My beloved aunt lives alone and has dementia. Her loving daughters are running out of money for a full-time caretaker. How can we persuade her to move to the wonderful assisted living facility in her community (it would be paid for by insurance)? If we cannot persuade her, how can we move her (she is lucid enough to sound competent)?
I have found all of the responses and other peoples stories helpful and is hope that the responses to me did nit take away from you Stephan. Our situations were similar so I hope you benefited from all of the stories too. CarolLyn is so right...each circumstance is very different and each family dynamic is different. Re: convincing to go to AL or NH...I am in the middle of that now so I do not know how to do it but I have no ability to provide 24 hour care in my home unless it can be provided through insurance which I am quite sure is not...my thought now is to find a place in my town or very close by so that I can bring her to my house as much as possible, but still have somewhere for her to be taken care of when I can't do it....not sure if I can get her to go along with this...she just wants to go home...and who can blame her. re: will insurance pay? It will for some I think..but if she doesn't have tons of money..you need to file for Medicaid for her..this requires a lot of paperwork so good to start early. It requires lots of digging through paperwork in her home and trips to her banks...etc. you need the POA to get the info from the banks and they need to bring that documentation with them to the bank. Good luck
I'd meet with your aunt's children and formulate a 'plan of attack' – if your aunt is thrifty, appeal to that "you paid a lot of money for your long term care insurance and you could be one of the few people who actually get to take advantage of it and live for free!" If your aunt is able to be persuaded by a guilt trip, have her children make the appeal "I can't believe you won't even consider this for me. Knowing how I worry about you and how much I love you, how can you not even give this a chance. You are taking support away from your grandchildren - I can't provide for them as I could if you would use your insurance...). But, given that her resistance sounds 'toddler-like', you may be most successful by just laying down the law. Her kids could meet with her together (to show how serious they are) "We can no longer afford to support you. You must use your insurance. We are going to look at a community today."
Personally, even if I had money to burn, I'd be damned if I'd spend it on aides for someone who has long-term care insurance!
Her children need to confront her with reality or just move ahead and make the plans without her. It's hard being a parent to your parent!
Will she at least go to the AL and have a look?
Depending on the progression of her dementia, she might now be a candidate for AL, though.
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