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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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If your mother wants to leave your sister's house, what's stopping her? Is your sister concerned for her safety or wellbeing if she leaves, and trying to prevent her going?
Your POA does give you implied responsibility for your mother's welfare. Make sure that wherever she wants to move to is suitable for her. And to cover yourself, make sure that she does want to leave for a real reason and won't be just as dissatisfied anywhere else.
She does not want to live with any of her daughters. She was living in assisted living and when I moved my sister made her come live with her. My sister is in charge of my mom's trust and will not allow any money for the assisted living if she leaves. My mom is paying her to live there.
So, does mother want to go back to assisted living? How was she paying for it before? POA does not have authority over where she lives (medical POA does) and if mother is able to manage her own affairs she can make the decision herself.
Is the money Mom is paying for living with Sis enough to pay for assisted living?
Sis made mom come live with her? Is mom competent? Mom makes her own decisions until such a time that she is found incompetent by a court with documentation, usually from two doctors. Is there plenty of money for assisted living? Has she been diagnosed with dementia? Is she paying sis to live with her? Do they have a formal, in writing document, stating what that payment will be and for what services?
Your mother was living in an ALF. What, near your home? And then you moved? And your sister wanted your mother in her home partly to save on expenses and partly so that it was easier for her to watch over your mother?
You have POA - for medical and welfare issues, is that? While your sister handles finances through your mother's trust?
Did your sister also previously pay for the ALF, then? What changed?
I'm sorry to be asking so many questions, just trying to understand what has gone on and where everyone is coming from. People don't usually insist on their reluctant mothers staying in their homes for no reason at all, so it's a bit hard to understand why your sister would want to do that.
When did all this blow up, by the way? Was it all going swimmingly but then they fell out with one another, or what?
Usually the Trustee of a Trust would be the owner of the Trust, such as your Mom, unless she is not able to handle her finances on her own. Is that what is going on?
If Mom is of clear mind and she has a Revocable Trust, she can use whatever money she has in the Trust to pay for her own care. Or is the Trust set up differently, like an Irrevocable Trust? I know these things can get complicated.
I wonder if there was some kind of disagreement between your mom and your sister, this can cause your mom to want to move even if she happens to be paying your sister rent. Being under someone else's roof is very hard because it's their rules. Having your own home means your rules.
For instance, let's say your sister smokes and your mom doesn't and she may have a history of bronchitis from secondhand smoke or any other irritants. There's often conflict between smokers and non-smokers who really want to protect their lungs whereas smokers often don't care and you happen to be living in their home. Has something like this happened? I know if someone smoked around me and I couldn't get a breath of fresh air otherwise and I found myself always standing outside even when I shouldn't be out, you may as well say I'd start walking up the street in search of a non-smoking place. Putting myself in this situation if this happens to be the case, whatever it takes to protect my lungs! Hey, if it violates my body, it's violating not only my rights as a non-smoker, but also my body and my personal space.
Let's say your sister has a rule you're up at five or six but your mom doesn't do mornings but sleeps in. Has something like this happened?
Try to find out why your mom wants to move, maybe something is jeopardizing her health and she needs to get out for those reasons. Have a talk over dinner with just you and your mom alone together and see what's really going on at your sister's house. Spend some quality time with your mom and see if you can encourage her to open up because something maybe going on that's upsetting her or threatening her health or well-being. If there seems to be something going on, believe her and take her seriously. As long as no one has guardianship of her, she can go where she wants, wherever she feels safe and comfortable.
The last thing to look for is to see if your sister or maybe expressing even subtle clues of not wanting your mom in her house. Taking on another person in your home is a big responsibility not everyone would want, but some people will do it anyway just for the money. If your sister is in it just for the money, then her heart is in the wrong place if she happens to be struggling financially and just needed an extra income. Sometimes foster parents will pull this same trick thinking they're only taking kids in for the money. The same exact thing can happen to people who need someone over them, they just do it for the money. In fact, I knew someone who long since died who was only into it for the money because her actions proved it but I didn't know what was really going on at that young age. All I knew was she took people in who needed a place to go and she would get their whole check if she had custody of them or if they were there temporarily. By law though, they had to be given at least a monthly $50 allowance. Is your sister only in it for the money? Try to find out as much as you can and if your sister is just in it for the money, remove your mom and take her somewhere better
Please reach out to the lawyer that created the trust, you local Area Agency on Aging and Adult Protective Services. If your sister is not honoring your mother's wishes, is there a genuine reason? Advocate for your mother, but make sure you have all the facts. I've seen too many families have mom or dad come live with them because they want there to be an inheritance for them in the end, and that's just not right!
I strongly agree with Carolgigi on the inheritance thing, I think this may have very well been the situation between my dad and this stranger who was living with him in his house before he had to go to a nursing home. I think there are certain laws in place to protect rightful heirs according to some changes I saw in Ohio. Living with someone or having them live with you in hopes of inheritance is no way to be because you're just using them, and I strongly agree about it being wrong because it hurts not only the elder but rightful heirs also. People who do this, I don't know how they sleep at night if at all and I hope they don't have a moment's worth of peace doing it. In fact, those who robbed families like this, I hope they don't get a moments peace and their conscience eats away at them and tell they do the right thing.
Talk to your mom. You need to have all the facts. Mother lives with my brother in an apartment. A few years ago, he was going through some serious health issues and was really angry and difficult to deal with. She asked if she could live with me (absolutely not--for a lot of reasons) and I went to brother and we worked it out. She didn't feel "safe" and he wasn't aware how his temper was affecting her. Problem solved. Communication is needed--between everyone. If Mom is competent, she can do what she wants. The POA is really for when she cannot make decisions. Can she still make these decisions? Then allow her the freedom to do so. Without more info none of here can really help you. Good Luck figuring this out and come back and let us know.
I agree with the other posters looking for more information on this situation. Especially as to your mom's disability. Does she have any form of dementia, is she mentally competent, why was she living in an AL? I think that if your mom is mentally competent (not in the early stages of dementia) and she needs care for physical reasons ( not being able to walk, see or the like) then I would agree that you should talk to her, privately, and find out what the 'real' situation is. One thing to be aware of, is that in the early (usually not diagnosed) stage of dementia, people often believe that family members are taking advantage of them, stealing from them etc. They are also very good at hiding their true problems. My mom was very good at this and could fool most of her doctors. It wasn't until we took her to a neurologist specializing in Alz. and other forms of dementia that we got an accurate diagnosis. Most family and friends just didn't see her personality changes. So be aware that this may be happening . Of course, your sister may just want her to stay because of the money. You really need to know what you're dealing with. So, first talk with mom and your sister....I'd do this separately. Then make an appointment with a doctor specializing in dementia or elders (geriantology sp.?) and get an accurate diagnosis of what is going on. Then you'll be better equipped to make any decisions and hopefully, it will be a mutual one where everyone involved is happy. Blessings to you, Lindaz.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Your POA does give you implied responsibility for your mother's welfare. Make sure that wherever she wants to move to is suitable for her. And to cover yourself, make sure that she does want to leave for a real reason and won't be just as dissatisfied anywhere else.
Is the money Mom is paying for living with Sis enough to pay for assisted living?
Who has Mom's medical POA?
Your mother was living in an ALF. What, near your home? And then you moved? And your sister wanted your mother in her home partly to save on expenses and partly so that it was easier for her to watch over your mother?
You have POA - for medical and welfare issues, is that? While your sister handles finances through your mother's trust?
Did your sister also previously pay for the ALF, then? What changed?
I'm sorry to be asking so many questions, just trying to understand what has gone on and where everyone is coming from. People don't usually insist on their reluctant mothers staying in their homes for no reason at all, so it's a bit hard to understand why your sister would want to do that.
When did all this blow up, by the way? Was it all going swimmingly but then they fell out with one another, or what?
If Mom is of clear mind and she has a Revocable Trust, she can use whatever money she has in the Trust to pay for her own care. Or is the Trust set up differently, like an Irrevocable Trust? I know these things can get complicated.
For instance, let's say your sister smokes and your mom doesn't and she may have a history of bronchitis from secondhand smoke or any other irritants. There's often conflict between smokers and non-smokers who really want to protect their lungs whereas smokers often don't care and you happen to be living in their home. Has something like this happened? I know if someone smoked around me and I couldn't get a breath of fresh air otherwise and I found myself always standing outside even when I shouldn't be out, you may as well say I'd start walking up the street in search of a non-smoking place. Putting myself in this situation if this happens to be the case, whatever it takes to protect my lungs! Hey, if it violates my body, it's violating not only my rights as a non-smoker, but also my body and my personal space.
Let's say your sister has a rule you're up at five or six but your mom doesn't do mornings but sleeps in. Has something like this happened?
Try to find out why your mom wants to move, maybe something is jeopardizing her health and she needs to get out for those reasons. Have a talk over dinner with just you and your mom alone together and see what's really going on at your sister's house. Spend some quality time with your mom and see if you can encourage her to open up because something maybe going on that's upsetting her or threatening her health or well-being. If there seems to be something going on, believe her and take her seriously. As long as no one has guardianship of her, she can go where she wants, wherever she feels safe and comfortable.
The last thing to look for is to see if your sister or maybe expressing even subtle clues of not wanting your mom in her house. Taking on another person in your home is a big responsibility not everyone would want, but some people will do it anyway just for the money. If your sister is in it just for the money, then her heart is in the wrong place if she happens to be struggling financially and just needed an extra income. Sometimes foster parents will pull this same trick thinking they're only taking kids in for the money. The same exact thing can happen to people who need someone over them, they just do it for the money. In fact, I knew someone who long since died who was only into it for the money because her actions proved it but I didn't know what was really going on at that young age. All I knew was she took people in who needed a place to go and she would get their whole check if she had custody of them or if they were there temporarily. By law though, they had to be given at least a monthly $50 allowance. Is your sister only in it for the money? Try to find out as much as you can and if your sister is just in it for the money, remove your mom and take her somewhere better
Thanks so much for bringing that up, Carolgigi!
Mother lives with my brother in an apartment. A few years ago, he was going through some serious health issues and was really angry and difficult to deal with. She asked if she could live with me (absolutely not--for a lot of reasons) and I went to brother and we worked it out. She didn't feel "safe" and he wasn't aware how his temper was affecting her. Problem solved.
Communication is needed--between everyone. If Mom is competent, she can do what she wants. The POA is really for when she cannot make decisions. Can she still make these decisions? Then allow her the freedom to do so.
Without more info none of here can really help you. Good Luck figuring this out and come back and let us know.