I think it's ironic that she still follows all the doctor's advice, such as she takes a blood thinner which prevents her from taking the pain pills that work for her. When I suggested to the doc to take her off the blood thinner and put her on the pain pills, he looked at me like I was crazy, and said, "If we do that, she could die of a stroke!"
Is it just me, or should a person who is done with life continue to take their medications (she takes blood pressure meds and other meds for her heart).
When I suggest she talk to the Drs. about it she says the Dr. would never let her do that.
She has always thought that what the DR. says is the last word.
I think there's a difference between being ready for the inevitable and choosing to die right now. I've also met people who feel helpless and useless and wonder aloud why they are still here but in my opinion that is not necessarily a wish for death, it's a sign of poor quality of life and a wistful longing for purpose.
And strokes don't necessarily kill, they can cause disability and/or cognitive decline that greatly reduce quality of life.
Being involved in my parents health and having an RN for a daughter, I have learned alot concerning our healthcare system. I see too many visits to a doctor, especially when on Medicare. I see my PCP prescribing certain things, then parent is in the hospital and that doctor doing what he/she thinks is right without consulting the doctor's my parent saw on a regular basis. I started to question once I took over my Moms care. Why is she still on a med because her heart was beating too fast when the Thyroid med fixed that. Why is she on double b/p med when she is no longer in pain? She couldn't get off the couch. Why is she going to her PCP every 2 months when she is healthy as a horse. Her one specialist did ask why was she on still on Cholesterol meds when her enzymes had already shown as high at one point. He said she should never been put back on them once her enzymes showed high. He took her off. (Statins have been shown to contribute to Dementia). We have to be our own advocates and for our LOs too. We now have the internet we can consult.
My cholesterol is high. The first thing my doctor recommended was Lipitor. Of all the statins this has the most side effects. I said I was surprised it was suggested. My daughter says its because the Dr gets kick backs by prescribing certain medications.
What's the main cause of pain? And, given that the doctor advises against one particular type of pain relief, what does he propose instead?
Yes, it is time you (as I am assuming her health care advocate) and your Mom discuss her feelings about being ready to die. BOTH my parents felt this way. She should ask for referral to a palliative care doctor who will remove what medications they agree upon. Do know that even if we WANT TO DIE, we cannot push some magic button and make it happen, and living we SHOULD take those medications that give us a better quality of life while we DO live. That includes medications to get fluid that a failing heart pump cannot remove off our lungs and peripheral vascular system, and blood pressure meds to prevent stroke. Strokes do not always kill.
Be certain meanwhile that your mother's wishes are expressly stated in advance directive and that her doctor and you have copies. You can add addendums that state specifically she will not take IV fluids or other artificial feedings and hydration through ANY tube, NG, gastric, or IV. This will not prolong her life after an incident. She should express she wants no CPR and no intubation. She should write that she will not accept any permanent or temporary dialysis if that is her wish.
I wish you the best. Let Mom know these are HER decisions. Some we can make and others we cannot.
Few states have right to die laws. And you must be "expected" to die, in the opinion of two doctors, within 6 months to avail yourself of this, which normally means you have a disease such as cancer in advanced stages. Often for seniors this isn't available to them.
Palliative care and hospice when it is time will help. Many who do not work in medical care don't understand that our elders often DO wish to die. They have lived long and done what they can. It is over and they are exhausted and losing every single thing they had including and finally the control of mobility, of bowel and bladder, even of their minds and memories, all that makes them who they are. When they say they are ready to die it may be depression and chronic pain. but it MAY also be that they in fact, now do wish to have peace.