Then she texts me that their friend will go stay with my mom, and that she will be able to stay for a week. I do not respond.
I do not like this friend. I think she is a bad person. I do not want to be anywhere near her. No one knows that I do not like her. If she is going to be there, then I do not want to be. Simple as that.
So I feel hurt. I feel like my Aunt was lying, and trying the guilt trip me into going to see my mom. My mom acts like everything is fine. When I called my brother the other day, he seemed okay. He seemed like everything was fine. Except for one thing. We both swear our mom had appointments that day. But she didn’t go. She told my brother that she didn’t actually have any appointments. That it was a mix up or something. I feel like she is lying. I feel like she didn’t go on purpose.
This is why I feel like I am getting conflicting information. My mom is currently staying with my brother. My brother seems like very thing is fine. My brother isn’t most reliable source however. As with his illness, he is not easy to talk to. He barely understands what is even going on with our mom. So maybe he is just blissfully unaware everything happening. He tries to take care her, but how much can he take care of her, when he can barely care for himself? My mom won’t talk to me. My Aunt is saying that my mom wants me there. But if she wants me there, why won’t she talk to me? Does she want me there so she can ignore me to my face? That doesn’t make sense. But I feel like she is lying. If her friend is coming to stay, I don’t want to be there. Her friend being there is only going to cause more drama and more issues. This is why I don’t like her. Every time she is around, there is drama. I only know because my mom tells me about it, yes I call her … she doesn’t call me. Yet she always talks about her like they are friends, I don’t get it.
I feel like I am stuck. My mom won’t talk to me. My brother isn’t the most reliable source of information. I don’t know if my Aunt was trying to guilt trip me, or telling me the truth. Their friend, is coming and I don’t like her. I still don’t know what type of cancer my mom has, I don’t know what the treatment plan is, and I don’t know what the prognosis is. Everyone I do talk to, doesn’t know either. I just started a new job, and I feel like I can’t leave. But I feel like I have to. But then I feel like why…what’s the point? What would me being there change?
Then the chapter responsibilities are also on my mind. This weekend is one of our meetings. The President is the only one who is definitely attending. The Vice President, is the one whose mother also has cancer. So she is dealing with all of that, and cannot be there. The Secretary lives about 300 miles away, so she never really comes to in person only meetings. The New Member Development Officer is on vacation. The Education Officer, honestly lives about as far away as I do, so I really feel like she has no excuse to not be there. But she uses it as an excuse to not be at in person events anyway. I have also been sick since I came back from vacation. So I feel like I do not want to go either, plus dealing with all this with my mom, also I am hurt that I am not getting support like the Vice President is from everyone. But like I said, they don’t know much about my life. They probably think my dad is still with my mom or something…yeah they don’t know anything. Beyond just attending this upcoming meeting. Our chapter also hosts tests for certain certifications. This will be the last year that these tests are offered though chapters. So to help our members we decided to offer two more tests at the end of the year. The Vice President was supposed to proctor the extra one this month, and she was also our way into the building in which it was going to be hosted. Without her, we will have to move the location, and change the proctor, which is a lot more work than it sounds.
Please look for part 5. That should be the last.
A) likely, as you told us, an addict, something you don't like to deal with
B) living very far from you.
People do not give up their jobs and their lives when their parents get cancer. Cancer is dealt with and we have MANY people right on this forum dealing with cancer without a daughter at their side.
My advice is to carry on with your own life, let Mom know you are there to talk to and give her moral support if she cares to reach out to you. And that's it.
I can answer this all in one sentence:
Carry on with your own life and let your Mom know she is welcome to call you for support whenever she likes.
Take care of your life. Get settled in your new job. You're married so spend time with hubby. You can't be running off to your mom tooo much. Like you said - what would you do? At this point, basically nothing and then you'd be frustrated that you wasted your time.
Keep calling your mom. Who knows why she isn't getting in touch with you but just accept it and reach out yourself. Could be pain, anxiety, etc. Don't expect much from her then you won't be disappointed.