He has learned how to manipulate the dr and although his care team was going to recommend some places for him to go and try to hold him in the hospital the dr felt like he should be let go and they did so without discussing it with his care team. I live in SC and I came here right away because mom is afraid of him, we need to do something so he can't come back she has heart problems and she should be happy living in her house and she isn't, the police are telling her if she's afraid she should leave... its absurd!!! We need help.
What kind of doctor is being manipulated? If it's not someone with a psychiatric or psychological background, another doctor needs to be involved. That's the primary issue I took from what other families, psychiatric workers, psych hospitals and law enforcement are dealing with.
I think the police are wrong in telling your mother she should leave; it's her home, after all. In fact, I think the police should be the ones to get the ball rolling and get him committed or placed somewhere safely, where he can't harm himself or others.
I can think of a few options:
1. Hire an attorney to file ASAP a request for PPO (Personal Protective Order) to prevent him from approaching either you or your mother (and/or other family), including her home. In my experience, a perimeter will be established, i.e., he can't come within 100 feet (just an example) of either of you, your homes, vehicles. Nor could he call, write, text, or e-mail or make any contact whatsoever. In short, he would be prevented from coming near you and your mother, w/I specifically established limits. If the order is granted, law enforcement will serve him. In my area, it was the Sheriff's Department. Violation could result in his being incarcerated.
2. Ask an attorney about filing a petition with the probate court (if that's the court that has jurisdiction) for placement in a psychiatric hospital. This could result in a lot of anger on his part, but it may be the only way he'll get treatment.
3. Assuming you can afford it, hire a handyman to put locks on all entrances, including windows. Have him/her or a security company install perimeter security (i.e., exterior lighting close enough to the house to activate when someone approaches it.
4. Get some hair spray and keep it handy in case he defies the order. It's not a good way to repel someone, but it works. And sometimes you have to be very forceful. (If you can think of something to be sprayed that doesn't harm someone, but just deters them, use that instead. You really don't want to harm him, just keep him away.)
5. If he threatens you or your mother in anyway, call the police immediately. It is their duty to protect someone, and it sounds like your mother and you could both use protection.
I only wish this wasn't a weekend, so that you could get assistance immediately. If you have to leave, is there anyone who could stay with your mother?
An attorney can help you get that order of protection. If there is one in place, yes, at that time, someone can be “trespassed”. But, at that time, your mom will also have to be willing to press the charges. It’s hard.
Best wishes.
Contact NAMI in your area, people there have lived through this.
You must have been living this your whole life! You are right that it is an unhappy and difficult situation, but if for safety and sanity reasons, your brother cannot be stabilized and needs to live elsewhere (supported housing),
then get support from the NAMI parents and family living this.
You could approach your brother as an advocate for him, help in finding suitable support and a safe place to live.
Is there anything that has changed with him recently, and how has Mom managed this in the past when he has had bad episodes? Is he a senior now?
Does he have any physical health issues causing him to act out?
Final advice:
Remove all possible weapons from her home, including kitchen knives.
Also, if you can prove physical abuse has occurred, file a police report and request an Emergency Protective Order. In my state, we have to arrest anyone that violates that. A Restraining Order or Temporary Protective Order is civil and the responsibility is on the family to advise a judge that he has violated that. There are no immediate repercussions.
You can also see if there is a MHMR service in your area that can help you walk through processes.