Hello all! Hoping for some advice on a specific situation. My mother-in-law with dementia, mid stages, has forgotten that she sold her house three years ago and relocated from a different state to be close to her son after his sister, who she lived with, passed away unexpectedly. Now that her dementia is worsening, she doesn’t remember the entire 3 year period living in an apartment near us. She was doing well on her own until early this year when she caught pneumonia and then 2 months later had a fall and fractured her back. She moved to AL in May. These events, and the associated medications, appear to have escalated her vascular dementia symptoms.
She thinks that just a few weeks ago, my husband and I sold her house without her permission. For the last three weeks, this has been the only thing that she will talk about with us, whether on the phone with multiple calls each day or when we visit. No attempt at redirection or distraction is possible, it’s like she doesn’t even hear us. She continuously threatens to call the police on us and says she looks forward to the day we are led away in handcuffs for stealing her house. She has even called her grandsons and told them to call the police on us because we stole her house and her money. We had her checked for a UTI (negative) and had bloodwork done which showed nothing unusual.
i know that accusations are very common, but is this going to go on forever? I hate that we have no relationship with her at this moment in time. I know there’s no use in showing her the paperwork, but I’m hoping maybe someone has a suggestion for getting her out of this loop? We will try anything!
The only upside(if you want to call it that)is that your MIL has vascular dementia which is the most aggressive of all the dementias with a life expectancy of just 5 years, so she will progress downward more quickly than most of the other dementias.
Until this "loop"(paranoia phase) passes(and it will) I would just reassure her that you love her very much and when she starts either on the phone or in person accusing you just tell her you love her and either hang up or walk away, as this too shall pass.
Again....dementia sucks.
It's very sad for all of you. However, don't let the threats frighten you. This behavior is all part of the progression of the dementia. She is looping and unfortunately, it's not much you can do. Maybe, medications for agitation may work for awhile.
I had a client who threatened to call the police on me all of the time. One time I was doing her laundry, and she threatened to call the police on me. She had been aggitated all that day from being up all night and had little to no sleep. Are you ready for this one? I was accused of stealing can milk and trash bags which were kept in the basement. LOL
It may seem like senseless and infuriating nonsense, but to someone with dementia, it is their reality. You can try redirecting; maybe offering a trip to the bathroom, a snack or turn on some nice calming music.
If I know my client very well, I would just ignore the threats and go ahead with the care plan, report the behavior to my supervisor, finish my shift and leave.
Sometimes, it's sundowning behavior.
I can't tell you how long this behavior will last, but if you can't break the loop at that moment, walk away and get to a quiet area for your own sanity.
You are doing the best that you can with this situation, and don't let it disregulate your nervous system.
As others suggested, if she isn't on medication for agitation and anxiety, please talk to her doctor. If she is on something it needs to be reviewed. When she starts talking about the house you can't convince her to be prepared to distract or redirect her. If all else fails, tell her, "I'm sorry Mom, we'll come back when you're not upset" and then walk out.
FYI the cops have heard it all and wouldn't take it seriously. It's not the kind of crime you report to the police, anyway.