We noticed 85 year old MIL started to forget some people’s names: one of the grandchildren, one of her nephews, one of her son in law. She knows they exist but can’t recall their names.
Recently she confuses her sister’s name with her daughters’ names. Btw all these names are very different, they don’t sound similar at all.
Sometimes when she talks about her family she would refer to her adult children as her brothers and sisters instead of sons and daughters.
She’s been losing lots of her vocabularies and speaks in mostly pronouns. But forgetting or confusing names of immediate family members is a new one. Does it mean it’s a new development or is it part of the natural progression of cognitive decline?
Do not tell MIL what you are doing. They will come in and talk to her and figure out pretty closely what her needs are. You can always say that you are interviewing new doctors and this is one that wants to come out and talk to her.
What kind of insurance does she have? Medicare Advantage plan will tell you who you can see, standard Medicare with a supplemental she can see any doctor that accepts Medicare. Hope that helps narrow down the search criteria.
When she's not sundowning, new information is quickly forgotten. Old info is stored in her brain pretty good, but new stuff, forget it. I have to write everything down for her whether it be on a calendar or on a piece of paper. She will literally ask a question to something new a dozen times in 15 minutes. She gets mad because she can't remember not remembering the answer to the question and thinks she's only asked it once and that we are treating her like she's "a nut". Trying to explain anything, at least to her, just makes her angry (which I understand can be a part of dementia as well).
It can't hurt to get your Mom to a GP or neurologist just to get things checked out. Not sure what can be done; my Mom is on medication for memory and anxiety, but nothing is helping her at all.
Good luck. :)
another thing about the so-called Independent Living, most of the residents actually cannot live independently anymore, they have either physical or mental decline, basically they are pre-AL. When you get a bunch of them together they all think they are aging normally. That makes them feel better about themselves, which is good. But on the flip side she’s not aware of her own decline as much as we are aware of it.
Sometimes it's difficult or takes a minute for her to remember which grandchildren belong to which child.
There have been times when she approaches random people and strike up familiar -- to her -- conversations. I just say something like to the stranger, "You really look like Mother's long time friend (name)." Most people are understanding and even give her a moment of their time.
All this isn't so frequent this far with Mother, but it makes me sad that there may come a day when she might not know me. I don't want her to be afraid. I am...
You don't say what state she is in, but I have learned from this forum that it varies widely state by state what a facility provides, regardless of what it is called.
It is good to know that she has made some friends at her new place, maybe a caregiver for a bit each day would prolong her being able to live independently.
I do recommend a needs assessment, it will help you understand where she is living in her disease and help you make future decisions.
Any new symptoms should always be noted and get the senior checked for a UTI, it plays havoc with them in many new behaviors and the appearance of a sudden mental decline.
she is unable to fill in her health questionnaires when she’s supposed to see a new doctor at her facility. she told us it is too much hassles, 50 pages of form to do just to see a doctor so she skipped her appointment. She tends to exaggerate it was probably a few pages but not 50.
I embellish her alleged employment by bringing her little treats, new clothes...
"Pat, I cashed your paycheck." It's a win-win for both of us.
I just politely correct them by "introducing" the to the person, such as, "isn't it nice that we are having lunch with Judy today?" - or whatever applies - as I point to Judy.
Finding the correct word as you age is common and more so with dementia. My mom is quite with it in regard to memory (at nearly 96) but often gets stalled looking for a word. We are a family of talkers so I try to remind the others to give her a little time to get it out and only offer suggested words when she's had a moment to think about it. Also, because she's putting her thoughts together a little slower than the others, they can overlook that she is not participating or don't allow her to interject. If you see that happening, stop the others and say - Mom is trying to tell you something.
It really becomes about them feeling happy in the moment and enjoying the visit of whomever the person visiting is.
Can I recommend that you get a needs assessment done. This will help you find the best type of facility to meet her needs. If you choose a continuing care facility they will keep her where her needs are best met. They will step up the care as required.
Independent living to MC is a huge leap in care and it doesn't seem to me that someone living alone would qualify for MC. Just my opinion.
since she is cognitively impaired ( not just memory issue but executive function, comprehension, reasoning, planning ) I wonder if she can even get into a CCRC. Our aunt is in a CCRC, she had to pass both physical and mental tests before they would admit her and it is super expensive.
They also come in to clean every 2 weeks. She complains about it. she does not want them to come and she said they insisted on doing it. I think it’s good that they are able to check the residents living situation this way in case things start to get weird.
we don’t live in the same state. One of the SIL’s lives near MIL but is “too busy” to visit her own mother. We gave up on relying on her anyways.
we do need to look into memory care. Hopefully she can stay where she is for a while but there’s to telling how long.
Throughout my entire family, it is quite common, and has been so for as long as I can remember. My mother used to tell us children to “wear your name tag!”, as she went through the names of all five of her children, boys and girls! We have seen this oddity in all the generations and feel that it is a genetic trait. We all, eventually, get the name straight, including my 88 year old mother, but it takes us a while to get there. I had thought everyone mixes up names, until my daughter married and told me that “no, it’s just us”, because her in-laws don’t do this.
I have been reading up on dementia and it seems there is no way to predict how many more years until she has to go into MC and how many years she will be in MC. Physically she’s healthy for now. But we don’t know how long that’s gonna last either.
My father had vascular dementia. Eventually, he did not know who I was. When I visited him in the nursing home one time, he looked at me and said, "Who are you?" I said, "I'm your daughter." He said, "Is that good?"
I'd probably answer it differently every time I visited--sometimes with humor, sometimes with sadness, sometimes with spiritual introspection.
FWIW here is a funny case in which something like this happened to someone who didn't have dementia. I knew a family in which a couple grown sons resembled each other very closely although not twins. One day, the mother noticed one of them standing nearby, and said "John..or Hank... or whoever you are, will you please get me the [whatever the object was]?" We all had a good chuckle.
Yet she was able to travel abroad on her own, handle her finances, serve on committees, etc. Memory is a mysterious thing...
Terrible disease, this dementia & cognitive decline, isn't it? :(
it is a terrible disease. The funny thing is we worry about it much more than she does. She doesn’t seem concerned. From what I’ve read in the forum it’s very common I guess.