My husband needs to stop driving. Can I just tell the doctor his license needs to be rescinded?

Next time, instead of just watching, record your husband backing out of the driveway on your cellphone. Show it to him. If that has no effect, show it to his doctor.

It may be a small thing, but if you can't even navigate your own driveway safely..? What stretch of road could you possibly know better?

Having said that has just brought back a vivid memory of my sister's 21st birthday celebration. It was a big, formal do and we set off late (terrible family trait). My short-tempered Dad - may he rest in peace - slammed the car into reverse gear and shot straight back into his brother's car, parked about ten feet behind.

Good party, though.

We were very very lucky with my dad who voluntarily gave up his license after he had 3 minor fender benders in parking lots of grocery stores in Florida where he was living with mom. He called me one day and said "I can't drive anymore" and I was supremely relieved to hear him say that, knowing he wouldn't be endangering anyone's life and that I wouldn't have to take extreme measures to get him to stop driving.

I'm sorry you're going thru this, graygrammie. Stubborn old men who refuse to think things through are very difficult to deal with, I don't have to tell YOU. And showtiming is THE WORST of it all, with them making US look like the liars!! UGH.

I hope the DMV comes through for you and that DH relinquishes his license before something terrible happens. In the meantime, you may want to hide the car key from him.

Good luck!

I just want to share my story of what happened to us. My father was a lifelong sociopathic Narcissist with a volatile temper who never took accountability for his actions. Horrible, reckless driver with many accidents and close calls, speeding tickets, etc. It was always "someone else's fault." Every car he ever drove was either totaled or run into the ground.
He was in Independent Living and in his 90's when he had a fender bender; rear-ended someone at a stop light. A deputy of the sheriff's dept followed my father home from the scene. He called my husband and told him Dad was driving erratically (all over the place) and said we need to take his keys away. He didn't report him, rather dumping it in our laps. This is Florida and we filled out the DMV form to report unsafe driver. They said he would not know who filed the report. Months went by and we heard nothing. Meanwhile, when he had a stint in rehab, we went through his bedroom and found his car key. We took it with us. After he got back, he simply took my mother's key. We later took that key too. He bugged her for it until she begged us to bring her key back. She had stopped driving by that point out of fear (getting lost.)
One day his PCP who does house calls was scheduled to come. My mother asked if I could be there for that. (They were both very hard of hearing.) Father had COPD, emphysema, and had half his right lung removed at age 80. He was too VAIN to be seen on oxygen that was supposed to be 24/7, instead preferring to huff and puff and gasp for air to get sympathy. The doc was straight forward and took no crap. When he told my father his lungs were shot from all the years of smoking (65 years, non filter Lucky Strike!) my father had the nerve to tell him smoking wasn't the reason. I knew what was coming next as he had this delusion for several years and used it whenever he felt ignored or slighted. He said the reason the surgeon took his lung out was because some guy he knew in New York spread lies that he was a sex offender and it was a revenge plot.
Well, things went downhill from there. I walked the doc out and gave him the DMV form and asked if he would mind filling it out and signing it as Dad was a menace on the roads. He said no problem. Short after that, Dad got a letter in the mail to report to the DMV and either turn in his license or take a test. Imagine that! Guess a doctor's signature carried more weight. Guess who had to take him to the DMV? Me, the designated slave/errand runner/chauffer/shopper. After he surrendered his license, I took my Mom's crappy old car to WeBuyAnyCar and got only $500 for it.
He never found out it was me who instigated it all after that accident. He actually accused the deputy of 'Ageism.' He had anger issues and could hold grudges for years.
Everywhere we went, it was so embarrassing. Anyone who asked how he was doing he would go into his spiel "They treat me like a sex offender." Every hospital he'd been to, every rehab, etc. It got really old. Every time he'd start in, I'd walk out until I finally went no contact. I hated that miserable bastard and couldn't stand to be in the same room with him. I blame him for Mom's death. She put up with his verbal and emotional abuse for 64 years, the long term stress gave her a heart condition and a massive stroke killed her. I watched her turn into a bitter, depressed old woman, but I understood why.
Sorry for going off into a rant. I am slowly recovering from my toxic caregiving experience.

Public safety is INFINITELY more important than your DH’s feelings or attitude. Tell him his driving days are over. Hide the keys and disable or, better yet, sell his car and hand him the cash. Work with DMV to revoke his DL so he cannot buy another one.

It’s critical that you keep him from driving before he kills himself or someone else.

If he wants to travel independently, he can order a taxi, Uber, or Lyft.

Call DMV in your area and make an anonymous report. This will generate your husband to turn in his medical history. Do not tell him you called anyone. Just let DMV handle the process. Try to take him to an interview appointment and bring pictures or video on the way he parks or drives the car.

Hello, and I'll be responding as a driver that's so close to giving up the privilege of driving. I'm Sara, I'm 72, I'm lost sight in one eye, and losing sight in the other. I've been driving for 52 years, no accidents, one speeding ticket. I love to drive - it's the feeling of independence, unbound, free as a bird. I now drive on the roads I'm familiar with, and sometimes, I'm nervous about that. I've driven everything from a Harley to an 18 wheeler, cross country, licensed for all of them - and I'm scared to sit down in my small SUV, and start it up. I feel if I give up my privilege to drive - taken away or voluntary- I will have lost a huge chunk of my life. Driving is such an integral part of everyday living, so I more than understand the stubborn of not giving up. It's like admitting defeat. That's very, very hard to do. I am there, and it's breaking my heart. They have my sympathy... Sara.

Hopefully by now you've been able to figure a way to get your husband to stop driving but in case you haven't I'll recount a recent episode in our local grocery store parking lot. An elderly driver, mere blocks from home, hit two cars and a pedestrian as they were pulling out of a parking space. The pedestrian was killed. The driver left the scene because they didn't realize what they had done. Your husband hit the stone border and a dogwood tree. Now substitute the word 'pedestrian' for 'dogwood tree' and see if you think the sentence reads differently.

This is so hard. Lots of good suggestions here. My Dad’s doctor was no help. And my Dad always rose to the occasion admirably at the doctor’s appointment. My brother and I finally reported him anonymously to the DMV. And was he furious? Oh yeah, he was. Luckily he never figured who it was who reported him before he passed. But he suspected. This situation is so stressful. All the best and much luck!

Call the doctor and “lose” his keys. “My word, honey! I don’t know WHERE those keys have got to!” And then find them when you can drive him somewhere.

You are very right to be worried and pull the plug before something happens.

Be prepared for the doctor to be less than helpful, especially if your husband appears reasonably articulate and aware during the visit. In the case of my father (glaucoma, macular degeneration, major hearing loss) he managed not only to convince the doctor that he could drive but passed his vision test for his driver's license renewal (for 10 years at over 90 years old). No driving test was needed but he arrived at the DMV with his cane, dark glasses and didn't hear his number called. I was finally the bad guy and basically took the keys and car away from him. Major drama ensued. I got the car sold (ugly story) and told him I'd drive him wherever he needed to go. Losing driving privileges is never pretty but you have to just rip that bandaid and get it over with. It doesn't get easier by waiting.

I would talk to his doctor, with all the health problems he has, that u listed in your profile, I think the doctor has good reason to report DH to DMV. And the doctor should. If he doesn't, then u do it.

In my grandson's situation, the doctor reported him to the DMV in January but grandson was not asked to relinquish his license till April. So you may want to repark ur husbands car facing out. Maybe your Son could say "Hey Dad, think you need to stop driving"

Doctors don't take away licenses but can give diagnosis of cognitive or physical issues which would make driving impaired and create a letter which can then be sent by you to the DMV. I didn't need to do this in my situation.

In some states you can report online anonymously to make your case as to why they shouldn't be driving. I did this with my aunt in FL. I gave them a copy of her license, her health and physical issues and multiple specific examples of how she is a danger to others and herself. The state sent out a letter telling her to come in to take the vision check and a road test. She convinced my cousin to take her to the appointment but failed the tests. That was that.

In your case I would suggest that if he golfs with any buddies, that you ask them to please come pick him up so that losing the privilege is less devastating. Tell them to not tell your husband you've asked them to do it. Reward them with a gift card to a restaurant where they can go out and have a nice social time together, or gc to the golf course.

When you report your husband and if he gets the letter, don't show it to him. Let his license expire. Remove the car (not just the keys) from the premises and tell him you were driving it and it broke down and is in the shop. Make sure friends and neighbors discretely know to not lend their cars to him.

My step-FIL had Parkinsons and I think his social worker reported him and we took the van away permanently. One benefit is that there's no more insurance payment or maintenance expenses.

If you struggle to keep him off the road, then the minute he pulls out of the driveway call 911 you can report him as an unsafe driver, and if he has an expired license, there'll be consequences. FYI my uncle should have had his car taken away by his adult children but no one had the guts to do it. One day he went through a red light and was t-boned, killing his wife (a cancer survivor) and their dog and injuring the other people. So PLEASE act soon -- I know it's stressful but it's critical he's kept off the road asap. Thank you!

You report this to the DMV through a form that you fill out and send in. They will require him to come in for testing to see if he can retain his license.

I would contact the DMV or go on line and find out what you need to do to have his license revoked.
It is not easy.
You should have a doctors note or diagnosis that can prove the dementia diagnosis.
It is going to be difficult for him to "get it" that he can no longer drive. And it is going to be difficult for you as well having to be the "uber" driver in the house.
A word of advice though. If you do get the license removed and he is no longer driving do not remove him from your insurance police just in case he gets hold of the keys and drives off. You might need that insurance coverage.
Do you have 2 vehicles? If so "his" should be disabled or removed from the property ASAP. As a matter of fact if you can get someone to "borrow" it then have it "breakdown" that might be a way to get it out of sight. Then it can be "in the shop" . If you can't get someone to borrow it if you do notice damage have someone take it and tell him it is at the body shop for repairs. That can take a very long time if they have to order parts.
Lock keys to your car so he can not get to them.