So, my MIL's sister has died, she wanted to be scattered over the bay, and BIL's boss has offered use of a small yacht.
They can sort of walk in the house, but elsewhere they’ve been in wheelchairs about a year.
The boat doesn’t have a handicap ramp. It’s just some guy's boat. They have two strong sons, one for each of them. Plus the spouses would flank them. Is that enough to keep them safe getting on and off the boat?
Also know, as the poet, author and undertaker Thomas Lynch says, the dead don't care. He posits that there is nothing you can do "with them, for them, or about them" that will make a difference TO them. I understand the magical thinking on all this, but the spreading of ashes often entails a wind in the wrong directions causing envelopment in a cloud of them for the living.
If they are very invested I hope you find a way, but one that is not a risk of injury to the living.
There are many access points with beaches around the bay, but I don't know of any with ramp access myself and it's where I live. I hope others might.
The mil really wants to do it. And as it’s bils boss, so does he. We don’t feel it’s right to boycott and leave them even more open to injury.
So you're wanting to take 2 people who can 'sort of walk in the house' but 'elsewhere they've been in wheelchairs' on a boat without a ramp, to scatter ashes in the bay. I take it you are NOT bringing their wheelchairs; that the strong sons are carrying them up the stairs onto the boat? And the spouses will flank them. It's more worrisome for the SONS to be carrying these women up the stairs, imo; what if they fall? That scenario reeks of danger.
Why can't you find a spot on the dock to go to where the ashes can be dumped off from?
Your question is, is that enough to keep them safe getting on and off the boat? Who knows? I guess you'll find out if you go through with this plan! Good luck. I wouldn't do it; bringing mobility impaired elders on a boat in the first place is a questionable decision, it really is, IMO!
Not precisely what they want, but still participatory and safer?
Good luck!
Is there no spot where they could be on land and scatter the ashes (which will blow right back in their face) at the water's edge? Even at the marina where the small boat is located would work.
You have previously stated that your SO's parents are incredibly wealthy. Here is a PERFECT opportunity for you and him to set some boundaries: "sorry, MIL/FIL, this just seems way too dangerous for ALL of us, including your son - whose very livelihood depends on his physical well-being. He cannot take chances with his health carrying you up a gangplank (or whatever the set-up is) onto a boat. End of discussion. If this is something you feel you need to do, then you're going to have to find your own solution/transportation options to accomplish it."
Why on Earth would either you or SO risk your own health to make this memorial happen? That you're asking here if we think it would be OK is showing that you have some serious doubts about the entire situation. If I were you, I'd run with those gut instincts and tell MIL you and SO are out.