Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Do you have to visit often, or can you limit your time with them to brief, weekly visits to check on them? Or visit even less and just call now and then?
If you have a difficult relationship with your parents and it causes you both grief, there's no hard and fast rule that says you *have* to visit them frequently. If you know they are ok and are taking care of themselves, then visit less often. If they ask why you're not visiting more often, explain why, very politely. Say, "Mom & Dad, your behavior towards me often causes me emotional pain, and I don't know if you realize that. When you say, (insert whatever they say here that causes you pain and anxiety), it really hurts me, and makes me not want to visit." They will either accept that, or not - but you will have at least said your piece.
I can relate as I went through this. First make sure you are rested, have taken good care of yourself, listen to some uplifting music on your way over. Steel yourself basically.
Then try to keep all things light, try to have some pleasant plans for your visit--going out for lunch, a drive, a treat like go out for an ice cream or something -- or bring in carry out. When mom or dad got caught in unpleasant conversation or said stuff annoying to me, I'd suggest we go for a walk. I focused only on the nice things, a pretty yard, nice car in neighbors driveway, something happy in the news or sports. My parents were negative, I focuss d on positive.
If it got too bad, I learned to just cut the visit short and leave. After awhile I told my parents, "this is getting heated and we don't agree, or I don't feel like listening to your criticism, so I'm leaving and will visit again when you feel better."
It's hard. It would take me days to work up to a visit for a couple days and then take me 2-3weeks to recover from the visit.
I know your pain and frustration. I had to change me. I couldn't change them.
I'm not sure that acting happy is a good thing. Be happy and show it while things are going well. When things go off the rails, and you are unhappy, show that, too. When mother says something judgemental, frown and say, "I really did not come here to be criticized. Can we change the subject, please?" And if that doesn't get results, "I can see this is not a good time for my visit. I'll leave now, and see you next month." Then LEAVE!
If you are acting happy, why would you expect your parents to change how they treat you?
KFinn59, I see from your profile that your parents still live at home, I assume by themselves, and they have mobility problems. That is so similar to my own parents.
It was my Mom was the stubborn, judgement person. Dad was very easy going. And it was quite stressful for me since I lived literally around the corner. They were always saying "they can manage" but being in their 90's my Mom was very much in denial. She still had Dad climbing ladders and doing electrical work even though it was difficult for him due to age and eye sight.
Are your parents refusing to downsize? My Mom refused to even think about senior living, oh maybe in a couple of years.... yeah right, when she is 100. Dad was ready to pack, but not without Mom.
I kept my visits very short, mainly because their house felt like a rain forest it was soooo hot, and the smell. Come on folks, open a window and get some fresh air in.
KFinn, what type of care are you doing for your parents? Being their chauffeur? Getting their groceries? All those doctor appointments? Or does someone else manage that, and you try to visit when you can.
Sometimes we need to put ourselves into our parent's shoes. Getting older isn't easy. It can be downright tough. I know I am feeling those age related issues which showed out of the blue. Like squatting down on the floor to clean and realizing I can't get back up :P
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If you have a difficult relationship with your parents and it causes you both grief, there's no hard and fast rule that says you *have* to visit them frequently. If you know they are ok and are taking care of themselves, then visit less often. If they ask why you're not visiting more often, explain why, very politely. Say, "Mom & Dad, your behavior towards me often causes me emotional pain, and I don't know if you realize that. When you say, (insert whatever they say here that causes you pain and anxiety), it really hurts me, and makes me not want to visit." They will either accept that, or not - but you will have at least said your piece.
Then try to keep all things light, try to have some pleasant plans for your visit--going out for lunch, a drive, a treat like go out for an ice cream or something -- or bring in carry out. When mom or dad got caught in unpleasant conversation or said stuff annoying to me, I'd suggest we go for a walk. I focused only on the nice things, a pretty yard, nice car in neighbors driveway, something happy in the news or sports. My parents were negative, I focuss d on positive.
If it got too bad, I learned to just cut the visit short and leave. After awhile I told my parents, "this is getting heated and we don't agree, or I don't feel like listening to your criticism, so I'm leaving and will visit again when you feel better."
It's hard. It would take me days to work up to a visit for a couple days and then take me 2-3weeks to recover from the visit.
I know your pain and frustration. I had to change me. I couldn't change them.
I'm not sure that acting happy is a good thing. Be happy and show it while things are going well. When things go off the rails, and you are unhappy, show that, too. When mother says something judgemental, frown and say, "I really did not come here to be criticized. Can we change the subject, please?" And if that doesn't get results, "I can see this is not a good time for my visit. I'll leave now, and see you next month." Then LEAVE!
If you are acting happy, why would you expect your parents to change how they treat you?
It was my Mom was the stubborn, judgement person. Dad was very easy going. And it was quite stressful for me since I lived literally around the corner. They were always saying "they can manage" but being in their 90's my Mom was very much in denial. She still had Dad climbing ladders and doing electrical work even though it was difficult for him due to age and eye sight.
Are your parents refusing to downsize? My Mom refused to even think about senior living, oh maybe in a couple of years.... yeah right, when she is 100. Dad was ready to pack, but not without Mom.
I kept my visits very short, mainly because their house felt like a rain forest it was soooo hot, and the smell. Come on folks, open a window and get some fresh air in.
KFinn, what type of care are you doing for your parents? Being their chauffeur? Getting their groceries? All those doctor appointments? Or does someone else manage that, and you try to visit when you can.
Sometimes we need to put ourselves into our parent's shoes. Getting older isn't easy. It can be downright tough. I know I am feeling those age related issues which showed out of the blue. Like squatting down on the floor to clean and realizing I can't get back up :P