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My husband's granddaughter will be visiting us and many relatives and friends at the end of August. She will be traveling from Israel. We have not seen her in many years. My husband is in early stages of dementia. I have been keeping us safe from covid so far and all I ask is that she get tested before visiting. My step daughter and their whole family did have covid already and are all vaccinated. They say it is just like having a cold. But I do not want to get this virus and nor do I want my husband to get it. I have taken precautions and still do. Should I be concerned because I am freaking out over this. Thank you.

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It is a balancing act. COVID will never go away, but those who were vaccinated are less likely to die from an infection. But we are also seeing bad flu and RSV because we isolated so well that we are less able to fight those common viruses and have severe outcomes also..
On the other hand, isolating people with dementia from enriching socialization may speed the dementia along. My case in point...a good adult day care or MC keeps people more alert and less likely to sleep during the day. Think about those who were in facilities and were not able to see their families. Depressing isn't it?
You might just have a few test kits ready when she comes to visit and ask the questions we are all familiar with at the doctors office, except for the 10 day isolation post travel. Would this be more acceptable? You could request masking. You all could step outside with the visit if in a warm climate area. Also, remember to take some unmasked pictures
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Ive known unvaccinated and vaccinated people who have gotten covid twice, but the only person I knew who died of it was my unvaccinated neighbor in Feb.

He was always doing yard work. When he wasn’t, he’d be walking the little dogs they took care of with their doggie day care. Or bicycling. Or recruiting neighbor guys for golf. Exceptionally healthy for early 70s, and then he is dead.

Compared to the plethora of frailer, older people who are vaccinated and alive.
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I think several posters here need to be assessed for cognitive function and perhaps for a UTI. Both can cause unreasonable and hateful behavior that is outside the realm of a fully functioning adult.
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notgoodenough Jun 2022
Or perhaps the OP is making this situation unnecessarily complicated.

Or trying to stir the pot bringing up a topic that causes a bitterly divided reaction. Especially as it seems that OP had decided on what to do BEFORE she posted the "question".
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The only people these vaccines are helping is the vaccine manufacturers and their fat bank accounts.

Billions in record profits for something that does not prevent illness and has the potential to cause tons of side effects. Some right away and others in the future.

The more boosters the more your odds of autoimmune disease, weakened immune system, stroke, blood clots and yes even death.

If the media was actually doing their jobs (amazing what a bailout from the government buys in terms of silence) they would be reporting on the information released by the vaccine manufacturers that detail the fact that these vaccines don't work to stop covid.

Decades from now the truth about covid, the testing and vaccines will come out. It always does.
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lealonnie1 Jun 2022
The statistics are coming out now that the more vaxxed & boosted we are, the more likely we are to GET Covid, and the more frequently we are to get it too. How many unvaxxed people do you know who have had Covid over and over again? None. I have friends who are boosted 2-3x who have had the virus 3x or more already! Versus the unvaxxed I know personally who have not HAD Covid at ALL!

After DH had his transplant, he was told NO MORE BOOSTERS; and NO monoclonal antibody treatment either, which Mayo was giving out to ALL of the transplant people. From the lips of the Mayo Clinic. Things that make you go hmmmmmmmm. DH has a couple of small pulmonary emboli after his surgeries and the 'vaccines' are known to CAUSE clots, so that may be one reason they're telling him NO to boosters and antibody treatments, they're not saying.
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Paranoia doesn’t help when it comes to a virus! Nor is it always a death sentence for the elderly.

I was vaccinated, wore a mask, all that. I still got it in January. I have asthma so I was a bit freaked out when I tested positive. Because I was vaxxed, it wasn’t too terrible. Tired, lost sense of smell for a week, some coughing but nothing terrible. Was back to normal within two weeks.
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If you have asked her and her family to test before they visit, why exactly are you "freaking out" about this?

Either they will test or they won't. I am going to assume from your posts that if they refuse to test, you won't allow them to visit. Or if they test, and are positive, you won't allow them to visit. Conversely, if they test negative then you will allow them to visit. There's doesn't seem to be much to freak out over - seems pretty cut and dried to me.

It all boils down to risk tolerance. If this is your "line in the sand" then stand by it. Because you must know that a charged topic such as this is not really going to garner you much information that is going to help your decision.

It's your home, and you have the right of refusal. Whether other people would do things differently is neither here nor there.
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Little, you sent me a PM that states, she is coming from Isreal, your son works 7 days a week and your daughter and grand children didn't visit for a long time, implying they now visit.

What is the real issue? That she's coming from Israel? That it is his granddaughter?

If you and your kids are out and about, then coming home to your DH, I think you aren't really worried about covid.

So what is the real issue?

Because I doubt that your family tests every single time they walk in the door, thereby, potentially exposing both of you.

Israel has the highest vaccination rate in the world and the best protocol. Why are you so opposed to his family seeing him?
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AlvaDeer Jun 2022
My concern in my own case (grandson and girlfriend), RR is that despite having four vaccines, and whether we are well vaccinated or not, my partner and I in our 80s are in more danger of covid "getting us". The vaccines are proving themselves ineffective now against our GETTING it, but likely are keeping us out of the hospital if we do.
I honestly would pay for Bed and Breakfast for grandson and visiting girlfriend and meet them for lunch and etc while they "do the city" but they will be unmasked, all over the place and exposed. I don't want them bringing it particularly to my partner who has quite a fear of it. So for me that's it. We are still pretty careful. Now going everywhere, but masked, and up to date on vaccines, but still wouldn't want, in a small space, to have the kids jammed in here for a week. Just me. Just our choice. Little also PM'd me that her space is, as ours is, very small.
In all truth, we have one bathroom, and having visitors stay here really is not our choice any more in any case.
I will be visiting my daughter next month. She has a big upstairs and a downstairs, more space, I would feel safer, and DO feel so.
Basically I think we are ALL going to get it to some degree or another eventually. But I am with Little on preventing it. I hope they can compromise on B&B if available and affordable.
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Ok....We are vaccinated, my husband got two boosters and one booster for me (got too busy here for the second). All of this was done per medical professionals-my husband is a doctor, I worked in medicine.
The people who did not wear masks, did not vaccinate, did not care to care for the wellbeing of others have helped immeasurably to keep COVID going far longer than it should have.
We have COVID as a direct result of the carelessness of those who do not care for others. This is not "like a cold", it is a bit more persistent and draining. But, at least I'm not in a hospital ward, I have been vaccinated, have a booster too. I'll get better. My husband has dementia and now COVID-you tell me how well that's going here. As far as connecting with family members, again, it's caring to make sure everyone is safe, be considerate, kind, understanding, this is a once in our lifetime event and a lot has changed.
My great grandfather died in the 1918 pandemic in Pittsburgh. I am glad, and proud that hard working, very smart, clever, scientists have helped me through their efforts to keep me alive with a great vaccine (and booster), so that I can care for my husband and maybe tell a few more family stories once everyone is well again....(did I ever tell ya about aunt Trice?...)
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Isthisrealyreal Jun 2022
Such misinformation
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And is granddaughter going to hug her grandfather whom she never sees? Uh oh. I wouldn't even depend on testing -- there is operator error on those quick tests (some more than others), and the antigen tests aren't that reliable, particularly if the person testing is asymptomatic.

An outside visit with masks (I'm thinking of the possibility of hugging) is safest. Testing isn't enough.
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Little, does nobody in your house ever leave? Your son never goes to work, you never go shopping, none of you have medical appointments?

That is the only way to ensure that you aren't exposed, total isolation.

Is that really how you live?

You say his daughter doesn't call very often, how often did or do any of you call her?

This one way communication is why so many people lose touch. Personally, if someone isn't making an effort to call me and I am the only one reaching out, I feel like they don't want to have contact and after awhile I stop calling. We need to do what we expect others to do, especially if we are going to be critical of their actions or inaction.
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My husband and I were vaccinated before Christmas. Went to see our daughter in Virginia. When we came home we went by an urgent care to be checked before going to the ALF to check on DH aunt. I was fine. DH tested positive. He had zero symptoms.
It is easy enough to be tested. You don’t have to rely on politics, religion or voodoo.
Everyone gets tested. No exceptions. Masks all around. Enjoy the visit.
People who don’t want to be tested or wear masks don’t really need to visit.
I love them all the same just don’t need to be sick right now thank you.
No need to tempt fate or stand on principles. No hard feelings. Life is stressful enough.
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sp19690 Jun 2022
The tests are complete and utter garbage. Testing positive with no symptoms. The whole thing is ridiculous.
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Studies at the University of Cambridge and at the US VA are showing that there are lingering effects from Covid even in those who had mild cases. The effects are on the brain and heart, to name a couple. Also those with dementia are at greater risk. This makes it not “just a cold” or only an immediate concern. What good is it to set eyes upon a person and take a chance that the rest of your life you’ll have lung problems that can’t resolve? Family is wonderful but they need to be considerate of others with risk factors and mostly stay away. If they take serious precautions, maybe. But Covid is still a pandemic and caregivers protecting loved ones should be primary.
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sp19690 Jun 2022
Whats really causing the lung problems? What medications did they take? We're they vented? All these things can lead to permanent injury too. Even pneumonia can cause permanent scarring of the lungs. As can certain mefications and treatments that can cause permanent damage to a person.
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You should not interfere with the visit. It's been a couple of years since anyone could freely travel, so it's hard to say when she would have come to visit without a pandemic.

Regardless of anything, it is his daughter and granddaughter and he should be allowed to see them.

Have masks and hand sanitizer at the door and explain that you are being overly cautious because neither of you can afford to get sick. Most everyone is courteous about this in someone's home.

If my dads wife stopped me from visiting, I would contact the authorities. Because I would think she was up to no good and trying to keep me from finding out what is going on. Of course, there is a history that would produce that reaction and I'm not saying this about you but, her contacting the authorities would be far more stressful then a visit from his family.
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sp19690 Jun 2022
Hand sanitizer is not a substitute for soap and water. If they are going in the house why do they have to use hand sanitizer? Why not just wash your hand?
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Thankfully it's summer and in NY the weather should be good for an outdoor visit, which is another way you can reduce your risk.
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If you are still worried get some KN95 or N95 masks from your pharmacy ( or free at the library here) and pass them out on arrival. I am sure they will understand due to the medical issue. ( or at least I hope they would)
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I have multiple health problems. I think if your destined to get Covid You'll get it. If it's your time to die you will. I was vaccinated and had one booster, but I wouldn't do it, if I had it to do over.
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MargaretMcKen Jun 2022
Have you had Covid yourself? I had it and it wasn't a lot of fun - still isn't quite right 6 weeks later. I'll be going back to vaccinations in due course.
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We have family members visit us who are vaccinated but who are out and about a lot more than we are, and the majority of them test frequently, including right before visiting us. I think testing is the key--grand-daughter should test right before you get together. Our son from out of town recently stayed with us, and he tested before leaving home, then again a few days after arriving (in case he'd caught something on the plane or in the airport). We invested in a very highly-related air purifier that's been tested in hospitals, and also try to keep all the windows open when we have visitors. Our elementary-age grandchildren are often masked when they visit if their parents think they have the slightest hint of a sniffle, even though they've tested them and they are Covid negative.
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Its like having a cold for some, but others it can be more serious. I wouldn't worry about testing until she is off the plane. Traveling from that far she could contract it. You can buy the rapid tests and ask that she use one.

I believe better to be safe than sorry.
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The Israelis have even higher standards of vaccination than the eu or us. If she’s current on her shots plus takes a covid test the night before, highly unlikely you’ll get it from her.

Meanwhile, my SOs whole family tested positive for covid. They were as careful as Dr Fauci, who also got covid. It is so ubiquitous that you can easily pick it up at the grocery store.

It seems to me that covid is less a concern here than introducing someone with dementia
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Littlepotato10 Jun 2022
My husband also has severe asthma and I get flare ups of Epstein Barr from time to time. Family who is far away and don't bother that much don't realize show stressful its been for me to take care of my husband with dementia. This is his daughter and granddaughter
that I am referring to. But of course I would look like the bad person to them if I refused
this visit. They don't have a clue. Thanks for your help.
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I have just refused to allow grandson to visit. I will be visiting my daughter and will go a bit further in her state to see him, but he wanted to come here with girlfriend. I told him I would happily pay for a Bed and Breakfast, but I recognize they, being you, will be out in the city without masking a lot. I am willing to meet them, to have them over and mask up and keep distance, but our apartment is a squeeze for four folks anyway, with one bath, and I just can't risk the spread of covid with the cases up in our city. So I have come to compromise. We are 80 and 82 and my partner is especially worried about Covid. He is one slender guy without a lot of fat reserves. We do recognize that with TWO NEW STRAINS we are almost certainly going to get this despite four shot status; it is just that we want to at least ATTEMPT to stay safe as we can. Things are different now. I hated to tell him no as it has been fun in past to all pack in. But I did tell him no.
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deosgood Jun 2022
If i was him i wouldn't even bother with you. Since you might get a cold twice a year and who knows what else you might get as you are aging and your immune system seems to be compromised anyway.
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