Hi all,
My mom is post-stroke, 55 years old. Her right side is weak but she is considerably able (in walking and laying down and getting out of bed, the only problem she really has are sit-to-stands). She is also VERY stubborn and was pre-stroke as well.
She will refuse to go to the bathroom for HOURS and we have to coax her like a child, explaining to her why she needs to go so she doesnt wet herself, but she will very blatantly refuse more than half the time.
Sometimes in which we've physically forced her to go, it will turn out she actually did have to go.
Not really sure what to do about this, there are rarely any reasons she won't go (pain, fear of accidents when she does get up abruptly, etc) because I will ask her if any of these reasons are why she won't go and if she says yes we do not make her.
I am pretty sure it is largely a behavioral issue. Has anyone dealt with anything like this?
Every single bathroom trip is a huge stress and time consumer (convincing, etc) and I wonder if its a selfperpetuating cycle at this point.
You write that she has trouble with sit-to-stands. That might the issue right there. There are what look like stripper poles that can be added to bathrooms - they provide something to hold onto when a person gets up off the toilet.
Or do you have a commode in the bathroom so it's easier for her to use the toilet? Do you have one in the bedroom, or another room close by where she spends most of her time so she can use that for a more urgent need?
Are there grab bars in the bathroom?
Personally, I think the adaptive toilet with either the gull wings or a commode over the toilet are safer than a stand alone commode in another room.
Perhaps you could get her to wear depends in the event there are any accidents.
I've dealt with it, but don't have any good suggestions other than the ones above (unless I think of some later). My mother broke a foot, then her leg, then fell a few more times without breaking anything. But the fear of fracture terrified her and she became afraid to move without my father's assistance for fear of another fracture. Eventually she just was afraid to even walk.
adaptive toilets
commode
If she has good bars and feels safe in the bathroom...that is probably not it. I agree that PT/OT might be helpful. Have you tried different pants/pads etc? Perhaps she is having difficulty getting her drawers up and down and doesn't want to ask for help.
The kids diapers now change color when they are wet. I wish they would do that for adult incontinence products...easy to see that things are going bad before all is lost.
I like the idea of using the timer - and having scheduled pee times. That might help...but it would drive me crazy!
Did you ever think you would be fighting with your mom about toileting?
BTW, don't get the so called Toilet Riser. This thing is basically a huge tall toilet seat. I tried that first and it was a wobbly mess.
If you have EVER dealt with an open sore from urine exposure, you wouldn't care if she liked it or not.
Believe me. "Sorry mom, not your call."