My Mom's diagnosed with Alz this past November. She is now in an assisted living facility. Both her Nuero-psych and Neurologist said that it isn't safe for her to live alone.
She has it in her head that she wants to move 1,000 miles away. Closer to her Sister's. Who are both in their 70's. My Brother is her POA and my Sister is her Medical POA.
First she said she wanted to buy a 2 bedroom condo. Now she says she wants to move in with her Sister, who is not in good physical health and lives in a small home in the boondocks with 7 little dogs and the house is heated with a wood burning stove.
We told her that we would only be on board with this move if she moved into an assisted living facility with memory care options.
She has refused and is now saying she is calling a lawyer.
Is this something I really need to concerned about? Would a lawyer take this case?
What does your mom think a lawyer can do? In addition, even if your mom did contact an attorney I would think it would become obvious to the lawyer that your mom is not competent. Many people with Alzheimer's can carry on a brief, shallow conversation but scratch the surface and the Alzheimer's becomes evident.
Also, it is common for people with dementia to want to move....somewhere. Anywhere but where they're at and that's not necessarily the assisted living or nursing home but somewhere where they're not vulnerable. Somewhere that will make them happy again. Some place they can decorate and call their own. Somewhere where they're not living with a cruel and progressive disease. Many people with dementia want to go home. It may be the home they grew up in or the home they raised their children in. But "home" is somewhere where they're not old, not sick, and where they have total control over their lives. It's a mythical place.
I should worry about it if it happens. And if it *does* happen, then you need to contact the lawyer and let him/her know in plain terms that your mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease four months ago and her mental competence is in question.
You're in that uncomfortable limbo where you have the dementia diagnosis but not the certified incompetence which would prevent your mother from entering into contracts or instructing an attorney. Actually - you aren't, your brother and sister are. Are they concerned about what your mother's getting up to?
We are in control of her finances. So I don't know how she would pay an attorney.
I don't want to fight with her. I know she is scared and depressed. We want her to be happy... but she also needs to be safe. Which is such a hard balance!
It doesn't help that her Sister is on the phone with her ....constantly filling her head with conspiracy theories. Saying awful things about my siblings and I.
"Auntie, we each visit Mom twice a week, and we are trying to come up with some card games or board games she might like. So far she likes Hooks and Ladders. Do you remember anything else she liked as a child?"
Naturally you are not going to ask for her opinion on where Mom should live, but perhaps keeping in touch with her would help her relax a bit.
I suspect she's calling attorney to see what her "rights are". So she has Alzheimers -- I would suggest that one of you speak with the doctor and discuss her behaviors, observations, concerns -- and get him to write you whatever letter you need so POA can make living arrangement decisions on her behalf.
ALZ doesn't get better -- so moving far away with sister or wherever probably isn't advisable and your aunt should be advised of the situation and what she might be in for -- and try to discourage mom from moving.
Maybe try to have rational discussion at a good time with mom and encourage her to go for a visit first and look around and "hey mom, if you like it, Brother Bill and I will help get you moved there and settled" -- that might satisfy her in the short term and in the meantime you just go on knowing she will be where she is and you take charge.
First consult with her lawyer and let him know whats up plus arm him with mom's medical record with ALZ diagnosis and incompetency so he knows he can't legally change any of her current records based on her demands. And maybe he can advise her to "not move at this time"; yada yada.
Good luck.
Both medical and financial. We received all the paperwork we needed to execute the POA