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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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I had him in memory care for 3 months and it was awful. He was not taken care of at all. I was there daily and they never even checked on him. This was a high rated expensive and specialized memory care. Ha. Never again I have him back home with me. I take better care of him than anyone could but I have to find ways to stop the falls. Anyone have answers or suggestions for that?
Need rails in hallways and grab bars in showers and bathtubs. Should have enough clearance all the way through the house or apartment from the entrance to each bathroom, bedroom, TV room, dining area and kitchen, to the garage or driveway for a wheelchair, scooter, or rollator. Need little ramps for wherever there is a step. May need grab bars on the potty seat too. Head protectors help too.
Find another memory care home. The one my mom is in is great. They are always checking on mom and the other residents. Not all memory care homes are the same. You cannot stop falls. They will keep happening. For your own safety as well as his find another facility for him.
No, you can not help. Do not attempt to pick him up when he falls. And don't try and hold on to him when he is walking; you both could go down. You can call 911 for a lift-assist. The only way to prevent falls is to insist he use a wheelchair. If he can't propel himself, then you push him in the chair. He is at most risk trying to get on or off the toilet! If he's weak and can't stand, he'll go down, and there are a lot of hard surfaces to fall against! Try a portable (on wheels) commode chair next to the bed, or even in the living room, where a fall won't cause as much damage. Wide open space, soft furniture, and soft floor.
If he falls again and gets hurt, it's time to go to the hospital, and do not bring him back home again! Have him transferred to a skilled nursing facility.
Memory care quality varies. Some are just not good overall. Some are good for certain dementia patients but not others, since forms of dementia vary. I have experience with a terrible place, an awful place, and two excellent places. So please keep don't let one bad experience discourage you if you find that placement is necessary.
Alzheimer's for 12 years? That is a very long road you have traveled.
You have to stop what you are doing (trying to "help" stop him falling and get him placed where he can be supervised by a staff. You simply cannot gamble with falls. You cannot predict them, you can't stop them, and you surely should NOT be risking them with him! What if he grabs you and pulls you down with him and you break a hip, or hit your head?
Just because one facility sucked, doesn't mean they all do. If you go first, who will take care of him? He will be put in a facility anyway. Find the perfect one, you know what to look for now.
It all sounds good in theory but what if you have limited resources to get in home care or placement? Our funds are minimal…too much for Medicaid but not enough for placement or in home care without draining what little we have.
You have to look for a better memory care for your husband. He's at the point where you can't provide better care for him than anyone else. Now that he's falling a lot, the outcome is certain. He will eventually have a very bad fall and break a bone, have a brain bleed, and/or lose cognition to the point where the decline is rapid and he dies. It's very predictable.
I've been through this with my husband when I cared for him at home (3 years). He fell all over the place - blood on the walls, floor, baseboards (along with the urine he knowingly sprayed at will), blood on the carpets, and I couldn't easily get him up since he couldn't cooperate with instructions. You will - like me - end up spending a good part of your day cleaning up body fluids. I found a nice memory care where he continued to fall and eventually ended up in the hospital with 4 broken ribs, then off to rehab where he couldn't comply with PT. He's now in a different and better memory care since the first one wouldn't take him back because by then he needed a higher level of care (and they would not hand feed him). His new memory care has been a godsend. He's been there a year and a half. In a wheelchair. Because of damage from falls. It might have been better to confine him to a wheelchair before he had damage from falls, but I didn't think that solution applied to us at the time.
I'm not sugarcoating this because of the seriousness of the dementia-caused life change that you and husband are facing now.
How do people pay for memory care? If he's a veteran, contact the VA. They may provide a lot of help. If he's not, you sell the house and downsize, same with the cars, cash in your assets, and I HOPE you have at least some money saved for your own eldercare. What else can you do to earn money? Rent out a room in your home. Get a part-time job once he's in memory care. Take out a loan? No one wants to do these things, but it's possible.
I'm so sorry. I wish this hadn't happened to you, but since it has, it's time to reflect on all your options so you can make wise choices.
Caregiving is emotionally draining even on a good day you are to be commended for reaching the milestone of caring for your husband for 12 years. Congratulations! It does sound as if your husband has become a fall risk ask his doctor to do an assessment of his medications and his physical strength, he may need physical therapy to strengthen his legs and hips and his medications may need to be adjusted. Hazard proofing your home is not a do it yourself project ask your family to get involved as soon as possible. Continue to endure his limitations but never put your safety and health at risk. Accept help from others and continue to maintain a positive attitude it will help you have joy in spite of the situation. Most care givers sow with tears but reap joy because they are giving their love one what they feel they deserve and that makes them have internal peace and joy. Some have relied on prayer and reading the promises in the Bible that speaks of a time when no one will get old and sick that hope sustains them. Isaiah 34:24
Until that time we have to be realistic about our own limitations and make decisions that will be beneficial for all concerned. Although your husband can’t speak for himself that is more than likely what he would want especially for you.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Good luck.
The only way to prevent falls is to insist he use a wheelchair. If he can't propel himself, then you push him in the chair. He is at most risk trying to get on or off the toilet! If he's weak and can't stand, he'll go down, and there are a lot of hard surfaces to fall against! Try a portable (on wheels) commode chair next to the bed, or even in the living room, where a fall won't cause as much damage. Wide open space, soft furniture, and soft floor.
If he falls again and gets hurt, it's time to go to the hospital, and do not bring him back home again! Have him transferred to a skilled nursing facility.
You have to stop what you are doing (trying to "help" stop him falling and get him placed where he can be supervised by a staff. You simply cannot gamble with falls. You cannot predict them, you can't stop them, and you surely should NOT be risking them with him! What if he grabs you and pulls you down with him and you break a hip, or hit your head?
Just because one facility sucked, doesn't mean they all do. If you go first, who will take care of him? He will be put in a facility anyway. Find the perfect one, you know what to look for now.
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/how-to-reduce-senior-falling-497867.htm
I've been through this with my husband when I cared for him at home (3 years). He fell all over the place - blood on the walls, floor, baseboards (along with the urine he knowingly sprayed at will), blood on the carpets, and I couldn't easily get him up since he couldn't cooperate with instructions. You will - like me - end up spending a good part of your day cleaning up body fluids. I found a nice memory care where he continued to fall and eventually ended up in the hospital with 4 broken ribs, then off to rehab where he couldn't comply with PT. He's now in a different and better memory care since the first one wouldn't take him back because by then he needed a higher level of care (and they would not hand feed him). His new memory care has been a godsend. He's been there a year and a half. In a wheelchair. Because of damage from falls. It might have been better to confine him to a wheelchair before he had damage from falls, but I didn't think that solution applied to us at the time.
I'm not sugarcoating this because of the seriousness of the dementia-caused life change that you and husband are facing now.
How do people pay for memory care? If he's a veteran, contact the VA. They may provide a lot of help. If he's not, you sell the house and downsize, same with the cars, cash in your assets, and I HOPE you have at least some money saved for your own eldercare. What else can you do to earn money? Rent out a room in your home. Get a part-time job once he's in memory care. Take out a loan? No one wants to do these things, but it's possible.
I'm so sorry. I wish this hadn't happened to you, but since it has, it's time to reflect on all your options so you can make wise choices.
It does sound as if your husband has become a fall risk ask his doctor to do an assessment of his medications and his physical strength, he may need physical therapy to strengthen his legs and hips and his medications may need to be adjusted.
Hazard proofing your home
is not a do it yourself project ask your family to get involved as soon as possible.
Continue to endure his limitations but never put your safety and health at risk. Accept help from others and continue to maintain a positive attitude it will help you have joy in spite of the situation. Most care givers sow with tears but reap joy because they are giving their love one what they feel they deserve and
that makes them have internal peace and joy. Some have relied on prayer and reading the promises in the Bible that speaks of a time when no one will get old and sick that hope sustains them. Isaiah 34:24
Until that time we have to be realistic about our own limitations and make decisions that will be beneficial for all concerned. Although your husband can’t speak for himself that is more than likely what he would want especially for you.