My mother is 88 and has difficulty walking and getting up out of her chair. She began wearing adult diapers about two years ago, because she couldn't get to the bathroom in time when she needed to go. Now she relies completely on the diapers but will sit in a dirty diaper all day, rather than cleaning herself up and changing into a clean diaper. I don't know if she has reached a point where she can't anticipate when she needs to go nor whether she realizes when she's urinated or had a BM in her diaper. She wants to live independently and has a woman who comes 3 hours a day to cook and clean for her, and has another aide who helps bathe her. My siblings and I can't convince her to change her diaper more frequently. We're shocked that she seems fine sitting in a wet diaper or in her own feces. We know it's hard for her to get up (she has a power chair and a walker) but she will go to the kitchen when she's hungry and she does get up when my brother brings her grandchildren over for a visit. So we know she can do it, she just doesn't seem to care about getting a clean diaper.
Is there dementia? She may not realize that she needs changing.
Maybe a discussion with a visiting Nurse can be helpful to see if she’s a candidate for Bowel and bladder training .Also consult your do doctor to understand why this is happening
Best to you
Best wishes in finding the best solution for your mother.
Also, one thing I should have mentioned in my first reply is that your mother should have a medical exam ASAP and she should be accompanied at that exam by at least one of her children. Urinary and/or fecal incontinence often cause urinary tract infections (UTIs), which can, in turn, cause dementia-like symptoms and a downward spiral. If you think your mother will not be comfortable with any of you in attendance and/or will not likely be honest with her doctor, then prior to her appointment it would be appropriate to send a letter to her doctor that explains her situation.
This is a hard time. Again, best wishes on this journey.
If she's 'able' to fix herself something to eat, she's also able to go to the bathroom and change her adult brief and/or use the toilet.
If dementia is involved, then a Memory Care AL would be the answer. My mother is checked every 2 hours for a wet brief, and asked if she needs to use the bathroom, so there's no rash or other skin breakdowns to cause huge health concerns. She's even woken up at 5 am for the exact same reason, and then goes back to sleep. It's THAT important.
Give your mother the choice to make herself.
Good luck!
If you look at age progression and the loss of basic daily care/skills as a normal thingy you'll be able to tackle every step with more objectivity, love and good care. Whether you do it yourself or hire help.
Your mom being "ok" with sitting in her soil IS an 'OMG my mom's sittin' in it! What do I do!!!?' moment. It's also, objectively, an indicator.
If you objectively see each step of progressive deterioration as an indicator, you'll be able to seek the appropriate help she needs in a timely manner. It may reduce the frequency and intensity of the overall negative emotions that come with this gig, it really did for me.
Things are kinda rootin' tootin' at my house with my old mom. Mostly good on a daily basis for us all.
Independent people either change their own soiled garments or arrange caregivers to do tasks they cannot.
It sounds to me like your Mother is in denial over this issue. If fact, that she is no longer independant - maybe now semi-dependant or even dependant.
My relative described herself as *living alone independently*. But on questioning for a needs assessment, the Social Worker re-labelled her situation as *living alone, dependently*. Wow. That label hit us like a rock! But it was correct.
Have a look with fresh eyes over Mother's whole situation. You may be seeing a small problem with an easy solution or you may be seeing the tip of an iceberg.