MIL had to be moved out of her house out in the country to a house that we bought in town. We built on a handicapped accessible apartment for her so she has her space but is close to our son/dil/grandkids until we are able to move back. We are currently living in Norway with my husband working for NATO. She got diarrhea about a year ago and I took her to a GI doctor who told her she had to have a colonoscopy to figure out what's going on. She refused. He said he can't help her then. She said fine. She hates doctors and believes that they kill people. She is over weight, slow moving and falls quite a bit. When she needs to go, she just goes where she is. In the grocery store as she's walking around, in the car on the drive home. She's pooped all over our sidewalks. Doesn't care. We refuse to take her anywhere now and she's mad. Her keys were taken away from her last year. We told her if she wants to go to the grocery store instead of someone picking up her groceries, she needs to fix this. She said she's lost 75 lbs since it started so she has no desire to have it stopped. We have someone come in and clean for her twice a week (really needs to be everyday but can't find anyone to come for an hour everyday just to clean up poop) and on Tuesday last week they found her laying flat on the floor. She slipped in poop, her feet went flying up and she slammed her back into the floor and couldn't get up. She has a life alert but doesn't like wearing it so no one knew. She also doesn't like to take showers. She is being FORCED to shower twice a week because the smell is horrific and she's very upset about it. I'm at my wits end. She was in a hursing home for a week after a surgery for an impacted intestine and we really hoped it would fix the problem but it hasn't. After the surgery, her apartment wasn't quite ready so she was in a nursing home for about a week. The nursing home said she does not "need" to be there so she had to pay out of pocket. I'm at a loss. If someone goes to her house, sees poop everywhere, smells how bad she is, I'm afraid social services (or whoever does that) might show up and accuse the kids staying with her of elder abuse. She thinks they meddle too much (taking out the trash, trying to clean up the messes) so she locks her doors and will not let them in. They pick up the meals on wheels for her everyday and she won't even let them in to deliver it. Has anyone had something similar to this happen? If so, how did you take care of it? Oh ... she REFUSES to wear diapers because she's not a baby (even though she acts like one)
Have you ever heard of stories where people are classified as adult babies? It makes you want to knock it out of them and I don't blame you! In fact, there's one man on YouTube who is on federal benefits and fraudulently taking money when he could be working. He's able bodied and build his own adult baby furniture and I hope someone cuts him off and forces him out the door and into the workforce. If he likes carpentry, he can just get out and make money in carpentry. Yes, someone who's an adult baby definitely has obvious mental problems and it sounds like this particular person probably needs to be locked up because there are places for people with these kinds of problems. It's not right that someone who could contribute to society would rather act like a baby and I don't blame anyone who would even go as far as physically knocking it out of them because in some cases, that's what's needed. They need to grow up and be the adults they're meant to be and curb this type of behavior
classic with older woho i.e. took castor oil every evening.
she may have IBS. there are diff. types.
make sure she is consuming adequate foods.
Now. You already have a DX of Dementia. The unsanitary poop filled hous etc what you have said are self care sdefecits. slipping in poop isendangerment. shower poop off clean house. barracading herself in. refusal of meals. safe enviroment are endangerment of self or others having to walk in poop cleaning is dangerous to walk breathe last weeks poop. People have actually died from breathing gas off poop.
she is.a danger to herself and others. I would get all legal done. give her option . guardianship for her when you get bacjk. even though this may have relation to moving . All this puts her at risk and shows her dementia. Which from.ehat you say ais more rhan a little with the.poop involvement issue. Unsanitary conditions, that are a danger to her health and othersis a cause for guardianshipset up v
create a safe envirfusal of meals
I had to point out to my, when she developed breast cancer in 1988, that what she "knew" about breast cancer treatment was based on knowledge from her time as a medical secretary at Sloan Kettering in the 1940s. There had been some developments in medicine in the ensuing 40 years. At one point i said to her, with regard to the REALLY bad decisions she was making about her treatment, "Mom, you're too smart to do something this stupid".
It took a couple of days, but she decided to let go of her fear-based, illogical treatment decision.
But a year BEFORE the stroke, the geriatric psychiatrist who was managing her extreme anxity the primary reason that she was unable to continue to live at home) recommended that she have a neuropsych exam. She was diagnosed with Mild Cognitive Impairment, which apparently was the result of a prior, undiagnosed stroke. My mom can't REASON her way out of a paperbag; she things any man walking down the hallway of her NH means that the facility has been sold, that there are floods in the basement all the time ( the facility has no basement) and most recently, that she has "something like leprosy" that we're not telling her about. So yes, superficially, she's competent. Is she able to make decisions about her own health, where she lives, what she needs? No. I think the same is true of your MiL.
That being said, it sounds as though there is a long standing pattern of not trusting doctors ( no prenatal care? My, my, that's a bit extreme, no?). I'm not so concerned that she may be dying. I'm worried about the effects of her problem on the heath of those around her. The fact that she doesn't "get" that seems to be evidence of dementia, and that she needs a different living environment.
My BIL has a Medical POA for her but he has basically just thrown his hands up and walked away.
When we were there in May, we took her to a Neurologist because she wanted her license back. He asked her all sorts of questions, what day is it, what year, who's president, etc. She answered every single one of them correctly. She appears to be in her right mind about everything except the diarrhea. The doctor did not give her the license back and she insisted that I paid him off to take her car from her. The doc told her that while she has all the right answers, she would have to think about them, and if a child ran in front of the car, it would take her to long to process that and she would run over them before thinking about stopping.
My Mom (with developing dementia at the time) would fight me and say things like, "You're not in charge of me" or "You can't make me." When she "assigned" me as Health Care Proxy, that was my "in". When you take your Mom into her doctor's appt, have the girls at the front desk give you a HIPPA release form and have the DOCTOR explain what it is and have her sign it IN FRONT of the doctor to give you, your husband or whoever will be "watching over" your MIL authority while you live abroad. Have the doctor explain to your MIL that if she doesn't have a health care proxy form filled out AND a HIPPA release form, they SOMEONE ELSE will decide what's best for her health in our healthcare system. Your MIL is being obstinate and unreasonable regarding her health, which I'm sure involves some sort of dementia. Denial and acting in an unsafe manner (pooping all over the place and not caring) are classic signs.
I don't want to sound mean, but tough love is what's needed here. Unfortunately, you have limited time here in the States. I don't know if anything is really possible in 30 short days. Is it possible that you OR your husband can stay longer? The wheels of healthcare in the U.S. move very slow. Again, a health care proxy is needed naming YOU and your HUSBAND and then alternates to oversee your MIL's healthcare decisions.
To those who will say, when the Health Care Proxy doesn't kick in unless she's unable to make decisions for herself. Well, guess what? She IS unable to make decisions for herself. Any health care worker worth his/her salt will figure that out. I don't know of any doctor who will not consult with the children of an elderly parent when the children are concerned about their parent's mental capacity in making appropriate medical decisions. Until the HIPPA is signed by your MIL, a doctor may not discuss their health info with the children but that doesn't preclude YOU from telling your side of the story to the doctor. Then, the doctor can discuss the situation with his patient (i.e. pooping all over herself anytime, anywhere). Under no circumstances should your MIL go into the exam room alone -- either you or your husband (and I would recommend you as a woman) accompany her into the exam room. Again, as others have said, have a conversation with the doctor beforehand addressing ALL your concerns about MIL. Then she (the doctor) can go over these issues with her.
You and your hubby are between a rock and a hard place being so far away from this living situation. I really feel for you but you may have to "threaten" your MIL that if she continues to make bad decisions, then she can no longer live in the apartment you set up for her. Tell her she is just "not allowed" to poop all over the place. Tell her that if APS is called again while you are not available (living overseas), she may not have a choice and OTHERS (non family members) will be making the healthcare decisions for her. "Do you WANT that, Mom?"
I'm sure she's in denial and scared. Most elderly are when they get to this point in their lives when things are getting beyond their control. No one wants to lose their independence. But when push comes to shove, SOMEONE has to step up and force the issue. The alternative is to do nothing and let her lie in her own feces. I can't believe APS is not doing something to get this poor woman help.
My prayers are with you Royneberg. Please keep us informed. We care.