Follow
Share

My Dad does not want to go to a AL he lives in IL and I am primarily in FL and no other siblings live close they are a few hrs away or in another country. He also does not want to live with anyone, and doesn’t really want strangers coming to his home. there is a house for sale right next door to me in FL and I am retired and he said he would probably like to do this. He is 87yrs old walks with a cane/walker and has the finances to do this and he said he wouldn’t be wasting his money this way! I do have a sibling that is not happy about this but they still work. Does anyone have any thoughts or advice?

You really don’t want a demanding, unreasonable dad next door. His needs will only increase while his abilities decrease. He will believe that you being next door means you do everything he needs around the clock. Though you’re retired, consider your own age and activities in this. Dad is coming to an event that will force change for him, it always happens. Wait it out, minus arguing with him. He will accept assisted living or whatever the appropriate next step is then. I wish you both peace
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to Daughterof1930
Report

You will need to politely tell him "no", I'm not interested in managing/maintaining 2 properties, plus being your full-time on-call caregiver. I'd love it if you moved close to me but only if it is in AL.

Even if he offered to pay for all the maintenance/management of the property (which would probably cost close to a reasonably priced AL) the point is you don't want to be his 24/7 caregiver. You will by default also become his Entertainment Committee. "No" is a boundary he doesn't want to hear, but you need to enforce it.

My 97-yr old Mom lives semi-independently next door to me (since 1997). She's single and I'm an only child. When she broke her pubic bone and was laid up I hired agency caregivers to deal with her, otherwise I'd never be at my own house. This drove her crazy because it was expensive, but she continues to fall and her daily needs are increasing. Now she was diagnosed with HBP and wants me to go over there twice a day to take her BP. Nope, unless she can do it, I"m not going to. When elders develop cognitive impairment their logic, reason, judgment and empathy for others all dry up. My Mom can't care what her demands do to my daily life so I am very clear with myself about what my boundaries are, no matter how much she complains. She gets over it.

The other thing you need to tell your Dad is that you won't be his helper unless he assigns you as his durable FPoA. This will probably stop his plan dead in its tracks. It would still be a good thing for his to do -- he needs someone to be his legal representative or else he may be assigned a 3rd party legal guardian by the courts depending on what happens in his future.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to Geaton777
Report

Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter