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Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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When you say "reach out", is there a physical distance between you? Did your MiL live a long way away? I ask because I also find it harder to know how to comfort someone over the phone. But just being there, listening, is sometimes all you can do.
If you just don't know how to deal with this because you've never experienced the death of a loved one, again all you can do is be there.
Let him know how much you care. Saying "sorry for your loss" would be too impersonal, but letting him know that you love him and you're sad for him would be a start.
If you liked his mum, tell him that you're going to miss her, but don't make it about you. If you can share your grief, though, it might help him to let his feelings out.
Otherwise, you know your husband and there must have been other times when either of you were sad and you comforted each other. You should follow your instinct on how to comfort him.
I am going to assume you meant the question as to how you can help him.
So, my husband's mom died with no warning. Was 79, had a massive stroke. When he went to check on her, he found her on the floor with a small puddle of blood out of her mouth. She had probably been dead for hours. We'd had dinner last week and everything was fine. The shock was epic. Neither one of us had lost a parent before. And the sight of finding his dead mom, the paramedics trying to revive her when it was too late... that is burned into his mind forever.
My husband is usually the one being strong for me, but I had to be strong for him. I didn't even cry that night because I couldn't fall apart; he needed me. One important thing was for me to not tell him I know how he feels, because I didn't. I've had painful losses, but I've not yet lost a parent. It made me feel even more helpless. His friends who had experienced such loss were there for him and offered to listen if he needed to talk. He never did. He knew people meant well but it became harder to hear the "I'm so sorry" and "What can I do?". There was nothing anyone could do, because no one could bring his mom back. He is way more extroverted than me, but for a few weeks I was the one talking to people more. He just didn't want the sad faces from people.
A few months later, I was cooking dinner, and he walked up to me and started to cry. Said he missed Mom. I held on to him and told him to let it out. It's been over two years now and he still doesn't talk about it really. Just kind of accepted it and moved on. All I could do was to be around if he needed me.
I was shopping in Wal Mart about 4 years ago when my cell phone rang. It was a detective thinking I was my sister in law with the same name. He was hemming and hawing about something and I finally asked what was going on?? My husband's brother fell down dead in the Wal Mart parking lot in another town and the detective was calling to tell me the news. I was shocked, but concerned about my husband and how he would take the news.
I rushed home. I sat him down and told him what happened. He was quite upset, we both were. So I hugged him tight and we both cried. Same when we had to call his sister in the hospital who died from being put on a ventilator for no good reason with covid in 2021. We couldn't visit her, so the priest held the phone up to her comatose ear so we could say our goodbyes. After we hung up, we clung to each other and cried for a very long time.
Did you not know your mother in law? Are you totally unaffected by her passing? If not, when dh comes home, hug him with all your might and CRY TOGETHER.
My husbands Mom died but he took it in stride. She was 92. He is not an emotional man. Some people want people around, others like to be alone. You should know ur husband.
Just be there for him, but give him space too. I think my reaction would be to hover over him, my husbands reaction would be to just be alone and go into his shell, sence he is a cancer horoscope. So just give him what he needs, I know mine would need some space to just go outside and chop some wood, or change some tires.
This is your husband. How in the world could you imagine WE could guide you in what HE, who you know so well, needs? I don't understand your question at all. I am sorry for the loss you two have just sustained.
I find it a bit odd that you're asking a bunch of strangers how to "reach out" to your own husband. Have you not had anyone ever die in your life before that you don't know how to act? A good rule of thumb with all things is to just think about how you would want to be treated if it were your mom that died and then act accordingly. It's not rocket science. Just let the man you love know that you're there for him in what ever way he needs you to be.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I ask because I also find it harder to know how to comfort someone over the phone. But just being there, listening, is sometimes all you can do.
If you just don't know how to deal with this because you've never experienced the death of a loved one, again all you can do is be there.
Let him know how much you care. Saying "sorry for your loss" would be too impersonal, but letting him know that you love him and you're sad for him would be a start.
If you liked his mum, tell him that you're going to miss her, but don't make it about you. If you can share your grief, though, it might help him to let his feelings out.
Otherwise, you know your husband and there must have been other times when either of you were sad and you comforted each other. You should follow your instinct on how to comfort him.
I am going to assume you meant the question as to how you can help him.
So, my husband's mom died with no warning. Was 79, had a massive stroke. When he went to check on her, he found her on the floor with a small puddle of blood out of her mouth. She had probably been dead for hours. We'd had dinner last week and everything was fine. The shock was epic. Neither one of us had lost a parent before. And the sight of finding his dead mom, the paramedics trying to revive her when it was too late... that is burned into his mind forever.
My husband is usually the one being strong for me, but I had to be strong for him. I didn't even cry that night because I couldn't fall apart; he needed me. One important thing was for me to not tell him I know how he feels, because I didn't. I've had painful losses, but I've not yet lost a parent. It made me feel even more helpless. His friends who had experienced such loss were there for him and offered to listen if he needed to talk. He never did. He knew people meant well but it became harder to hear the "I'm so sorry" and "What can I do?". There was nothing anyone could do, because no one could bring his mom back. He is way more extroverted than me, but for a few weeks I was the one talking to people more. He just didn't want the sad faces from people.
A few months later, I was cooking dinner, and he walked up to me and started to cry. Said he missed Mom. I held on to him and told him to let it out. It's been over two years now and he still doesn't talk about it really. Just kind of accepted it and moved on. All I could do was to be around if he needed me.
I rushed home. I sat him down and told him what happened. He was quite upset, we both were. So I hugged him tight and we both cried. Same when we had to call his sister in the hospital who died from being put on a ventilator for no good reason with covid in 2021. We couldn't visit her, so the priest held the phone up to her comatose ear so we could say our goodbyes. After we hung up, we clung to each other and cried for a very long time.
Did you not know your mother in law? Are you totally unaffected by her passing? If not, when dh comes home, hug him with all your might and CRY TOGETHER.
My condolences on the loss of your husband's mom.
Is there anything I can do to help?”
What do you usually do when your husband is going through a difficult time?
Is your husband open with you about his feelings or does he prefer to be alone with his thoughts?
I am sorry for the loss of your mother in law.
Grief affects everyone differently. Your husband will mourn his loss in his own way. Respect however he feels.
We are all entitled to have our own individual opinions on life and death.
How in the world could you imagine WE could guide you in what HE, who you know so well, needs?
I don't understand your question at all.
I am sorry for the loss you two have just sustained.
Have you not had anyone ever die in your life before that you don't know how to act?
A good rule of thumb with all things is to just think about how you would want to be treated if it were your mom that died and then act accordingly.
It's not rocket science. Just let the man you love know that you're there for him in what ever way he needs you to be.