My FIL and his GF have been together for 15 years. They have a toxic relationship, however, she convinced my FIL to sell his home and lie saying she would add him to her mortgage on her new home, which she did not. He is on disability and has had 12 back surgeries. He's very manipulative and tells my husband he will kill himself. Now, he is staying with us. My husband didn't ask me how I felt about it. His own sister won't allow him to move in. This is extremely stressful as we are just recovering from marital problems. We have been married almost 9 years, and we have 4 children. He tells my husband he has 4 dollars in his account and makes us try to feel bad when we don't have extra. Then, he drives around all day smoking weed. I told my husband this can't be permanent. I will leave. Stressed, please offer advise thanks.
I'm not discounting your issues with FIL. Does your husband feel obligated to house and financially support his father? Does he get that you dont want FIL to live with you?
Do not start giving him money. It won't stop.
I would call 911, tell them he is threatening suicide and driving around impaired and with him threatening to kill himself you fear he may use his vehicle to accomplish this.
Then refuse to allow him back in the house.
Does your husband not care about his children? Because from where I am standing any dad that thought this was an okay role model for children frankly doesn't care about their future.
He has to know that his dad is a manipulator and may be afraid he will actually kill himself, I personally think if you use that for control you're breathing air that someone else needs, shut up and get er done already.
I'm going to say pack up the kids and go to a nice relative who will take you in. If your family of origin was abusive (why you married this guy) then do you have a nice older aunt, or a grandmother who can help you out until you get child support?
Instead of shipping FIL out to a Secrion 8 apartment, call your local Department of Health and Human Services and get yourself one. Find an attorney (legal aid) and file for divorce. Don’t blame your kids for having to stay together. This situation is toxic for them too.