I got a call from one of the nurses that she got angry because she could smell when they were changing her roommate's diaper, so she picked up a deodorant spray and attempted to spray the roommate. in between her legs as they were changing her. She also tried to spill coffee on one of the nurses and went after a CNA for telling me what happened. In her defense, she told me she got angry because she was in the middle of eating and started smelling poop. I don't know why she's behaving like this and what can I do to prevent her from acting out like this in the future?
In a few years you may look back at this incident and find some humor in it but having a roommate is tough
During rehab several years ago, my mom had a roommate who insisted on keeping her commode next to my mom rather than by her own bed - my mom had a broken shoulder and back and needed maximum assistance and couldn't wait to get out of there
Last year she landed in this same facility for rehab following a fall and her roommate liked to spray floral scented air spray while my mom was eating dinner - thankfully they got into a fight and they moved the woman and my mom had the room to herself for the last two weeks she was there
Now in memory care, her roommate is bedridden and oftentimes I have to fetch someone to change her when she smells - luckily no one is eating dinner in the room but still it's not pleasant
There's another resident whose dog often relieves itself indoors and the resident then complains of the smell and it's her dog
Could you picture a child doing the same things your mom did?
We are adults once but children twice
First things first. Breathe, dear, don't forget to breathe! It is not you who did this, and it is not you who is responsible for your mother's behaviour or for keeping her fellow residents safe: that is down to the facility. This is a nightmare, but it is not something you can be blamed for in any way.
It sounds as though your mother's inhibitions have gone the way of all brain cells when dementia attacks them. That doesn't explain why she got angry, but it would explain why she acted so freely on her anger.
Also, I have to say, acted quite reasonably if you look at it purely in terms of what was going on. Stink while your mother was eating. Deal with stink in "usual" way.
Maybe she didn't like the CNA's version of events? (And maybe the CNA would have done better to ask if she could have a private word with you, come to that).
I don't think you can *do* anything about your mother's actions. You're not there to talk her down when things are going awry, and anything you tell her at other times will not register during times of crisis.
But what you can do is talk to the staff and look again at the care plan. You could also ask them to consider the roommate's care plan in conjunction with your mother's and see what can be done to reconcile them.
Does your mother have to eat her meals in the shared room, for example? Is there not a dining room at the facility?
I suppose I'm just inclined to think that although your mother's actions were disproportionate and out of line - and that's because of the dementia - they weren't actually unreasonable.
Granted that there are things she mustn't do, any more than any one else should, it is vital that she doesn't feel you're ganging up against her in an 'et tu Brute' way. Do tell her that she must tell you or the staff if she isn't happy about something, and not take matters into her own hands; but don't blame or criticise her over spilt milk - it won't influence her behaviour, so it won't help with future problems, but it will make her feel got at and isolated.
It's hard for anyone to adjust to the compromises of shared space living. When when you are elderly and vulnerable and perhaps becoming mentally frail too, all the more so. Are you happy with the NH overall? Do you feel they take good care of their residents?
Angel