My mother has been living in a foreclosed property since 2009; the owner had taken about a years worth of rent before she found out. She has not paid rent since 2010. She also has not held a job since my sister was born. My sister is now 13. My mother states that being a full time mom and the president of the PTA hindered her ability to work. She had me when she was relatively young and waited until her mid/late thirties to have my brother and sister. At the age of 9 my mother and father got separated and my father took me and moved 1500 miles away. He never received child support and she rarely sent Christmas gifts/money. She has been calling me nonstop this week because the court has ordered her to pay 2000 to the new owners of the house and to pay 800 every Friday until April. I know she won't be able to make the payments because she doesn't have a job. She orignially asked me for 2000 and I told her I do not have it. Then she asked me for 350 because she came up with the rest. I'm afraid if I give her the 350 she will ask me for money every week until April and I'm also scared that if she doesn't get the money she will be homeless with 2 children. Throughout the years I have given her money 100-200 here and there frequently. She rarely calls me unless she wants to gossip about her family or to ask me for money. She is not any easy pill to swallow. She drinks frequently but does not consider herself and alcoholic and she is unreasonably mean towards her 13 year daughter. The seven year old son has free reign to do as he pleases.
My current situation:
My husband is a wounded veteran medically retired. He has PTSD, severe social anxiety and major depression. He's currently going to school full time and working full time. We are also coping with his mother's end stage colon cancer. We have a 3 year old. I am also a veteran going to school full time and working part time. we live in a two bedroom apartment a state away from my mother.
I am at a complete loss at what to do. Should I put myself in a hole and give her the money? When she ends up homeless am I supposed to take her in? I see people all the time taking in family and I'm just concerned that if they end up on the street in the middle of the winter then I will have no choice but to take them in. & if I take them in i'm going to end up being the primary caretaker for all of them until my mother dies & that scares/depresses me.
Sorry, but reading that the new owner is now charging your Mom rent doesn't make sense. No buyer would purchase a home with someone living in it illegally. In order for the new owners to charge your mother rent, your mother had to sign a lease with them. Just my professional opinion.
This woman made some very bad choices in her life and they belong only to her. Where is the father of the two younger children? He might be an option if she is unable to care for them.
You take care of your family and do not allow Mother to drag you down trying to solve her problems. You have nothing to feel guilty about. It might help you to talk with a counselor in sorting out all the emotions involved in this situation.
If necessary change your telephone numbers. Your own family's future is at stake. Sounds as if you and your husband are working on your educations, I applaud you for that. Keep moving forward and don't look back.
Wishing you all the best!
Sounds mean and cold doesn't it?
But it's realistic. Your mom sounds like never ending trouble on wheels and I would not let that within 500 miles of my home, my children, or my marriage.
The real victims here are the 13 & 7 year old. I don't know how connected you feel to these children or if there is any other family who could take them, but it sounds like your plate is literally overflowing with enough complexity and stress as it is.
Don't answer the phone or the doorbell if it's her. Don't give her money because it's not going to whatever she said it was. It's easy for me to say because I'm not there, but I'd close the cover on that book and leave it alone!
Good luck out there!
This can bleed you dry emotionally and financially. You can put $500 in cash into the toilet, flush it, and be just as well off.
Guilt is a big tool people use to trick people around them to continue enabling. It takes a very strong person to say no and stick to it. If you do provide money, it can't be in cash. I would require that I write the check and mail it/take it to the place that needs the money - e.g. landlord, power company, etc. No cash donations! If it's for groceries, then I'm at the store, paying at the cash register myself. Otherwise, you don't know where your hard earned money is going.
We have a lot of addicts & street people who come into the skyways downtown this time of year begging for money. I have seen several of the frequent ones turn down people who offer to go buy them food at a restaurant or clothes at a store. That tells me they want cash for habits, not help.
Having been in law enforcement for the past 25 years I know in my head how to deal with him. Call social services. However, it breaks my heart to hear this from him
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