He refuses to shower or bath himself, refuses to have carers in to help. He refuses all medical procedures. He just sits there all day smoking and drinking. Yet ive been too the doctors with him twice recently. And they said hes allowed to drink and smoke . And if i refuse to get it for him then im the one who's in the wrong. Like reading some of the things ive read on the forum. One lady is totally right. We are not taught whilst growing up how to care and look after old people, especially those that just neglect themselves when we try to help them. We can not win no matter what we do. It actually causes myself to be very depressed. And its not fair . He brought me into this world, not the other way around.
making the best of his life in his old age.
Perhaps he has given up nevertheless you have choices and decisions to make concerning his care. Have you a social worker that can give you advice on what the options are when it comes to his care. Do you have siblings that are interested in helping with his care. Taking care of the elderly is not a do it all by yourself challenge you need support. Please do not get depressed you are not in control or responsible for his outcome he is choosing to make choices for himself. By all means do what you can to make a difference and educate yourself as to how you can help him without interfering with his freedom to choose how he wants to live. There are test that shows mental health issues if there are some, his primary care doctor is the gateway to your getting information that can help you improve your fathers situation if possible and help you feel more at peace with his situation. I wish you the best you are to be commended for caring about your father’s situation and health. It pleases God when we show concern and kindness towards those we owe it to so don’t give up .
Your dad's a grown a$$ man and can live with the choices he has made, but it doesn't mean that you have to participate.
I think it's time to just walk a way and let the chips fall where they may for your alcoholic dad. I also recommend attending some Al-Anon meetings while you're at it too, as they are very helpful to those dealing with a loved one who's an alcoholic.
You are only responsible for your own life, so get out there and make sure you're making the very best of it.
In a facility he will have staff who can get him to proper basic care, meals, socialization, medical attention. And you will get your life back.
You don't have to give up your life to save his, and I hope you will get yourself out of this situation as soon as possible. I wish you luck in doing that.
My Dad was a hard-core drinker and he also did the grunting. I don't think he was aware that he was doing the grunting.
One school of thought in the medical community is that it is unrealistic to expect those in their 70's, 80's and 90's to stop drinking alcoholically and to just let people drink.
I visited a friend in a nursing home yesterday. It is the only one in my county that allows smoking. They have a smoking are outside for the residents who smoke. It was hysterical. Smoking hours are from 8:00 am - noon and 1:00 pm to 8:00 pm. Most of the smokers were in wheel chairs. An employee puts a large apron on each smoker. I'm guessing it is made of fireproof material. The employee lights all of the cigarettes. I don't think the smokers are allowed to have matches or lighters. The smokers are hard core. They are small wizened people, in wheel chairs, with stick arms and legs.
When Dad started the grunting I tried to stay clear as much as possible.
AnAnon really helped me.