I asked my mother, in a polite way, why she kept slamming a certain door shut everyday, (which would annoy anyone), and she just kicked off with me for even asking why. I even apologised when she explained why and she still hated me (the reason was because the door wont shut properly), although she could still have shut it quieter rather than angrily slamming it shut. I think she just didnt like being called out on needless aggressive annoying selfish behaviour. In my opinion the door was only slammed out of frustration. I wish she would just act like a normal human. Also if my brother had brought up the same issue im sure her response would have been a lot kinder than she was with me, her daughter as usual.
If so, and the living situation has become ugly, how can you change it? Perhaps mom can go stay with her son instead. The primary caregiver always seems to bear the brunt of the wrath these elders spew when they're upset. My mother treated me like dirt and her carers in Memory Care Assisted Living like sainted angels, even blowing them kisses. 🙄
With dementia at play, they lose empathy and the ability to realize they're making a racket or annoying others with their behaviors, nor do they care. It just adds to the challenge of daily care thats involved.
I suggest you read this 33 of booklet online about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it.
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia. The reviews for her books are phenomenal b/c they are written in plain English & very easy to read/understand. Her writings have been VERY helpful for me.
The full copy of her book is available here:
https://www.amazon.com/Thoughtful-Dementia-Care-Understanding-Experience/dp/B09WN439CC/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2E7WWE9X5UFXR&keywords=jennifer+ghent+fuller+books&qid=1657468364&sprefix=jennifer+ghent%2Caps%2C631&sr=8-2
Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation
My mom treated my brothers better too. It hurts.
I am sure that you realize that you aren’t able to reason with her.
Take breaks when you are able to. Do you have any outside help for you to leave the house for a change in scenery?
In your profile you state that mom has Alzheimer's dementia.
If this is the case trying to correct a "selfish annoying behavior" is like trying to put toothpaste back into the tube. It is not going to happen.
If there is actually a problem with the door the easiest thing to do would be to fix the problem.
You also mention that mom is 61. Pretty young but still old enough that you are probably a Young Adult (adult being the operative word here). If that is the case you might want to look into moving out if you are still living in your parents house. If you are not able to move out then you need to deal with the problems that will arise caring for someone with dementia.
The slamming of a door will be the least of your problems and frustrations in the months and years to come.
Learn to ignore it. Asking your mom to quietly shut the door is obviously not helping.