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My sister decided to put my mother's dogs to sleep due to their poor health and her inability to care for them properly. She keeps asking where they are. I feel like repeating the sad answer is causing repeated suffering. Any advice is appreciated.
I'm so sorry to hear that her 2 dogs Both had poor health...and had to be put to sleep - at the same time frame ? Both dogs were at the same health level to require that? :-(
If you can get away with it then lie to her. Say they are at the groomers, or at a friends, or on a walk. Anything. She won’t remember anyhow. Telling her the truth will only hurt her. If she has Alzheimer’s then she will only relive the pain over and over if you tell the truth.
If you can’t bring yourself to spare her the pain by lying then at least say it’s a surprise and she’ll see them soon. Then change the subject.
Tell your mom the dogs were sent to a nice family with a big farm with children to love them where they could run and play. If the truth is causing her to suffer, tell her what's known as a therapeutic fib to keep her happy and calm. This is commonly done with elders who suffer from dementia.
@lealonnie1; @DeckApe; @Hopeforhelp22 Thank you to everyone. That is beautiful and how I interact with my mom and would have been my choice. Unfortunately, I left out an important aspect. There is a family division on my moms care. My sister has made herself in charge of her care and power of attorney so she is usually the first to handle these things. It has been gut wrenching.
I edited my question above which may explain somewhat. Both dogs have had health problems for many years. They were from the same litter and elderly. My moms Alzheimer’s has been progressing and she stopped driving long ago so they haven’t had proper care. It is inhumane and animal abuse. It has been one of the many fights with my sister. Driving being the first and biggest priority. As you can see this is much bigger than the issue of how to talk to her today now that this is happening.
So I guess my question is actually asking for advice going forward since my sister has already told her the truth in detail. Which is cruel in my eyes.
With Alzheimer's, they normally forget what they were told and will continue asking where the dogs are. I'd use the therapeutic fib of your choice because the truth is pretty sad and like you said, repeating that news over and over again is just cruel. Too bad your sister isn't as compassionate as you are.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If you can’t bring yourself to spare her the pain by lying then at least say it’s a surprise and she’ll see them soon. Then change the subject.
Best of luck.
Thank you to everyone. That is beautiful and how I interact with my mom and would have been my choice. Unfortunately, I left out an important aspect. There is a family division on my moms care. My sister has made herself in charge of her care and power of attorney so she is usually the first to handle these things. It has been gut wrenching.
I edited my question above which may explain somewhat. Both dogs have had health problems for many years. They were from the same litter and elderly. My moms Alzheimer’s has been progressing and she stopped driving long ago so they haven’t had proper care. It is inhumane and animal abuse. It has been one of the many fights with my sister. Driving being the first and biggest priority. As you can see this is much bigger than the issue of how to talk to her today now that this is happening.
So I guess my question is actually asking for advice going forward since my sister has already told her the truth in detail. Which is cruel in my eyes.