Sandy67 Asked June 2014
If your Mom's Geriatrics Dr. tells you that this 87 yr.old woman is fit as a fiddle mentally and you know that is not correct who do you see?
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I am a caregiver for my boyfriends 87 yr. old mother who I feel has dementia or Alzheimer's. I have taken her to the Geriatrics Dr. and she says to me she is fit as a fiddle and I was like REALLY!!!!! Merle used to be a nurse asst. so she likes to get that Dr./Nurse level. She has a very nasty mouth to me, lies, calls me names, when I bring it to her sons attn. she lies to him and says I never said or did those kind of things. Which in turn he thinks I am lying. I feel like I am fricking loosing my mind. So what kind of Dr. do I take her to now? Neurologist?
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Don't discuss her memory losses in front of her, she will become very hostile. She is obviously "showtiming" for the son and the MD. It took me a long, long time to make the son see the decline; he was in denial.
I suppose it is possible that Merle really is mentally fit and she simply hates you. She is being mean to you because she wants to, and then she lies about it so as not to ruin her reputation. That seems unlikely to me, but it is possible. If your BF thinks you are lying to him, I'm not very optimistic about your relationship.
How about this? Get a different job. Perhaps even get a caregiving job, but not for a relative. Let BF arrange other care for his mother, or do it himself. Whether she has dementia as yet not diagnosed or she just plain hates you, you are not the right person to care for her.
But the geriatrics doctor was dead wrong, and our primary physician and neurologist were both right!
So when a geriatrician says a patient is Simply Marvellous Darling you perhaps have to bear in mind what baseline comparison he/she is using. Maybe it's that compared to some of the complete hopeless wrecks parading through his office your parent is a wonder.
PamS is right on the money. B/f takes his mother back to the geriatrician, closes his mouth, and pays attention to his mother's unprompted answers. I will assume that the driving suggestion was just an evil sense of humour creeping in… But up to you.
Even if she is not a currently active alcoholic, but has not done the work (12 steps, etc) she may have the same "dry alcoholic" behavior.
If it's not that, then perhaps she is just a beatch.
She's your boyfriend's mother, not even your mother in law. I say get out of this situation while the getting is good! Either he needs to get his mother in a place where she's cared for if needed or in her own apartment. If she's broke, there are HUD apartments for the elderly. If not, you can still rethink what you're doing there.
If you are reasonably certain that she is suffering from dementia, it is important that you keep that in mind when she is being insulting or disagreeable: try not to allow hostility to creep in to your feelings towards her, because that's no basis for your continuing to be her caregiver. In fact it might be better if you thought about finding work outside the home and, with your boyfriend, making alternative arrangements for his mother's care. Apart from anything else, if she's equally unpleasant and doolally around an HCA or similar, then that will be another clue that you can point out to b/f.
I think we can safely leave you to look after your own moral welfare. Not that it isn't important, of course.
Now back to your question..... I think seeing a neurologist is a great idea.... Let your bf know you would like him to come along.. You're not alone with this issue many of us on here deal with this daily...Hugs..You're doing great..