I am new here and desperate for help. My Mother is 71yrs old and has lived a very healthy life both physically and mentally. Over the last year my siblings and I noticed some slight memory loss but nothing that stopped her from living a normal life. However about 3-4mos ago she met an online “man” who we all know is a criminal/con-artist on Facebook and has been talking to him frequently over the untraceable app called “WhatsApp”. This stranger claims to be on a ship in Alaska and has managed to have my Mother send him $50,000 by means of giftcards and Bitcoin within a two month period. Once we caught on, we (her children) filed an emergency hearing with the court to retain legal guardianship over her finances. We were granted temporary guardianship (still pending court hearings) so she no longer has access to her money, however, she now despises her children and truly believes she is in love with this criminal whom she has never even laid eyes on. She has become a pathological liar and refuses to cut communications with this criminal as well as refusing to see a doctor. During these past few months since this man entered her life, her memory has declined SIGNIFICANTLY. Ive never seen anything like it. She has been to the walk in clinic to obtain Xanax a few times but will not go to any other doctor. She has started drinking heavily and smoking cigarettes for the first time in her life. She cries and has severe panic attacks one minute, then is in a happy, positive mood the next (we believe these moods are based on when this man calls her and how he treats her). We were able to have the judge order a Psychiatrist come to her to evaluate her last weekend. He spent 2hrs at her home and wrote a very long detailed report stating that she had MAJOR NEURO COGNITIVE DISORDER and strongly agreed that she should not have control over her finances nor many other areas of her life, including her healthcare. Unfortunately, our next hearing with the courts was postponed until mid November (2 months) and we are afraid she will not last this long. The court ordered Psychiatrist suggested she have a brain MRI and start seeing a Psychiatrist on a regular basis. The biggest problem is that my Mother denies having any issues. She says she is in love with this online stranger and that nothing is wrong with her so refuses to see a doctor of any sort. She says her need for Xanax and panic attacks are due to her children taking her to court and having control of her money. She often tells us that she hates us and is planning to move away. She doesn’t realize that she is being conned by this man nor that she has given half her life savings to him. Her friends since childhood have stopped talking to her because she is so irrational. We have tried everything and have had no luck getting rid of this man or getting her the care she needs. We have tried reporting this to the local police, sheriff, FBI and the elderly abuse line but no one can help and at this point she is no longer considered a victim to this man as she willingly accepts his calls and gives him money. When she has even a $20 bill in hand she will rush to buy him a giftcard and send him the numbers over the app they communicate on. She has lost over 20lbs in 4mos and her mental health and memory has declined so badly it’s unreal. I don’t want to Bakeract her just to have her released after 48hrs and hate us even more. PLEASE HELP!
I’d cancel or steal her phone, and get her a flip phone from Walmart.
I'm so sorry that this is happening to you and your mother.
Her computer and phone need to make a disappearing act NOW, immediately, and mom needs medication from a NEUROLOGIST (or a geriatric psychiatrist who IS FAMILIAR with dementia) to help calm down her anxiety & agitation. Which will worsen significantly once she has no means of contacting her 'beloved' con man anymore.
Look into placing mom in a Memory Care ALF if things continue to go south, or in a SNF with Medicaid if she's spent all her finances on the con man.
Very sad situation all the way around. My condolences on all you're going through.
The further along I get on this dang dementia ride, the more I know that my mother’s anger is something I just HAVE to deal with, in order to keep her safe.
Just like a toddler gets angry when someone stops him from running down the road, unfortunately, we end up having to keep our PARENT 🤦🏻♀️ safe.
I hate it, but that’s the way it needs to be. I know that it feels awful. Terrifying. Exasperating.
But, it must be done.
You’ll get there.
We’re pulling for you.
Update us when you can. We learn from each other.
And since that time, a friend of mine's mother changed radically after taking xanax for 6 months - it's highly addictive and can actually bring on anxiety and mood swings after prolonged use - it also impaired her decision making skills.
In your mother's case, perhaps her taking xanax is negatively effecting her behavior. You may want to speak to her psychiatrist and maybe he needs to ween her off that. Aside from that, you've gotten really good advice from others regarding the conman - unfortunately these scammers are very believable - there's tons of articles on the internet on this - if your mother could read some information on this, I hope it would help.
Wishing you all the best of luck in this ~
I do agree with others and maybe a geri psch would be better for her. I wonder if this is Lewy Body dementia.