grandfather resents me "telling him what to do"
However, I keep on loving him (even when i can't stand his annoying attitude :) & doing the things I hope a loved one might do for me when Im elderly...
I found out about a senior center in his area where they have many classes and courses. He started going and it has helped his outlook a Lot.
Not such a 'glum chum' now. Mostly he likes to 'hang out & shoot pool with a guys' there. Wasn't too keen on the classes :) Sounds like back in high school at 84 !
He has something to look forward to
There may be a group in your Mothers area she could join. There are many groups online now while we are on lockdown. Writers groups, groups that watch & discuss old movies, groups that discuss cooking, flower arranging, knitting, all sorts of hobby groups. Im sure with a little research & patience you could find one that would put a smile on your Mothers face.
Lastly, i hope your Mother realizes how really lucky she is to have you looking out for her and loving her.
My apologies this is wordy

Make a written complaint to both your state’s banking governance commission and your state’s council on aging. Do not make the complaint anonymous (you have to provide your name for it to be given the same priority/weight). Be aware that it may take them years to pursue an investigation. Due to their professional obligations and privacy laws, they will not be able to apprise you of the outcome.

Tell your mom that she is being scammed. Don’t be surprised when she expresses hurt, embarrassment and denial. Support her - she feels humiliated.

This woman’s “friendship” with your mom is inappropriate and manipulative. She surely has other victims that might not tell their family what is happening.

Thankfully you know about the situation.

This happened to my grandmother. She had stockbrokers coming to visit her in her home. They told her not to tell anybody. She lost her investment, of course. The statute of limitations on any lawsuit that could be filed had tolled when she finally discussed this with family. They could only be reported after the fact.

As a close person to your mum, you know they need to engage with others, meaning, she is in her right to choose friends of her like. BUT if you report the situation to the company and the authorities, that you welcome the friendship but this must not lead to a financial commitment of any kind, then I think is correct. It is your duty to shield her from scams or abuse. Hope that helps.

I would immediately contact Adult Protective Services and the Office on Aging and alert them and ask for help. Also contact the police and possibly contact an eldercare attorney to step in. This is dangerous....I have seen too much of what can happen in cases like this. Do you have a Power of Attorney - if not, get one at once. Is there a company that this person is affiliated with that you can contact. Also, call your state representative/senator (congressman) as they can help.

Just want to know if this "thief" has yet been reported??

Hi- I am not sure how she is befriending your mom-is she calling? does she drop by?

I would write her an email (and CC her company boss in the email) and make it very clear that at this time your family plans are such and such and your mom is not interested in pursuing talks of reverse mortgage - if at some point in the future a reverse mortgage might be a good option we may contact your agency - thank you very much blah blah blah-and If she has any questions please direct them to your email - This lets her know that you see what's going on without being confrontational - and if she truly wants to be friends with your mom -great- just drop the reverse mortgage discussions----- that's not what friends talk about anyway
She is licensed and therefore must abide by the code of ethics from her board- if she continues to contact your mother after that then you may have to contact her board.

Do not talk to this "agent" anymore. Still sounds like a scam. If still bothering you, call the police and report her phone number, address and the required license number, if available. This all should have been done by now.

KitKat124,

Has advised actions been taken yet? We readers are looking out for your mother and you for all the best!

Is this agent calling? Block the number.

Also, by all means …. step up to the plate and be firm with this person. Tell this lady not to contact your mom any more. Tell her if she does, it is harrassment.

Some people try to take advantage of the most vulnerable. You got to put a stop to it.