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Other siblings handle medicine, hygiene (showering), finances, doctors appts, groceries, laundry, meals shopping for clothes, buying Xmas gifts, etc. The sister she lives with acts entitled to this support and always seems overwhelmed. She runs a I home daycare and we expressed concern about my mom being there because we didn’t think she would be able to meet my mom’s needs. I believe my mom would receive better care in assisted living, but Mom is frightened of being anywhere other than with her children. I am beginning to resent my sister and cannot talk to her; she gets very defensive.


Should I broach the subject of assisted living with my siblings again? Mom is in rehab after being very sick. We are all concerned about her returning to my sister’s house.

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Only two questions matters here.
Is your mother competent to make her own decisions?
AND
Who is the POA?

Your mother is in charge of her own choices if she is competent.
Siblings at war create dissention for a senior in the very years she needs the joint support of her children, and I personally frown upon that.

The POA is in charge when Mother is unable to make her own decisions. That person was put in charge by your mother and SHOULD NOT BE INTERFERRED with. If that person is YOU, then it is your decision and should not be discussed overmuch with the siblings. If that person is someone else then you should back out of it, provide support to Mom and sister, and just be polite.
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No, your sister can't take care of Mom and do Daycare too so yes she needs help. Do u not help? This would be a good time to talk to the siblings doing the work about transferring Mom to an AL after her stay. If they don't agree then nothing u can do. One sibling should not be telling others that they need to be doing most of the care.
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There are 4 siblings and we all help. I do the bulk of it because I am retired but my younger sister has tried to take on more to assist me. As I said, the sister Mom lives with expects this. Recently she asked her children to help by visiting my Mom but her husband doesn’t assist at all and she doesn’t have a car to provide transportation for my Mom for doctor’s appts etc.

I am the POA and just worried that this current situation is not workable any more but all my Mom talks about is getting out of rehab and going back home.
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AlvaDeer Feb 10, 2024
Good. Question one is answered.
You are POA.
So the opinions of others matters little.
On to question 2.
Is your mother competent or incompetent.
If the former, she is in charge. You can suffer or resign.
If the second, she is incompetent and you can have her placed.

Another option here? Since your Mom has chosen to live with a sister you don't agree to, why not resign your POA and have your mom assign the sister she chose. Let her do it all, and relax with your feet up and a cocktail.
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