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We noticed 85 year old MIL started to forget some people’s names: one of the grandchildren, one of her nephews, one of her son in law. She knows they exist but can’t recall their names.


Recently she confuses her sister’s name with her daughters’ names. Btw all these names are very different, they don’t sound similar at all.


Sometimes when she talks about her family she would refer to her adult children as her brothers and sisters instead of sons and daughters.


She’s been losing lots of her vocabularies and speaks in mostly pronouns. But forgetting or confusing names of immediate family members is a new one. Does it mean it’s a new development or is it part of the natural progression of cognitive decline?

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Forgetting and mixing up names is very much a natural progression of dementia. I remember my grandmother in later stages of dementia assuming I was her daughter if I was wearing a skirt but I was her son of I wore pants. Instead of correct names for days of the week she might say, "Today is yellow.". In its way, it was poetic. I always conversed with her in whatever was her reality at the moment and to this day am left with a memory of a certain beauty in "flexible perceptions." Relax your expectations that your LO will stay within the old reality. Keep her safe and look for the poetry.
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Davenport Feb 2020
It IS poetic, RedVanAnnie--I LOVE that! My mom and her children are lucky that she has not been an 'angry' person [so far/yet], I recognize that MANY of us have angry, even mean elders, parents, what-have-you. I know for a fact I wouldn't consider 'it' one bit poetic in that circumstance.
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On the other hand,my grandmother, who had no other signs of cognitive impairment, used to just run through the list of her children's and grandchildren's names until she hit the right one.

Yet she was able to travel abroad on her own, handle her finances, serve on committees, etc. Memory is a mysterious thing...
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Ludmila Feb 2020
Wow! That’s incredible!
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Based on my personal experience, now is the time to begin preparations for preparing to qualifying for medicaid if it will be needed in the future. Get ahead of the 5 year look-back. So sorry that anyone has to help manage this disease. It can be very difficult at times.
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Ludmila Feb 2020
yes we should start looking into memory care. It is expensive. She has some savings and it will probably only last a couple of years in memory care. She is in independent living now.

I have been reading up on dementia and it seems there is no way to predict how many more years until she has to go into MC and how many years she will be in MC. Physically she’s healthy for now. But we don’t know how long that’s gonna last either.
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It's a natural progression of dementia & cognitive decline, unfortunately. My mother introduces me as her mother, and has been doing so for a few years now. She also introduces my husband as her husband. She was diagnosed in 2016 with unspecified dementia. Nowadays, she cannot remember names AT ALL; it's the worst of her memory deficiencies, it seems to me. That and what day of the week it is.

Terrible disease, this dementia & cognitive decline, isn't it? :(
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Ludmila Feb 2020
We’ve only become aware of MIL’s issues after FIL passed away recently. Every time she exhibits a new memory issue we worry. We don’t know what her future will be like, e.g. what if or how soon she’ll need to move into a memory care facility.

it is a terrible disease. The funny thing is we worry about it much more than she does. She doesn’t seem concerned. From what I’ve read in the forum it’s very common I guess.
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Ludmila, you stated she is in independent living. If she is becoming this mixed up I'm hoping someone has been checking on her at her apartment to see if there's signs of decline there, like food molding in fridge, paperwork in disarray, not tidy, etc. We discovered my MIL's short-term memory was very bad when we went to her home and opened the fridge and there was all the food we were providing her, rotting. She was forgetting to eat, and thinking she had eaten. Even when I called her on the phone and asked her to tell me specifically what she ate, she'd give me an answer. But later that day I'd go visit and look in her fridge, garbage and sink -- no signs of eating anything. So, hopefully someone has durable PoA for her and can make sure all her legal and medical ducks are in a row. FYI yes MC is expensive but get her into a nice, local place on private pay now (and make sure they accept Medicaid). Once she runs out of money she will have priority for a Medicaid bed. I wish you peace as you help her on this journey!
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Ludmila Feb 2020
Thanks! MIL‘s place provides 3 meals per day. she has made a couple of friends. everyday they knock on each other’s door to go to the dining room together. it is so much better than living alone. At least we don’t have to worry about her becoming malnutritioned.

They also come in to clean every 2 weeks. She complains about it. she does not want them to come and she said they insisted on doing it. I think it’s good that they are able to check the residents living situation this way in case things start to get weird.

we don’t live in the same state. One of the SIL’s lives near MIL but is “too busy” to visit her own mother. We gave up on relying on her anyways.

we do need to look into memory care. Hopefully she can stay where she is for a while but there’s to telling how long.
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My husband does not know names of most family members or their relationship to us, I just say "that's ok" if that seems to upset him. With this disease, keeping them calm and reassuring them it and they are ok, is best. Many times he thinks it is the first time he met them. But that's ok.
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Davenport Feb 2020
I love your attitude, Marylepete. You're an angel.
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It's is common to get names confused. Think about it, the family expands and it can be confusing when trying to recall. There were 5 kids in my family and it was common, even when mom was young, to start at the top and work her way down to the right kid's name! With dementia issues it is also common to use the wrong names or confuse people - the last part to go is memories from long ago. Seeing a grandson in current time may have a very familiar face to the brother she remembers as a kid. So it could be she is seeing her brother.

Finding the correct word as you age is common and more so with dementia. My mom is quite with it in regard to memory (at nearly 96) but often gets stalled looking for a word. We are a family of talkers so I try to remind the others to give her a little time to get it out and only offer suggested words when she's had a moment to think about it. Also, because she's putting her thoughts together a little slower than the others, they can overlook that she is not participating or don't allow her to interject. If you see that happening, stop the others and say - Mom is trying to tell you something.
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Davenport Feb 2020
I'm 65, and my whole life I've been 'bad' with names. I really feel bad for elders with 12 grandkids ... not to mention great-grandchildren.
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This is a normal part of the disease progression with dementia and other forms of cognitive decline. After a while, they won't recognize anyone.

I just politely correct them by "introducing" the to the person, such as, "isn't it nice that we are having lunch with Judy today?" - or whatever applies - as I point to Judy.
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Dementia brings lots of losses. My sister, 4 years older than me(DPOA), tells me she loves "working" at her Care Home. Since I completely support the job concept,
I embellish her alleged employment by bringing her little treats, new clothes...
"Pat, I cashed your paycheck." It's a win-win for both of us.
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Davenport Feb 2020
You are an angel!
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I'm noticing this with my 95 y/o mother, who is mixing up generations of people she has known her whole life. However, it might be more a matter of remembering which name goes to which person than actually forgetting who they are (they live in another state so we can't test this hypothesis).

FWIW here is a funny case in which something like this happened to someone who didn't have dementia. I knew a family in which a couple grown sons resembled each other very closely although not twins. One day, the mother noticed one of them standing nearby, and said "John..or Hank... or whoever you are, will you please get me the [whatever the object was]?" We all had a good chuckle.
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Davenport Feb 2020
We must not lose our sense of humor. Everyone is entitled to be happy and laugh and ALSO hold sadness in our lives. So many of 'us' lose our joie d'vie and ability to smile or laugh--and THAT is a tragedy.
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