He was recently hospitalized so I went into his checking account to pay his bills. I found that he has written her checks totaling more than 25K over the course of one year. Not sure what my next steps are. There is nothing new in the house nor has any work been done in the house. She does everything for him and he adores her so he will be furious with me if I take action, but this untenable. I cannot find any justification for him giving her so much money. I can overlook a random tip or token gift to show his appreciation but 25K sure is a lot of money.
I was a paid caregiver for many years and now own a homecare agency. This is what I tell families hiring a caregiver for an elderly LO. It is not up to us to secure their valuables or guard the bank accounts. That's up to the client or their family. If they've stolen, they get fired immediately but it's up to the family or the client themselves to press charges with the police. Here is what's going to happen if you report on the caregiver. She gets fired for violating company policy on receiving gifts. All homecare agencies have policies on what their caregivers can accept as gifts. Policies aren't laws though. If your father doesn't have a dementia diagnosis and willingly gave her the money, that isn't stealing so the law isn't going to go after her. The agency she works for will fire her.
You state yourself right here that your father adores this woman, she does everything for him, and he will be furious if you take action. Think about that for a minute. The action you take and what the result of that action will be depends on not whether or not your father has some kind of dementia, but rather that there's proof of a dementia diagnosis. You have to be careful in situations like this. If your father doesn't have dementia (and many elders don't neither of my parents did and lived to be very old)and there's no diagnosis, this caregiver may just get him down to the courthouse and put a ring on him. Then you and your family will have no say on anything.
Visit your father without his caregiver present and talk to him about the money and what's going on in his house. Have a doctor do some dementia testing. It may very well be that he may need someone to be his POA or conservator/guardian and you don't want that person to be his caregiver. Tread lightly though because you don't want your father getting closer to the caregiver and pushing you further away.
Then, if you are his FPoA, I would rearrange his money so that only the bare minimum amount is ever in his checking account (to pay bills) and he no longer has access to his checkbooks or any of his other assets. Put a freeze on his credit, and make sure she isn't also using his credit card. You can also inform the bank in case she does an end-run around you, so they are alert that she's financially abusing him.
You will need to tell your Father a therapeutic fib, "She had to move away" so that he's not furious. Make sure her phone number is blocked on his phone and if he has internet access and uses any social media that you put parental controls on it so she cannot reach him.
$25k is a felony, fyi. I would talk to an elder law attorney and see if you should pursue her to reclaim the money and make sure she never works around vulnerable people again. Is she was from an agency she should have known better.
You're assuming that the father has dementia and that there is a diagnosis of it to take to the police. The caregiver didn't steal anything here. The father willingly gave to her and no doubt he will tell everyone so because he adores her. Yes, the agency that employs her will fire her for accepting that money.
The therapeutic lie doesn't work unless a person's mind is gone with dementia. Sometimes it doesn't even work then. The father will have to be told the truth. The caregiver's agency fired her for accepting money from him when that is not allowed. The homecare agency will get the anger from the father and not the OP which will probably make things a bit easier.
Where does the line get drawn between gracious gifting and financial elder abuse is so murky. You need to consider and determine if your father is in cognitive decline. Discuss with him why the gifts of that amount were given to her could determine if he is cognitively able to make sound financial decisions. You may realize through this tough discussion that he is declining. He may be able to showtime but you need to find out the true intentions of the monetary gifts.
Do you know this caregiver well to also have a discussion with her?
You should be to consult with an elder care attorney in your fathers state/county to see what steps need to occur with your POA duties are currently and if they should be enacted fully. You may need to become the "parent" and him the "child". As POA this often occurs and you need to maintain a different way of thinking. You will need to base your decision for his wellbeing off of NEEDS not wants. It is hard but it needs to be done to protect everyone involved.
Good luck.
If you tell her agency, she gets fired and tells your Dad why. Your Dad gets mad and cuts you off as POA. Then you will have zero access to know what he's spending on. I can bet she will still come take care of Dad for $2,000 a month.
Think this one through carefully, before you do anything.
I'm confused by your comment "she is paid by the company for her time." What do you mean? Does Dad own a company? Or are you referring to the Healthcare agency she was hired from?
Hopefully you are his FPoA. Maybe it's even durable. If so, read the doc and meet the criteria for activating your authority. You may need to use a therapeutic fib to get him in for the exam. Make sure to get the diagnosis written and signed by his doctor. You will need to ignore that protecting him from himself will anger him. Keep thinking about his future self being dead broke and needing care paid for by Medicaid. In most states there is a 5-year look back on the financial application.
If you aren't his PoA... you must somehow convince him to assign someone as his durable PoA. If it gets completely out of control then you can try reporting the thief to APS and the agency. Maybe the agency is colluding with this aid to rob from people. If your Father gifts more that $19k (in 2025) in a single year to someone they both have to report it on their taxes.
Worst case scenario is that you pursue guardianship.
A person giving someone they love and care about a sum of money isn't medical or legal poof that the person can no longer make sound decisions. This can be a dangerous mentality for a family to have because often times their loved one pushes them out of their lives and gets even closer with the caregiver who they see all the time and who is kind to them.
I've had families tell me that their elderly loved one has dementia, can't take care of themselves, and can't make decisions anymore. I normally ask why their loved one is still living on their own then with a paid hourly caregiver coming in. That's the same as leaving a child to live on their own but with a baby-sitter coming in a few hours a day.